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please help - feeling exhausted and not sure what to do next

(7 Posts)
happydaisy Sun 28-Jun-09 13:36:50

Last night I told dh exactly how i've been feeling - why i'm so unhappy and what i think is wrong with our relationship. Briefly, he has upset me deeply by refusing to share the responsibility of our lives, by not giving me any emotional support, by taking a hard line with our dcs and this sometimes bordering on emotional abuse. I sound like a half wit but i've let myself be led by his needs for so long becuase i was frightened of losing him if i insisted on doing what i wanted. all he did last night was to argue with me - every point he had an answer for and he didn't accept anything i said at all - i still don't think he understands how upset i am. today he is energetic and in control and i'm at a total loss - can't get up, feel awful, keep crying. is there any hope? should i keep trying to get through to him?

poshsinglemum Sun 28-Jun-09 13:43:01

Daisy- I'm not an expert but I had to reply. It's not surprising you are overwhelmed. He sounds like he does need a kick up the backside regarding shared child care- question is-how?
Mabe you could go to Relate on your own if he refuses. It sounds like he is being abusive tbh. Him= full of energy. You= in bits. Is he gaining something out of controlling you. Mabe even women's aid could help? I really hope that you find a solution to this. Try to be gentle with yourself. It dosn't sounds like he's going to do it for you.

poshsinglemum Sun 28-Jun-09 13:44:14

Also, what are the reasons why you don't want to losse him if he's an abuser? Mabe leaving him will be the best decision youve ever made.

happydaisy Sun 28-Jun-09 13:51:27

i hate the idea that i'm letting him control me. we went to relate two years ago and he broke down saying that he didn't realise the impact he had had on me and how sorry he was. he did make some changes, i.e. got a part time job, but it missed the point of what i really wanted from him i.e.emotional support. he decided after a couple of sessions that counselling had worked and refused to go for any more.

happydaisy Sun 28-Jun-09 14:09:01

maybe i would be better off without him

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 28-Jun-09 14:10:43

can't really offer any solutions here
can only tell you what i did which was divorce him
it's really up to you here nobody can make this decision for you
and it's not an easy one to make

mamas12 Sun 28-Jun-09 18:15:53

really sorry but you cannot force anyone to give you the emotional supposrt you crave.
Hif he cared for you he would do it but it doesn't sound like he does atm.
Feeling for you I know what it;s like but you will not get what hyou want from him.
Please go to relate or gp for counselling of your own and disengage from him.
Stop relying on him and see how it feels.

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