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moving swiftly on from being very sad Hello!

(6 Posts)
whatanothernamechange Fri 26-Jun-09 18:34:55

Changed name again.
Having been to relate and discussed issues am hoping that DH won't feel the need to read threads. this is a new thread, but there are two previous see title of this thread. Consellor pointed out to DH that swearing at me and pinching me hard when I wear his socks is domestic abuse and must stop if counselling is to be effective. I am still numb. Dh has asked to be referred to be referred to counselling by gp and has acknowledged that he still has issues from his childhood and with work. I am trying to work with him, but if I think about us staying together it still makes me cry. Not good. Counsellor also made him listen to me and agree not to touch me at all unless I specifically ask him to, even if I am crying.

whatanothernamechange Fri 26-Jun-09 19:22:51


islandlassie Fri 26-Jun-09 20:07:52

Hi. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I unfortunaelty have no advice. I know what it is like to be sworn AT all the time and just wanted to show some support. If you know you have done the best you can then don't feel any guilt if you need to walk away

toomanystuffedbears Fri 26-Jun-09 21:13:50

Hello again,
Numbness is a reflex -sort of a going dormant kind of thing in hopes the negative circumstances will just go away.

It may seem sureal that what "happens to others" is happening to you. They have gotten through it and so will you.

Stay proactive. Do not get tired of it (this change) and give in, give up. Stay with it for your better future- and that of your dc.

There is FOG that gets in the way of so many. Fear. Obligation. Guilt. No, No, No. You will not live in fear (nor allow your dc to); you have no obligation because this treatment has erased that completely; and guilt? For what? Making the bully go find someone else to use? No guilt. Zero.

Take care of yourself.
Tend to proper nutrition. Quality sleep, not just "rest". And I know it sounds impossible, but a little exercise will really help keep your mind focused-just a 20 min walk/day will help.

Good luck and I am glad you are moving on. When you are free, you will think about the acute relief you feel that you are not still in that situation.

whatanothernamechange Fri 26-Jun-09 22:18:23

Thanks tmsb, I think the thing that gets to me is the sudden "O, I'm depressed, I've got problems, I need to talk to people" and actually writing something about it on FB so that all our friends can see it and ask "what is going on, oh poor you, such a bad wife." I'm angry and I don't have very much respect for him at the moment.
I would never put comments about our personal stuff on a place where people actually knew who we were. It's sick. Also he's arranged to talk to someone we both know who I don't think is particularly discrete (a man) but he may at least talk some sense into him, even if he then drops the odd comment about. Actually no, that's not ok, because he knows what this person is like in fact I think he may even have alluded to it in the essays he put on here last week when he kidnapped my threads. angry WTF! angry

toomanystuffedbears Sat 27-Jun-09 00:49:31

I think you have to prepare yourself for the verbal attacks. The calling names, slander, the attempts to humiliate you will come, no doubt about it.

It all will simply give you more validation for your strength, your truth and your decision.

Make boundaries in your mind and heart and soul that you will not be baited by this. Period.
And it is just that: bait. Leave it. Do not respond to it.

It is hard to do at first because the attacks will use the very personal, very private in as public forum as possible-as fb-the whole universe. Perhaps you should just not do fb for the forseeable future.

Understand that nothing is sacred-so if there are any photos that need to be dealt with...for example.

Again, ignore, ignore, ignore. The more you do it, the easier it will be-and you will have a more tangible understanding that he is doing this to hurt you -proof he doesn't want to mend the relationship. Clarity. Validation.

Sorry-Got to dash off-good luck.

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