I am on the verge of doing something really really stupid, I justb cant seem to stop it happening, I cant tell anyone in real life for obvious reasons and I need help, Please. I have been texting an old friend but the texts have got more and more intimate, I have met up with him a couple of times, nothing sinister as he is a good friend. I am on the verge of lying to dh and meeting him ton8iight. I musnt so please be my girlfriends and kick some sense into me.
Imagine how you would feel if you saw these texts (to another woman) on your DH's phone. Imagine him telling you later that he asked lots of people for advice (even cyber people) and he nevertheless went on to destroy your marriage. Imagine the pain on your DH's face. Imagine only being a weekend mother, if you have children. Think of the havoc this will wreak on your children. Sons of unfaithful women often have trouble forming relationships (as do daughters of unfaithful men).
Don't do it! Take this as a wake up call. Do tell your husband and use it as a catalyst to improve life with DH. If you cannot do the latter, PLEASE don't do this. You will be ruining so many people's lives.
I eve3n know why I amn doing it, he gives me the attention dh doesnt, I have been virtually begging dh to give me attention for weeks, to make me feel special but he doesnt take up the hints. but this wont make me feel good it will make me feel like shit for the rest of my life wont it.
Thrill of the chase - great isn't it? All the attention - makes you feel special, huh? And having a secret - that's really exciting.
Look around you - your home, your DC, your friends and weigh up whether you are willing to put all that in jeopardy? Do you want to lose it all?
And remember, even if you go the whole hog and walk out on your husband etc and set up shack with this old friend the grass is not greener and as my DH and I always say "The dustbins still have to put out" - it's not going to always be thrilling and exciting.
And, add to that think long and hard about how you would feel if you discovered your DH had sloped off to meet another woman behind your back...
That's why you must shake DH out of his complacency by telling all. It will be painful, but worth it. So many spouses blindly trust and think their partner will never look at another person. Wrong. This leads to complacency and not seeing your spouse as a sexual being, with needs.
part of the problem is that I just feel so trapped here, dh has done nothing wrong and neither have the dc but I feel suffocated sometimes. wife, mother, cleaner, cook, general unappreciated dogsbody. Nobody in this house cares about making me feel good the way I constantly try to for them. And I do know how selfish that is.
Oh, go ahead, it will make you feel attractive and good for a couple of hours, feed your ego, massage your sense of self-importnce, and generally flatter yourself that you are irresistible.
Because after all, a married woman is such a catch for a flirtatious man, isn't she? he doesn't have to take the bins out, clean the bath, have endless discussions about the gas bill...
So go ahead, it will be good for you - if you need (hollow) afirmation that much.
And it's worth the risk - (dh devastated and coming to hate you, children distraught, etc etc, can all be fixed with a couple of sessions at Relate. Oh, it might just cast a pall over your sumer hols, if you have any booked, but hey, it's WORTH it)
Stop hinting, start talking. Tonight is a turning point, you can either go out with this bloke and put the seal on the end of your relationship or you can stay in with your dh, a bottle of wine and TALK to him. Tell him you are feeling low and un-cared for. You can't seriously write him off without giving him the full and proper opportunity to change things! If your friend feels so much for you he will fade away whilst you try to ake a proper go of your life.
It's easy for a man outside your relationship to heap attention upon you during the thrill of flirting. The excitement that attention makes you feel is an illusion - it's something anyone can do - it's something your DH has forgotten to do because of the stresses and busyness of daily life. It doesn't make this man right for you, it doesn't add up to happiness. This is how affairs start, because of that lovely feeling of someone taking an interest and wanting you - but it is not how they end. They end with you probably single, not with either man because you hurt your DH and the new man wasn't right for you, your children devastated, you in a place of loss and regret. I have just watched close friends go through it over the past year - don't do it.
It is like giving up smoking. You can choose to have that tempting, harmful thing.... or you can choose to give yourself something wonderful and positive - the fact that you saved yourself, you did not do it, you stepped back, you gave yourself something good instead (in this case, happiness and security and your family to keep - something you could look back on in a year's time and wish, wish, wish you still had). You can talk to DH and make some changes there, but if you start something with this man you can't ever undo it.
I know what a twat I am, I have just texted om and told him I cant do it and if I lose our freindship then it is no more than I deserve. he just appeared at a time that I was feeli8ng really low and offered me everything that I used to be, but I cant have that. I already sat down with dh and told him everything that is upsetting me,k he seemed to take it in and then the next morning assumed everything was back to normasl. I need something but this isnt it.
Have a quick look at the other thread where someone has just found out that their partner has has an affair and left her and 2 DC. And see how angry, hurt and lost she is. Do you hate your family that much?