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How can I exact revenge on the woman who destroyed my marriage

(86 Posts)
ballbaby Fri 26-Jun-09 07:42:48

Sorry if I sound like a psycho bitch but i found out on Wednesday morning that h has been seeing someone and he was gone by wednesday night leaving me and 6yo and 3yo. I've been with him for nearly 20 years(I'm 36 so I've not had any other serious relationship). The anger I've woken up with this morning is a change from the crying I've been doing for the last 48 hours sad

I'm not asking for support as I'm getting plenty from h family, my family and friends. I'm starting a phase of thinking he was a completely selfish b***d all through our marriage and he might have done me a favour actually. I could really do with a laugh though so the more off the wall your suggestions the better grin

Unfortunately i only know her first name and don't think h will tell me any more so carrying out any of these might be quite difficult. But I'll enjoy considering them.

burningupinspeed Fri 26-Jun-09 07:44:28


rubyslippers Fri 26-Jun-09 07:45:56

the best revenge is living well

Biglips Fri 26-Jun-09 07:48:09

your h made that decision by having an affair with the woman so hes in the wrong more than the woman.

had he gone to live with the woman?

sorry to hear

flamingobingo Fri 26-Jun-09 07:50:20

Blame your H, not the woman. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 26-Jun-09 07:51:24

I realise you're not actually asking seriously for revenge ideas, your mind is racing because you are hurt and angry and what you want, just for a moment, is a fantasy

I am so sorry your husband has done this to you - because make no mistake it is him who made the choice to betray you, not her. Be angry with him.

Don't focus on her, she is irrelevant. Don't fall into the trap of seeing him as the innocent victim of a woman he was powerless to resist. The responsibility for his actions is his and his alone.

ballbaby Fri 26-Jun-09 08:05:46

You're not helping. I'm crying again and I would prefer to keep the anger. I can't be angry with h - I still love him.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 26-Jun-09 08:12:05

I'm so sorry you are going through this but if you are to work through it - as a couple or alone - then you need to be realistic. You need to see the situation for what it is or you cannot deal with it.

HE betrayed you. That is the issue to deal with, to decide to forgive him and try again or not. You need to face the painful truth.

Have you considered some counselling to help you with this?

expatinscotland Fri 26-Jun-09 08:13:04

the best 'revenge' is to divorce the twunt who cheated on you. takes two to tanger, sorry to say.

don't bother getting 'revenge' on either one of those low lives, they're not worth it.

BigTeuchLittleTeuch Fri 26-Jun-09 08:16:49

Ach, be angry with her if you like! All part of 'working through it'...

Now, most revenges depend on you knowing a whole lot more personal details so, in the name of keeping it 'fantasy' it is best that you don't grin

I would drop off a bag of H's 'belongings' at her house, complete with an array of medications such as anusol, verruca patches, thrush cream, blah, blah....all half-used of course.

...along with his huge stash of porn...

...and his collection of My Little Ponies


belville Fri 26-Jun-09 08:19:03

Again, sorry for what you are going through but it's your husband who has betrayed you.

gingernutlover Fri 26-Jun-09 08:19:07

i agree, long term the best revenge is to rebuild yourself with a better life than he ever gave you. You have your dignity - you have done nothing wrong and you are bringing up your children whilst they are the ones who have taken away your childrens father - that is unforgivable in my book

i dont agree that you cant blame the woman - it does take 2 to tango and assuming she knew he was married with children she knew that by playiong her part she was destroying a family and taking someones daddy away. She is not blameless.

take care and if it helps to think of horrible things you could do then fine - just dont waste any of your time and effort on him or her, keep the moral high ground

gingernutlover Fri 26-Jun-09 08:20:32

pmsl at the little ponies, and of course a nice pair of red shiny stilettoes in his size LOL

PM73 Fri 26-Jun-09 08:33:18

And dont forget to drop off his adult sized bib,nappy & dummy for when he likes to be mothered grin

Claire2301 Fri 26-Jun-09 08:36:09

I have a revenge email that is pretty funny- Think it's called "Womens revenge" Will try to dig it out. Lots of photo's.

One woman hired a billboard and named and shamed her husband and the other woman - with a huge ugly photo of him.

LoveBeingAMummy Fri 26-Jun-09 08:54:30

Best revenge....let her keep him!

ballbaby Fri 26-Jun-09 08:59:18


I'm sure the anger for him will come. At the moment though i just feel sorry for him. Yes we've had a really hard few years while the kids have been young and there's been some big rows but i don't know anyone with a perfect marriage. Surely he could have stuck it out for a couple more years when life would be getting easier. Just to give it a proper chance.

Of course he's going to have more fun and great sex with a woman who has no kids and doesn't resent his messy, lazy, selfish ways. I put up with a lot and gave him a lot of freedom for his hobbies. Obviously too much freedom.

The thing that gets me is that about 8 months ago he completely put the barriers up, presumably when he first met her. Yes our marriage wasn't working 100%, but meeting her was the point that he stopped trying.

Bastard angry

Bitch angry

Feeling better now

He's a good dad though, and in many ways he was a good husband. I think he's going to really regret betraying his family, because deep down I know its against his values.

crokky Fri 26-Jun-09 09:00:11

You could exact revenge them by starting divorce proceedings. This shows that you have the upper hand - he thinks he has the upper hand as he has left you and he has been in control up to now.

As others have pointed out, the best revenge is for you to live a good life and to let this silly woman keep him. She has to live with the fact that she has taken someone else's husband and father - she will forever need to wonder if he is going to do the same to her - especially if she has kids with him and goes through childbirth etc.

expatinscotland Fri 26-Jun-09 09:03:05

I think you deserve someone better than a person who does this to their spouse and family.

hambler Fri 26-Jun-09 09:03:06

He's messy, lazy and selfish?

Hold your head up. You are well rid of him.

ballbaby Fri 26-Jun-09 09:06:21

While our marriage has been rocky though i've been observing other people's relationships and I know very few women who don't think their bloke is messy, lazy and selfish!

expatinscotland Fri 26-Jun-09 09:07:58

'I know very few women who don't think their bloke is messy, lazy and selfish!'

They married the wrong chap. DH is messy, most men are, but I wouldn't put up with lazy or selfish and I don't understand women who do. Life is hard enough without keeping the equivalent of a sulky teenage man boy as a pet.

hambler Fri 26-Jun-09 09:14:44

agree totally with expat.

PearsinTears Fri 26-Jun-09 09:30:51

"...with a woman who....doesn't resent his messy, lazy, selfish ways. I put up with a lot..."

Ballbaby, I think you should call this woman and THANK her for ridding you of this guy. Just tell her that you were waiting since 20 years for someone like her to take this lazy bastard away.

Believe me, she'll see her "conquest" from a different angle.

That would be the best revenge! grin

notyummy Fri 26-Jun-09 09:31:45

Hear, hear expat.

(blush DH is also tidier than me....and probably does more housework when he is here...although he is away a lot...)

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