Sorry if I sound like a psycho bitch but i found out on Wednesday morning that h has been seeing someone and he was gone by wednesday night leaving me and 6yo and 3yo. I've been with him for nearly 20 years(I'm 36 so I've not had any other serious relationship). The anger I've woken up with this morning is a change from the crying I've been doing for the last 48 hours
I'm not asking for support as I'm getting plenty from h family, my family and friends. I'm starting a phase of thinking he was a completely selfish b***d all through our marriage and he might have done me a favour actually. I could really do with a laugh though so the more off the wall your suggestions the better
Unfortunately i only know her first name and don't think h will tell me any more so carrying out any of these might be quite difficult. But I'll enjoy considering them.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but if you are to work through it - as a couple or alone - then you need to be realistic. You need to see the situation for what it is or you cannot deal with it.
HE betrayed you. That is the issue to deal with, to decide to forgive him and try again or not. You need to face the painful truth.
Have you considered some counselling to help you with this?
i agree, long term the best revenge is to rebuild yourself with a better life than he ever gave you. You have your dignity - you have done nothing wrong and you are bringing up your children whilst they are the ones who have taken away your childrens father - that is unforgivable in my book
i dont agree that you cant blame the woman - it does take 2 to tango and assuming she knew he was married with children she knew that by playiong her part she was destroying a family and taking someones daddy away. She is not blameless.
take care and if it helps to think of horrible things you could do then fine - just dont waste any of your time and effort on him or her, keep the moral high ground
I'm sure the anger for him will come. At the moment though i just feel sorry for him. Yes we've had a really hard few years while the kids have been young and there's been some big rows but i don't know anyone with a perfect marriage. Surely he could have stuck it out for a couple more years when life would be getting easier. Just to give it a proper chance.
Of course he's going to have more fun and great sex with a woman who has no kids and doesn't resent his messy, lazy, selfish ways. I put up with a lot and gave him a lot of freedom for his hobbies. Obviously too much freedom.
The thing that gets me is that about 8 months ago he completely put the barriers up, presumably when he first met her. Yes our marriage wasn't working 100%, but meeting her was the point that he stopped trying.
Feeling better now
He's a good dad though, and in many ways he was a good husband. I think he's going to really regret betraying his family, because deep down I know its against his values.
You could exact revenge them by starting divorce proceedings. This shows that you have the upper hand - he thinks he has the upper hand as he has left you and he has been in control up to now.
As others have pointed out, the best revenge is for you to live a good life and to let this silly woman keep him. She has to live with the fact that she has taken someone else's husband and father - she will forever need to wonder if he is going to do the same to her - especially if she has kids with him and goes through childbirth etc.
'I know very few women who don't think their bloke is messy, lazy and selfish!'
They married the wrong chap. DH is messy, most men are, but I wouldn't put up with lazy or selfish and I don't understand women who do. Life is hard enough without keeping the equivalent of a sulky teenage man boy as a pet.