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I don't know why you still put up with me

(5 Posts)
wrinklytum Fri 26-Jun-09 00:28:21

Dp HAS JUST SAID THIS.I HVE TRIED TO REASSSURE HIM.

He has a long term illness that has affected his prostate so that side of our relationship has been defunct for a few years.Obviously I love him,he is the father of my children but it has been difficult.I don't know how to progress from here,he is to tired with meds to do much IYKWIM.9I am stuck.I feel our r is more parent an child than a usual loving sexual one,how do I progress and get things bacvk,even if in a non penetrative relationship scenario.Tham
nks for readingxx

thumbwitch Fri 26-Jun-09 00:36:46

poor man sounds a bit depressed, doesn't he.
How do you reassure him? I'm sure you've tried cuddling and telling him that you love him anyway - there are other ways of getting some kind of fulfilment even if his bits aren't working properly, have you investigated them? Is he willing to "play" with you?

(Im nothing like an expert on this, you might need someone like SGB for more info if you don't already know it all already!blush)

Lots of physical contact but no pressure on him to do anything, that would be my best suggestion.

wrinklytum Fri 26-Jun-09 00:42:31

Thanks Thumbwitch,he is depresssed.I am tryingto support him.I thnk I need to be a bit more loving.Tis hard,after a day dealing with job Quite stressy,nurse in full on area,and dealing with ds,reception yesr,and dd (sn nursey age) I am quite knackered!

thumbwitch Fri 26-Jun-09 01:03:06

aw, bless you - I'm not surprised! Perhaps just go up to him and say "I've had a hard day, I need a big hug" and make him see he still has a role in supporting and loving you too. Tis too easy sometimes just to dismiss the man of the house as another "chore", iykwim - and I always find a request for a hug works wonders.

Scorpette Fri 26-Jun-09 01:18:17

Without being too graphic, perhaps you and DH should focus on him giving you pleasure; it might help him feel proud and more sexually capable and involved to make you come. Or perhaps you should both focus on sensuality instead of sexuality - massages, bubble baths together, smooching, cuddling and holding each other naked and complimenting each other's body, or perhaps reading from erotic books/talking dirty. The scenario needs some reframing, that's all; men grow up thinking that pleasing women is all about the in-and-out bit, but we know it's so much more. If and when you try these things, make him feel like a great lover because he is more sophisticated and thoughtful than other men by being so sensual. Make him understand that you two can be intimate and aroused without penetration - and that in your eyes, he is totally manly, as he has fathered your children and is a great DH. Doing these things will also shift your perception of the parent-child thing. Hope these suggestions help - it might be awkward at first, but it sounds like you really care about each other

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