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Grounds for divorcing an abuser.

(11 Posts)
PeggyPatch Thu 25-Jun-09 12:01:03

I have been sent the draft petition and I know he will contest the grounds for the divorce even though they were dummed down for the petition. Can someone help me out with grounds that will get the divorce through without him contesting/going mad. TIA.

MamaLazarou Thu 25-Jun-09 12:03:32

I don't mean to be rude... but surely this is something you should discuss with your solicitor?

chipkid Thu 25-Jun-09 12:05:19

two years separation with consent-is about the least contentious way. You may have to wait though.

PeggyPatch Thu 25-Jun-09 12:10:15

I did discuss with my solicitor, thought she understood that he would contest if anything of a sexual/harrasing nature was in the petition and this is what she has put in the draft. There is no way he will agree with the grounds.

Realise that the two year separation would be the ideal way to go, however, he will take that as I still 'belong' to him iykwim.

aseriouslyblondemoment Thu 25-Jun-09 12:10:28

it depends upon the grounds you're divorcing him for
what help have you had from your solicitor with this?

aseriouslyblondemoment Thu 25-Jun-09 12:17:38

hopefully someone will come along with their experience of a contested petition
in my own case i divorced my exh on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or to be precise emotional abuse
he didn't contest
maybe yours won't either when it's presented to him in black and white

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 25-Jun-09 12:21:23

Maybe you need to explain things again to your solicitor. It is what you are paying her for.

chipkid Thu 25-Jun-09 12:35:27

you do need to tone the allegations down-if you have children he cannot allow serious allegations of behaviour to go unchallenged-particularly if contact is in issue. You just need a divorce-the blandest behaviour petition will get you there-very few divorces are contested these days-precisiely because people agree a form of words that gets them over the threshold for the divorce to be granted.

Digitalis Thu 25-Jun-09 13:23:47

Hello Peggy Patch

I am in a similar situation to you and visited my solicitor yesterday for the very same reason!

My Ex is already in a relationship with another victim woman and so I have been advised to go on the grounds of his adultery, as of course even though I left him we are still married.

Otherwise I would have gone on unreasonable behaviour but toned right down. However, he cannot see that his behaviuor has ever been unreasonable in any way so that would still be an issue I think.

I think and hope my ex will not contest adultery, particularly as I have agreed to pay costs if it is not contested in any way. He will not then bother need to engage a solicitor.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Aeschylus Thu 25-Jun-09 13:49:21

can I ask a stupid question....

why do people bother contesting a divorce, if you are not together anymore, what is the point in insisting on staying married?

unless there is some financial reasons, I just dont get it

mumoverseas Thu 25-Jun-09 13:57:58

he doesn't need to consent to a petition on the basis of unreasonable behaviour, it is only adultery petitions and two years separation he needs to consent (adultery he has to actually admit to it or else you need to prove it) and 2 years separation requires consent.

All you need for him is to not contest it and to be honest, although many respondents may threaten to contest, very few in fact do. This is because not many solicitors are interested in representing a respondent defending/contesting a divorce and those that would represent him would want a serious amount of money up front, at least £1,000. Even if he were to find someone to represent him, or act in person, at the end of the day it would only be a delaying tactic and the divorce would ultimately go through.

It would however be sensible to keep the particulars of his unreasonable behaviour as 'mild' as possible to avoid the possibility of him defending the divorce but of course make sure there is still enough in there so you don't run the risk of the District Judge throwing it out which I've known happen on one occasion. Your solicitor will be able to guide you on this if he/she thinks it is a weak petition

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