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Advice required.

51 replies

Desperate84 · 25/06/2009 10:54

My Husband and I met 4 years ago. He was still in a relationship with his then wife and I was in a relationship with my then Fiance.

We had an affair for approx 3-4 months in which time, I left my Fiance and my now husband continued to remain at the Marital Home with his wife and his daughter, then 3.

A week or so after I left my Fiance, my now Husband claimed he'd left the home and moved in with his sister. He'd moved his belongings out and was no longer with his then wife. This is not something that was requested of him by me, but following several arguments with his then wife; a decision he had made.

When the affair came to light, his then wife did the usual, came to see me to confront me, rang me told me he was still living there and that I was to come and see for myself that his Bike (which he'd told me was at his sisters with the rest of this belongings) was still in the garage and all his clothes were in the wardrobes etc etc.

I went and this was proven - so he'd lied. Anyway, they split and my now husband and I moved straight in with eachother. For months, I put up with him meeting her in pubs to 'discuss' and taking her out to lunch to 'see his daughter'. Every time he would get home, i would recieve a call to say he'd taken her to lunch and asked if they could get back together. ANYWAY, he said he wanted to be with me and that due to the problems and lies over those months, all contact with his daughter would be without her.

He was not allowed this, so in order to see his daughter, once again, I remained at home whilst he went and met his wife and daughter. Quite often, I would get texts again saying something had gone on, he was taking her on holiday etc.

Now, the matter went to court and he was awarded un-supervised contact and I was introduced. We vowed to eachother that we would not let her get in the way of us again. If she was going to lie about everything, HE proposed he didnt speak with her on the phone unless I was around - which was fine by me and he would certainly not be meeting her.

Now initially, following all the lies, I was dubious so I would often go with him when he collected his daughter and we would spend the day together. As time has passed, trust built between us and he has for the last 9-12 months been going alone.

Now, last week his step daugheter told me he'd been INTO the house. When I asked him, he point blank said he'd NEVER been into the house only to the door. I asked him to make sure he was not lying to me again and he finally came clean that he'd been into the house on ONE occasion to carry his daughter to the sofa because she had no shoes on.

Now, firstly I'm angry that he'd done something he told me he'd never do (go into the house) and secondly, if all was innocent, he never came home and told me - since he'll quite openly admit that we had agreed he'd never do it. BUT last of all, when I did find out - he lied.

He now thinks it's unreasonable that I have lost a little faith in him. He knew what we'd agreed and he knew how I felt. When I ask him why he did not carry her to the door and place her on the carpet - he now says she was half asleep and thats why he took her to the sofa - because the ex asked him too.

Am I being unreasonable to have lost faith in him?

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Desperate84 · 25/06/2009 10:58

Sorry, 3rd paragraph from end - was MY step daughter - his daughter.

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