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the most humiliating experience of my life

(40 Posts)
totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:34:45

I have made the most embarrassing, total fool of myself.

Please don't judge me too harshly because I know I have behaved badly on every level.

A few months ago I met a man who I found very attractive physically. I am a single parent and don't go out often but had an amazing chemistry with him. The thing is he is a coke dealer and has a coke habit himself.

I knew that I would never have a 'real' relationship with him because of that but started seeing him. The 'relationship' was messed up from the start, he had terrible moods and acted appallingly but was also charming at times. In bed it was amazing, the best sex I'd ever had.

In my mind we were never having a relationship and I did say this to him a few times. Eventually I said to him that I was only after a casual thing. I did just want the fun we had in the bedroom but nothing more, due to his dealing, his habit (and his moods, but I didn't mention the moods at the time). He wasn't happy and though not over between us, things got worse (outside of the bedroom).

Last weekend he invited me to a street party in his area. Basically, he ignored me when I was there and I didn't know many other people. I got really drunk which is totally unlike me. Later on I bumped into him and he started having a real go at me saying I used him for sex, all I wanted was a fuck buddy, that I knew what he did when I first met him and then he wanted to go outside and have a fight with me...He actually said he wanted a physical fight with me.

The way I responded...and this is where it gets worse. I said I would show him it wasn't just about sex and that I hadnt used him by following him around all night. So I did (and texted and rang him several times as well) and he couldn't shake me off for about an hour...I eventually staggered home.

The next day, mortified I texted him to apologise for harassing him and said I had never used him (although of course in some respects I had) and that I'd never bother him again.

How I could have acted like that, let alone get involved with someone like him I don't know. (I am a good parent and my son has had no involvement with him).

I do honestly think he thought we were having a relationship although his behaviour has been inexcusable for most of the time.

kittywise Wed 24-Jun-09 22:37:21

We all do things we would rather not have done.
Don't beat yourself up, you're only human. Move on nowsmile

louii Wed 24-Jun-09 22:38:05

Draw a line under it and do not contact him again.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:38:06

and now I look like I'm obsessed with him...to the people that were there. Drink made me act like a mad woman.

I honestly thought why not just have a bit of fun, when he obviously thought it was something more.

How could he have said he wanted a fight with me?

Hassled Wed 24-Jun-09 22:38:39

He behaved like way more of a prat than you have. He's 10/10 on the Prat Score, you're a mere 6/10. Just forget it, move on and the next bloke you meet will be nice and normal .

HolyGuacamole Wed 24-Jun-09 22:39:15

I think we warned you about this guy.

You know you're better off without him. Why didn't you just admit to him, that for you, it was a casual thing?

notnowbernard Wed 24-Jun-09 22:40:09

<distant bell rings>

mrsmaidamess Wed 24-Jun-09 22:40:13

You said yourself you didn't know anyone there...so what does it matter?

dittany Wed 24-Jun-09 22:40:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:42:16

you did warn me and honestly it was worth it though. I know that sounds awful but the times it was good, it was great. I know that makes me sound sex mad but it was about the sex for me.

I did say it was a casual thing right from the start but he didn't accept that.

It was when I really emphasised it that everything went wrong.

I will still miss sleeping with him.

Kitsilano Wed 24-Jun-09 22:43:52

OK - I know it feels cringeworthy.

But...he sounds like a real loser and you don't want a relationship with him - so who cares what he thinks? And as for the other people there - what are the chances you would ever see them again - so who cares what they think?

Really the only person who matters in this is you - forgive yourself for a bit of silly behaviour, move on and learn.

sleepycat Wed 24-Jun-09 22:44:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kitsilano Wed 24-Jun-09 22:44:37

And find someone decent who you can have great sex with!

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:44:52

no I did do something wrong. I behaved like a man does when he wants a shag, gets a woman into bed and then at some point down the line tells her he doesn't want a real relationship. That would make me feel crap and I guess thats how he felt.

Him saying he wanted to fight me was totally inexcusable as were his moods.

mrsboogie Wed 24-Jun-09 22:45:36

erm he's a cokehead/dealer - he's hardly going to be the arbiter of reasoned behaviour is he?

you made an arse of yourself but so what? it wasn't in front of anyone who matters (except yourself) forget it! let it be a warning to you that if something seems like a bad idea you will probably live to regret it sooner rather than later..

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:46:49

Yes I do need to find someone decent. I guess the good thing is I honestly am not bothered about him apart from missing having sex with him.

I can understand his point of view in feeling used. But how he acted with threatening me was awful.

dittany Wed 24-Jun-09 22:47:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:50:12

I have never, ever met a man who said he wanted a 'fight' with a woman! Nor have I met or been involved with a drugs dealer! or experienced the irrational mood swings of someone who is an addict.

I think we both did wrong. Him in his moods and behaving so rudely and then threatingly that night. Me with going along with a relationship with someone who I'd never really get involved with and then behaving like a complete idiot.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:52:20

dittany, to me it's almost inconceivable that he would have hit me...He's 6foot and about 12 and a half stone, I'm 5'2 and about 9 stone!
He didn't seem the violent type but obviously I was wrong.

dittany Wed 24-Jun-09 22:57:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyGuacamole Wed 24-Jun-09 22:57:47

Take it as a lesson and if you want a shag in future, be upfront about it and choose someone who's not messing around with drugs.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 22:58:57

yes you're right but I wouldn't normally just want a shag - it was because he was involved in drugs that I only wanted that.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 23:01:20

No the reason I behaved like such an idiot was because I thought that we could make up and we'd go home together. It was only afterwards that I thought through what he'd said to me about a fight.

It may not feel like it now, but you've done yourself a favour. Maybe it was your higher self doing the right thing by making this man not want to be around you any more. Don't beat yourself up - you acted badly amongst bad people. You're back amongst good people who matter now, and they don't know what you did. So forget about it and move on.

totalidiot Wed 24-Jun-09 23:08:16

it seems you can't always get what you want. Why does something such fun have to end with such nastiness?

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