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DH has gone out drinking for the first time in over a year and i'm worried!

(26 Posts)
Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 20:37:49

Me and DH have been married for 4yrs and up until around 14mths ago DH used to go out maybe every other weekend sometimes more,
I never had a problem with him going out but I did have a problem with the condition he used to come home in and we used to have blazing rows about it (DH was always very argumentative and verbally abusive when drunk).

Anyway after the birth of DS 3.5yrs his drinking seemed to get worse, we were running a failing business at the time and I was completely knackered with a newborn and a business to run and not much help from DH. Things were pretty bad and I think DH was drinking because of the stress.

We managed to get out of the business when DS was 7mths old and DH's drinking calmed down but when he did go out he was still volatile and nasty with his words, He just seemed so angry about everything, I feel I must mention that he has never laid a finger on me and I'm sure I know him well enough to say that he never would.

Things reached breaking point after the birth of DD 15mths, DH was still going out and I felt an awful lot of resentment towards him, after all my life had changed completely I was a responsible mother who always put our DC first and I desperately loved DH and wanted everything to be ok between us, he on the other hand seemed to be having his cake and eating it, and spending money that we didn't have to boot.

I had told him many times that if he didn't change his ways I would leave and take the DC with me but it was like I was banging my head up against a brick wall.

Anyway he went out for a whole day drinking session when DD was around 4wks old and turned up early the next morning steaming drunk and and tried to get into bed were I was sleeping with DS and I told him to sleep on the sofa, He started his usual nastiness and I screamed at him to leave and tried to push him out the front door, by this point as you can imagine I'd had enough, He wouldn't go and I was desperate and didn't want this for myself or our DC so I called the police. They came and asked if I wanted him arresting, I told them I didn't I just wanted him out of the house so they took him to his mums.

Well that was all 14mths ago and DH has only had the occasional after work pint with work mates. Since the morning I called the police till now DH has been fantastic in every way, Loving caring sensitive husband and playful responsible father and I can honestly say that the man I fell in love with is back, But tongiht he has gone out drinking with his mates from work and I feel sick with worry and dread that the other man that I hate will come walking through the door.

He assured me when he walked out the door that this is a one off and he won't be late home. He also apologised again for his awful past behaviour. I know I should trust him but i'm so scared that our happy little bubble will burst.

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 20:43:35

No wonder you're worried sad You say you know you should trust him but drink has a way of totally changing a person. I have a friend like your dh. I'm out with her this weekend and am dreading her getting nasty. I had to put her straight last time it happened as she was having a go at another really soft friend.
I hope he sticks to his word and that the shock of the police taking him to his mother's will be in his mind? If not then he's selfish.

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 20:48:37

Thanks curiousmama Its such an awful feeling having to trust someone who's let you down in the past.
In the last year everyone has commented on how much he's changed for the better and how close we've become. I'm just praying that our happiness is as impotant to him as it is to me.

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 20:50:27

Has he been in contact by text or phone yet? Or do you feel you should at least try to trust him?

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 20:52:25

He hasn't been intouch but he only left at 7, I've never been one to txt or phone him while he's been out I want him to feel that I trust him.

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 20:55:30

Yes I can understand that. You're going to be on edge all night aren't you? sad Do you have a camcorder you could set up to record him? I'm thinking of trying to record my mate sometime, might do it on the phone? It can be a shock to see how you behave.

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 20:59:22

I always used to tell him that I would record him when he was drunk because it really was like living with jekyll and hyde.
when he was sober he was gentle and loving but drunk I can honestly say I hated him.

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 21:00:23

So can you have it set up and click it on to record if he starts?

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 21:02:54

Yes but i'm really hoping I won't have to use it.

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 21:05:56

me too hope he sticks to his word.

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 23:11:54

He's not home yet and he's not been intouch, I have a bad feeling about this.

noddyholder Wed 24-Jun-09 23:15:11

Have been where you are I am thinking of you and have everything crossed.xx

Curiousmama Wed 24-Jun-09 23:16:15

oh no sad ring him at least you'll have an idea? Tell him you want a kebab or something? xx

Dragonfly74 Wed 24-Jun-09 23:35:16

curiousmama I'm going to sound stubborn now but I don't want to ring him to get him to come home, I want him to come home because its what he wants iyswim.

Thanks noddyholder Hope things worked out for you.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 24-Jun-09 23:54:33

GOod luck, hope it works out OK. Unfortunately it is sometimes the case (and I say this as a long term drinker) that when you have not had a drink in a while, you actually get pissed on less drink than you expect. But maybe he will come home pissed but not obnoxious.

Curiousmama Thu 25-Jun-09 00:02:50

Yes can understand that D74. Going to bed now and hoping you have a peaceful night x

expatinscotland Thu 25-Jun-09 00:03:30

He was away all night boozing it?

You're a bigger person than I am! That's where I'd have drawn the line.

AnyFucker Thu 25-Jun-09 07:33:04

how did it work out?

is everything ok ?

Curiousmama Thu 25-Jun-09 09:44:35

how are you?

noddyholder Thu 25-Jun-09 11:16:25

Is he back and are you ok?

SueMunch Thu 25-Jun-09 17:23:12

Would like to hear what happened - hopefully it worked out fine?

Dragonfly74 Thu 25-Jun-09 20:16:36

Everythings ok, he came in late but had the sense to sleep on the sofa so he didn't disturb me or the DC.

He's felt a bit sorry for himself today because he was hungover but I can cope with that, at least there was no arguing.

Curiousmama Thu 25-Jun-09 20:46:12

smile Phew!! So glad to hear he behaved responsibly.

Dragonfly74 Thu 25-Jun-09 20:50:11

Thanks curiousmama I feel relieved and happy but I worried so much last night and didn't sleep well and i've felt totally drained today.

I really should have trusted him shouldn't I!

Curiousmama Thu 25-Jun-09 20:51:47

No not really considering his track record. Don't beat yourself up about that. Hopefully you'll get a good rest tonight x

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