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is my desire for a bigger family because Im not happy with my own?

(5 Posts)
chosenone Wed 24-Jun-09 20:26:06

A couple of issues mixed in together I think here but bear with me. I have just returned from a family event and as usual it was a bit stressful. It is always the same, my dad is lovely but bad tempered, my mum lovely but clearly trying to ignore the problem that is my brother, yet she too is quite stoic by nature.. He is lovely too, and we love him but he has had a problem with drugs off and on for 13 years. He lives on his own in a bedsit and is always in debt after blowing his money on 3 day benders. Today he was probably on a comedown, tired, grumpy mono syllabic and edgy. It makes situations uncomfortable and awkward. He's had councelling in the past for addictions and is naturally quite a downbeat person and so different from the rest of us.

I came away with my own little family thinking I want my family to be so different from mine, more fun, more loving and less of the awkwardness, I never wanted to be with them from the age of 13 and everyone elses families seemed more fun, the closeness I had with my brother as little children has got less and less as the years have gone on and we're so different. I feel that because I have a boy and girl with exactly the same age gap that I don't want history to repeat its self I want them to have at least one other sibling to be a gang rather than a pair. I am broody too and love babies, the toddler bit puts me off more but when I look at the big picture I feel I want to re create a bigger happier family than my on, is this wrong?

warthog Wed 24-Jun-09 20:34:42

i think that's as fair enough a reason to have another dc as any. it's your decision and no-one elses (except your dh's of course!). but i do think that even if you didn't have another there is no way your family dynamic would be the same. you for one wouldn't let it.

Ispy Wed 24-Jun-09 20:35:57

No it's not wrong. I too am from a 'family' that I am actually reticent about, if not full-blown ashamed of. I know I have huge issues stemming from my childhood, not least about my relationship with my parents, nevermind siblings. I am now the proud mamma of 3 and am determined to have a 'better' family experience.. HTH

chosenone Wed 24-Jun-09 20:43:10

Yes Im sure I wouldn't let my family be the same but I find myself doing things my mum would do like hushing us up and wanting quiet to do my own thing, read paper for a bit things like that. I want to be closer to my own DC and have more time for them. I think my DD would benefit from more siblings as although she'd be jealous she's affectionate and socialble whereas her brother is very independent. I was just scared that it was the wrong reason, but I do other things like encourage them talk about feelings instead of hushing them up and thats a positive reaction to the stiff upper lip of our upbringing.

warthog Wed 24-Jun-09 21:33:31

there's not a mum on earth that doesn't wish their kids would just shut up for a bit. doesn't mean you're a bad mum or you're turning into your own mum. i think you're doing a great job, and there is no way you'll give them the childhood you had. no way.

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