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Anyone else's DH/DP always work late into the evening?

(22 Posts)
wonderingwondering Mon 22-Jun-09 20:05:03

Do you get sick of having to put the children to bed yourself, make dinner, tidy up, then sit on your own all evening? Or do you accept that's part of his job and get on with it?

helips Mon 22-Jun-09 20:13:08

dh is normally home by 8pm although will be half past tonight. I'm pretty much used to it but do wish he was around to help bath ds, put toys away etc, especially now as I am pregnant and pretty shattered by the end of the day. I feel like it's just me dealing with ds as dh leaves for work before ds is even awake.

However, dh does a lot at weekends and we have a pact whereby every Friday he gets home to bath ds and put him to bed so at least come Friday I know I can relax! He also baths him Saturday and Sunday night so I have the weekend off! Could you get your dh to something similar?

wonderingwondering Mon 22-Jun-09 20:16:13

Yes, DH is great when he's here - and sorts them out in the morning. And at the weekend, if he's not working he does baths etc, but inevitably they want us both up there playing boats in the bath!!

I'm not complaining about DH, just the situation, really. He works until nearly midnight most nights, so it is just wearing me down a bit.

PlumBumMum Mon 22-Jun-09 20:22:11

Sometimes it gets to me but I'm used to it now, but I do use the time to watch programmes that dh wouldn't watch with me if he were at home
Although I still haven't learnt my lesson, I will leave things like ironing until dcs are in bed, and then once they are in bed I think deserve a wee relax infront of the tv, so now I have a big pile of ironing to do and I can't be bothered

MagNacarta Mon 22-Jun-09 20:27:19

DH is away every Monday night and works late about another two to three nights a week. Late is 10pm onwards, early is home at 7.30.

Yes I do get fed up with it, can't afford a babysitter that often and sometimes wonder where my life is.

Other times it's ok.

DH also very good when he is here.

wonderingwondering Mon 22-Jun-09 20:29:37

MagnaCarta, that is similar to my DH although recently it has been 'late' every night. I can't really complain to him about it as that's his job, and he's under enough pressure as it is, but it is quite difficult at times.

traceybath Mon 22-Jun-09 20:31:48

I'm used to it.

Would be nice if sometimes he didn't have to work quite so hard but its not like he's down the pub every night.

To be honest i'd rather be me chatting on the phone or on mumsnet or watching TV than him stressing about work and work until silly o'clock every night.

It also helps that i don't know many people where the DH's are around to help with bedtime.

EldonAve Mon 22-Jun-09 20:35:46

I get fed up with it
I wouldn't mind if it was a definite schedule instead of 7pm "yes I'm leaving soon", 8.30pm "um no change of plan not leaving anytime soon"

envy of those who get lots of help at the weekend too, DH needs rest then apparently hmm

tigerbear Mon 22-Jun-09 20:43:03

DH has worked late (about 10ish) every night for the past week or so on a big deadline, and almost every week he works late at least once or twice. Used to it, however I don;t have DC's, and would probably not be so tolerant if I did...
Suppose I can't complain though - at least he has a job, and he is supporting me financially right now, while I start a new business...

shootfromthehip Mon 22-Jun-09 20:50:56

I flippin' hate it. My DH works 'til 7 pm and then opens his laptop at about 7.30pm. He rarely sees the kids in the evenings and I sit on MN watching telly every night. I go to bed alone and he wakes me up (and not in a good way) at 11.30pm most nights.

This happens Sun- Thurs night- EVERY night. He has been working like this for in excess of 2 years (he works for a Bank and doesn't have a choice at the moment with the way things are).

It's lonely and annoying and I feel cheated for myself and my LO's.

Oh and he does feck all around the house and I'm not allowed to moan about it.

Can you tell this has touched a nerve?

wonderingwondering Mon 22-Jun-09 20:58:19

Sorry to get you all riled up, but it is comforting to know it is not just me!

My RL friends are all astonished at the hours he works, and that he is never home to help in the evening. And it's not just that, it's the fact that I can't do anything Mon-Fri, not even nip to the shops, as he's not here to stay with the children - if he got in at eight I could at least pop out for an hour.

It is really lonely. And I feel bad complaining about it, as he gets paid well, his job is reasonably secure, he does help when he's here. So I can't get on at him about it, but it is difficult. I just don't know anyone else in the same situation.

therealthing Mon 22-Jun-09 22:26:50

Same here!

Most evenings gets in 8.30-9ish. Sometimes 10pm or 11pm. A couple of memorable occasions-3am and 4amshock. I am used to it now and he does "help" at weekends.

I have to "book" him in way in advance if I want a night out. God forbid I ask him to take a day off (to be fair, he does sometimes) but he fecks off on his corporate golf days, sailing days, ski trips etc. "but it's work..."angry.

The thing that annoys me at the moment is his blackberry going everywhere with him. He's always on the bloody thing. On holiday he checks it every hour and he taps away on it in bedangry.

There are three of us in this relationship...

bluejelly Mon 22-Jun-09 22:33:34

Can you talk to them about having a better work/life balance?
I'm a single mum with a busy job but I really try and make sure that I home by 7pm and that I only do extra work once a week max. It's tough, and I don't ever really manage to clear my inbox, but I do have a clear sense of separation between work and home.

squilly Mon 22-Jun-09 22:40:45

We've started to spend some time together lately to counteract the whole working til 10pm in the basement routine.

We spend a couple of nights in the basement together, a couple of nights playing mariokart and a a couple of nights he works through or has the laptop upstairs with me.

I'm very lucky. DH plays a very active part in DD's life. In return he has to work in the evenings, so I cut him whatever slack he needs. Having said that, we did have a phase where I felt like I never saw him, hence the routine listed above.

I'm sure you'll sort something out with your dh. It sounds like he's involved in the family aspects sufficiently to be responsible to you if that makes sense.

lockets Mon 22-Jun-09 22:45:31

Message withdrawn

Mintyy Mon 22-Jun-09 22:49:20

It makes me sick that people have to work these sort of hours to keep their jobs and be grateful for the money. Who do their employers think they are? I honestly think it contributes to the breakup of many relationships - which is terrible for society as a whole.

My dh works silly hours sometimes (he is at work now, having left the house at 6.30am, will probably get home around midnight) but at least he works for himself.

Sympathies all round.

CherryChoc Mon 22-Jun-09 22:57:12

Can I add my sympathy/support? My DH is like this as well. Any time from 6pm to 11pm he is home, and usually after 7. He has Monday and Sunday off but quite often goes out to work "for an hour or two" and ends up being out all day. What is really frustrating is he doesn't even get paid that well.

I find I feel envious when friends are worrying about their husbands going away for one night, because I have to do all the evenings on my own (even when he is here as he's "too tired" to help) and even though I feel like a single parent sometimes I don't feel I can say that because as little as the support is I get from DH, at least it is something.

Shall we start a support thread?

lockets Mon 22-Jun-09 23:04:10

Message withdrawn

squilly Mon 22-Jun-09 23:14:24

We have the same thing Lockets. Poor hours, but to be fair, that's DH's choice. He wants to do a good job the best he can, so he works extra hours.

In return he's had football tickets bought for him for Wembley, weekends away paid for for him and me, gifts from his boss. It's not all bleak, but the hours can still get on your pip from time to time.

LovelyRitaMeterMaid Mon 22-Jun-09 23:16:00

DH is often home late - 8pm is "early" and it's not unusual for it to be about 9:30 or so.

Of course, today when he was back at 7:30 I have been spending the evening working (need to do some more now).

wonderingwondering Tue 23-Jun-09 20:47:21

Thank you all, I'm sorry you are all suffering along with me but it is nice to have company!

With DH's job there's not really an option to slow down. If the work is there it needs to be done and he has to keep moving forward and developing the business. But he is great, he really helps out when he is here, and he sorts things out in the morning so I at least get dressed without the children hanging off my legs.

I feel a bit brighter tonight - he'd worked ALL weekend and I was dashing around last night to get ready for me to go to work today so was pretty fed up.

I felt really cross (quite unfairly) when my friend was complaining that 'sometimes' her DH doesn't get home until 8, but all her friends husbands are home by 5! It really is another world, and I had to stop myself doing that Monty Python thing - well, that's nothing, look at how hard MY life is.... When really I'm luckier than most smile.

wonderingwondering Tue 23-Jun-09 21:18:46

Do you think the working late impacts on your relationship? In some ways I feel there's a bit of distance between DH and me, just because we don't have a conversation other than 'did you put the bins out' type things from Mon-Fri.

But then we are able to enjoy the time we have together as we don't have financial worries or concerns over his job security. But I wonder whether this lifestyle is sustainable over the next thirty years.

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