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dragging up past memories

(5 Posts)
wahwah1270 Mon 22-Jun-09 14:03:50

my parents came to stay last week. we have got on ok for the past couple of years although when i feel down i get told i'm being sorry for myself and hard work. But last week i noticed how strict they are with both dd and me, how much they have the mentality thsat children should be controlled. Now when they left on friday they drove off without saying goodbye coz i'd asked my father not to shout shut up at 11m dd. I'm hurt and it brought lots of qyuite agressive in a middle class type odway parentiing memories back. I havent spoken to them since friday although i would have normally called for a chat by now, they are so horrid, and even more so for not phoning to apologise. all i can hope is that i can be a more loving mother to dd than they were to me. as i dont get on with pil i feel that im not being fair on dd if we have no good grandparental relationship. i feel so miserable i want to cry but cant because of dd

islandlassie Mon 22-Jun-09 14:15:39

I'm so sorry to hear that. I have no idea how it feels I'm afraid but just wanted to say that it is up to you how to raise your child and although unfortunate how your parents are being, the most important thing is that you make sure your daughter is raised in the correct way, everything else comes second and that includes your parents opinions and ideas. If they cant see you are trying to do the best by your child and support you but want to be immature about it that is their problem.

ActingNormal Mon 22-Jun-09 14:18:41

This sounds upsetting. Can you find a space in your day when you can have a little cry in secret to let some of it out?

When you have children it does bring back your childhood memories. There may have been things your parents did which you didn't give much thought to, even though they made you feel not very good at the time, but when you have your own children and realise you would not and could not treat your own children that way and the thought of it is horrible, the memories come back and you feel the wrongness of the way they treated you.

It is really good that you can see that it is wrong and aren't just subconsciously carrying on the way your parents did things as a habit.

You are also really good to stand up for your children and not allow them to be treated in ways you feel is wrong. It has probably shocked your parents (good!) after they have always treated you that way and finally someone is confronting them about it.

HappyWoman Mon 22-Jun-09 15:02:48

my dc do not have any 'good' grandparents - and although i wish dearly that i could change things i know i cant and so have learned to accept it.

I too was determined not to bring my children up as my parents did me - as did my dh.

It is hard and sad at times, and i wish you well in doing what you know to be right for your dc.

mrsboogie Mon 22-Jun-09 18:11:44

Having good grandparents is absolutely brilliant but its a bonus. What really matters is that children have good parents who want them to be happy and treat them well. Your daughter clearly has that.

Shouting at an 11month old is not on.

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