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How to make my DH step up??

(7 Posts)
Kopparbergkate Mon 22-Jun-09 09:41:29

We're moving house atm (friday is actual move day) and I've just found out that dh told the movers/packers not to worry about talking to the council re parking - "we" would sort it out. Thing is, he hasn't, we've run out of visitors permits and I just don't have time (or tbh inclination) to sort it out now.

This is the last straw, he's done v little for the move and what he has done has been discreet tasks that I've listed for him and checked that he's done. I feel like I'm supervising his homework!!

I am a part time student/SAHM and in the last month I've done the first part of my finals and my gmum has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She's not expected to last more than a few weeks so I've been visiting her in the hospice every day (2 hour round trip drive + visit time).

I just feel like my head is exploding with all the organizing - how do I get DH to help and do more THINKING??

In the past I have been the one who organizes everything and I've managed but I feel like I'm clinging on by my fingernails here.

warthog Mon 22-Jun-09 10:59:07

you've got to tell him he'd better get his act sorted out. he's not a fucking child. tell him to engage brain and that if he sees something that needs doing then JUST DO IT. this means ORGANIZE THE PARKING, and whatever else you want him to do.

but the sad reality is that he is not going to change overnight and unfortunately he probably does need a list of things to do.

Kopparbergkate Mon 22-Jun-09 12:19:13

Oh dear, I was hoping you wouldn't say that - it's been a painful battle to get to the lists stage. It's not that he's mean or nasty or won't do stuff - after I ranted this morning he's sorted out the parking (ish, I still have to go to the council offices to pay) - it's just the lack if THOUGHT!!!

I fantastise about having a butler or personal assistant or something; someone who'll occasionally do the thinking for me so all I have to do is work down the to do list and know that if it's not on the list, it's not my problem

warthog Mon 22-Jun-09 13:24:04

hmm well i occasionally tell dh to engage his brain not only at work but at home too. that sometimes helps. thing is, then you start second guessing each other and some things get done twice and others not at all.

so we now agree who is responsible for what and we don't encroach on each other's territory.

Kopparbergkate Mon 22-Jun-09 13:54:48

ok, that sounds hopeful - who decides the "what needs to be done" part though? cus in our house its always me and then I dole out the tasks leading to the "homework diary" situation... GRRR

He's taken a day off on Wednesday to get the house in a fit state for the packers and to pack what we'll need in a hotel for 6 weeks (long story and no where near as glam as it sounds!). I've booked a hair cut and colour for the afternoon - I was going to cancel on the basis that it was all hands to the pump but sod it, I've cancelled once already and he should be more than capable of getting on with it for a couple of hours.

warthog Mon 22-Jun-09 16:44:26

hmmm tough one. i would give him a sizable chunk to do that involves organizing and doing.

mamas12 Mon 22-Jun-09 22:30:41

Give it all for him to do. Say you are too involved with you sick relative and can't cope and you are willing to help him in any way he wants , just to let you know what he wants you to do.

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