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Has anyone got an injunction against controlling (soon to be ex) H before?

(14 Posts)
whereismumhiding Sun 21-Jun-09 19:33:14

I've been posting on another thread. But need some special advice now. Has anyone got an injunction against a controlling and soon to be ex-H before? Can you tell me a bit about the process and what to look out for? Anything I should know?

I've copied the relevant bit in here from the other thread.. background: We have 3 young DC... H has left over 3 months ago but behaving terribly. He has also moved a load of money and keeps threatening that as his name is on mortgage he can "break into the house with police watching anytime he wants". This is first time I called police to an incident and they came straight away, but is a repeat of behaviour during the marriage but the second time he's done it after he left also... and I feel I need to do something now to keep him away from me for my own peace of mind.

".. H was arrested on Saturday for assulating me, he stormed past into the house and wouldnt leave then kept grabbing me pulling me around. All this infront of the children. DD2 and DS1 were really distressed and worried about mummy. DD2 refused to get in his car, so he screeched off (despite me asking him to wait until police arrived and calm down) with DS1 and DD3 (baby) in his car and the police were looking for him until he came back. DD2 was hysterical at being left behind but not wanting to go. He was totally out of control.

It was like someone had dropped me into Eastenders. I always thought soaps were grossly exagorated. I suspect he'd been drinking on friday night and was hungover and wound up about something.

Anyway I asked the police not to arrest him and refused to give statement etc. But they did anyway. That was indescribably shocking for me. He went off in police car to station. But they rang me back 3 hours later to say they have dropped the case for lack of evidence after interviewing him (he denied it etc - but I had red marks on my arms which are now finger bruises so I dont doubt they believed me)

Anyway, it's on record now so I guess a line in the sand has been drawn. The police told me that H was told by them to stay away from my house and he cannot pick up the DC from my house anymore. So... it'll be contact centre now once sort that out.

In some ways I feel this sense of relief, as I just want him to leave me alone and would feel much better if I never saw him again.. DC fine but not me. It's like he can't let go. He seems to be so out of contrl. Like the debt I've discovered he's run up. The thing is he is soo controlled and manipulative in some ways, he can lose his rag, go extreme, then snap out of it. He did when police arrived and probably charmed them and seemed so plausible.

I think that frightens me more than anything. It's not like a genuine losing your temper, and then realising afterwards, he covers instantly with all smiles and "hello officer how can I help you". You should have seen his eyes flash when they arrested him. it's all so controlling. So I feel intimidated as he equally switches into a rage quickly when he sees me..."

whereismumhiding Sun 21-Jun-09 19:35:22

I don't at this point think that DC are at risk by the way, but am monitoring it closely. The moment I hear he seriously lost his temper (more than the usual parent stuff) with DC I'd do something.

ChgdnoM Sun 21-Jun-09 19:41:26

no, but bump !!

whereismumhiding Sun 21-Jun-09 22:44:36

anyone?

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 21-Jun-09 22:47:40

Message withdrawn

theDreadPirateRoberts Sun 21-Jun-09 22:52:15

Are you in contact with Womens Aid? They can provide advice over the phone, and possibly outreach worker to help you with this.

Womens Aid

Yes - you should get an injunction/non-molestation order against him. He has the right to enter the marital home, but see a solicitor and get the order sorted, which will effectively revoke that right for the length of time specified.

Good luck with all of this.

GypsyMoth Sun 21-Jun-09 22:52:54

The moment you hear he seriously lost his temper you'd do something? Hope for everyones sake it's not too late !!! Keep him away from your kids. Supervised contact if necessary.

SOLOisMeredithGrey Sun 21-Jun-09 23:05:32

I took an injuction out against exh1 because of his violence, manipulation and he too was a control freak and he wouldn't leave me alone once I'd split with him.
It was a really long time ago and all I can really remember was things happened quite quickly once the solicitor had got things in motion. I felt very afraid of him for a very long time ~ even with the injunction in place though as he had the knack of being Mr Charming with everyone else, even the police.

You should talk to a good solicitor IMO.

Schoolgirl Sun 21-Jun-09 23:08:43

The first thing you should do is contact the police and tell them you want to make a statement about Saturday's events. Why on earth did you not want charges pressed? If you had co-operated, he probably would have been bailed on condition not to go to your address, approach you etc.

If you do want an injunction and you're eligible for legal aid, you first have to prove that the police were unwilling or unable to take action. You'd be unlikely to qualify on the grounds of merit because you refused to allow the police to do their job.

If you wanted to take an injunction out privately, it would cost a lot of money. Most solicitors would want at least a thousand pounds on account due to the paperwork, court appearances etc.

screamingabdab Mon 22-Jun-09 03:23:11

Bumping this for you, in case you need more advice/support. Sorry I can't help

theDreadPirateRoberts Mon 22-Jun-09 10:46:35

Agree with Schoolgirl - the law is there to protect you if you let it - talk to the police again. You can also do a diy injunction, and Womens Aid may be able to help you with this, but work with the police first?

whereismumhiding Mon 22-Jun-09 21:16:22

HI Thanks MNs

Thanks all of you. Especially Schoolgirl - yes, exactly what am doing now!

Went into action today. Saw GP (who recorded injuries today), went into police station- I didnt know they had "filled out a DV list form on my behalf but not asked me any of the questions and just written No on everything, but DV police officer did it again and I came out HIGH risk!!

She has asked me to give a statement and I said I would think about it. Saw solicitor and she told me to make a statement. I am going to... phew, bit of a leap into the dark. But told I need to co-operate with the police, as this is my one time to get him to back off. She said exactly the same as schoolgirl - you are very wise.

I also saw Children services as welfare report had been made on my DC (to offer me support and advice) and they were VERY helpful and will be taking it up with H. I'm very open to any help I can get, as I think I've been a bit blinkered about how to manage the situation and manage him. I am worried about the effect on my DC and what the potential might be. What if he does turn his temper on the DC? He hasnt so far, but you're right, he could and I'm just hoping for the best all the time. Nothing I do seems to appease him. He seems angry all the time.

Solicitor said he has just shown that this isnt about the DC but is about controlling me otherwise he would have just left with the DC for his weekend, rather than spend his time instead trying to force his way into house and hurting me all infront of DC.

screamingabdab Mon 22-Jun-09 22:03:53

Glad you are getting help whereismum

Every day I come on here and read about experiences like yours, and I I can't believe the crap some people like you have to go through.

Be safe x

Schoolgirl Tue 23-Jun-09 10:01:04

You're very welcome smile I'm so pleased that you've got the police side of things sorted out. Do keep us posted and well done for sticking up for yourself and the dc - it can't have been easy.

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