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Is it wrong to ask ex not to drink when hes has DD

(8 Posts)
Sarasue Sun 21-Jun-09 12:33:36

Had a massive arguement with ex yesterday, he was due to have DD today but she wanted to stay with him last night so she could make him special breakfast this morning. She phoned him and he said he was busy, going drinking with friends. He has her 1 day a week at most, DD was so upset as he's been busy most weekends for the last couple of months and on holiday for 3 weeks. I called him and asked if he could change plans just this once, he went mad called me all the names under the sun and went on about how he can't even have a drink when he has her because I am so up my own arse. DD could hear him yelling on the phone and so I had to send her into the garden. When she has been with him I ask if she did anything nice, she always says she went to the pub or to his friends for drinks. He gets so agressive whenever I say anything and seems more than happy to scream and shout at me in the street when I am collecting DD. She sees everything, she is only 9 and I am so worried, she is with him now. How do I handle this, any advice please.

mamas12 Sun 21-Jun-09 16:17:39

Aw your poor dd . She still wants to go and do something nice for him for fathers day and has been metaphorically kicked in the teeth for it .
This is so trickey becasue he is obviously not actually listening to what you are saying re: dd but ranting at you.
I would suggest putting it all in an email calmly and without blame just pointing out she wanted to do something for him her dad and was upset by the reaction.
And try not to speak to him I only communicated by email now it's sooo much better.

Sarasue Sun 21-Jun-09 16:25:07

I wish I could just email, but he doesn't have a computer, can't afford one, but he can happily spend £100 a night in the pub!!! He doesn't pay maintenance, just brags about how much he earns. I feel so bad for DD. She is so desperate for him to give a sh** but I really don't think he does, she's really pretty and bright and I think he just likes to show her off in the pub to all the old drunks.

dittany Sun 21-Jun-09 16:28:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarasue Sun 21-Jun-09 16:40:06

I think he does have a drink problem, that is why I left him, I did see a solicitor a few years ago and was advised not to stop contact as it is the childs right. So I didn't, he did write a letter and went throught the issues I had and things did get better for about a year. I don't want to upset DD anymore than I have to, but I feel nervous whenever she is with him, spoke to his girlfriend recently and she told me he drinks and drives, I am so scared for DD. Would a court stop him seeing her, he does have a criminal record for violent behaviour, recently got off for beating the crap out of his girlfriend, she refused to testify and stayed with him. He has hit me in the distant past. I did press charges but he just got a fine. I think he smokes weed when she is there also, she said daddy has special roll ups!!

Aeschylus Sun 21-Jun-09 16:45:27

I think you have every right......

remember she is still your child when with your EX...

I am surprised at his actions, as you never know when you may need to have a clear head or even drive, when a child is around

dittany Sun 21-Jun-09 16:50:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamas12 Sun 21-Jun-09 17:25:04

Next time he picks her up in the car phone the police and report him.

Dittanny is right get yourself to a solicitor he is NOT looking after your dd at all.

You will be doing the right thing by her by doing this.

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