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Anyone else not send thier Dad a Fathers Day card?

(34 Posts)
Frasersmum123 Sun 21-Jun-09 07:51:53

Has Fathers Day become a little bittersweet for you?

My SD left my Mum after 23 years 2 years ago for OW and I still feel bitter about it, we carried on a strained relationship until he decided to marry OW, told me and my siblings but wouldnt tell my Mum, so I told her and he hasnt spoken to me since.

I feel so sad today, not because of the lost relationship, but it brings back all the hurt and stress if that makes any sense.

Heated Sun 21-Jun-09 08:54:43

No, I don't...but I may well have to start sending 'em. No falling out with my dad, it's just a contrived card-manufacturers invention - in fact I'm old enough to remember when it didn't exist in the UK but as an 'industry' it's really grown. However, my dad last year asked me where his card was - I pointed out the above & the fact that for 70 odd years he's bever had one but now SIL sends them.

JackBauer Sun 21-Jun-09 08:57:21

I haven't sent my father one, and haven't for about 6 years now since I cut contact.
He was a horrible physically and mentally abusive parent and cheated on my mum with men for roughly the entirety of their 28 year marriage so i don't feel he deserves one.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling sad although I feel sad about the lost relationship today, other times it is the anger/frustration that I feel, but on fathers day I just feel sad that I don't really have one, and it's not my fault, and it's not fair.

Saves money thoughwink

Heated Sun 21-Jun-09 08:57:31

Sorry btw about your situation Frasermummy. He sounds most unreasonable in not expecting you to tell your mother.

EachPeachPearMum Sun 21-Jun-09 09:05:02

Neither DH nor I have fathers... only DH's is deceased...

shivermetimbers Sun 21-Jun-09 09:14:00

DH doesn't, his parents disowned him when he married me. His father was very controlling and abusive but dh still gets upset at times like this. It's not because he has no relationship with his father, it's more that he wishes he had the kind of dad he could have a relationship with, if that makes any sense.

walkinthewoods Sun 21-Jun-09 09:16:44

Me neither, he's an arse. He didn't send me or the kids birthday cards this year apparently because he can't get them where he lives abroad hmm (e-mailed me sometime after my birthday) I didn't reply.

JackBauer Sun 21-Jun-09 09:18:25

Oh it's so nice to hear others say this. I daren't mention it in RL as when people find out that I have cut him out they get really shock and start the whole 'but he's your dad' thing as they just don't get it.

Flower3545 Sun 21-Jun-09 09:19:05

I didn't sad Heaven has no postmarksad

I'd give anything if I could thoughsad

JackBauer Sun 21-Jun-09 09:24:31

sad sorry flower.

MagNacarta Sun 21-Jun-09 09:30:59

No, haven't spoken to him for 15 years and I don't feel sad about it tbh, just resigned.

I haven't sent one to my step-dad either and I usually do, but forgot blush, luckily they're on holiday, so I'll put it in the post tomorrow.

Step-dad has been around since I was 19 and been more of a Dad then my 'real' one.

edam Sun 21-Jun-09 09:39:31

I forgot. Put it in the post yesterday but missed the Saturday post so it won't even arrive Monday. blush

My middle sister doesn't send him one as he's been a particularly crap father to her and upset her recently. He was a crap father to me, too, when we were little, but seemed to be much better since we were adults. Then he really hurt my middle sister...

Am sure youngest sister, the apple of his eye, will have sorted card/present/taking him out to lunch or something, though.

Frasersmum123 Sun 21-Jun-09 09:52:59

Flower im so sorry, when I posted this I was being self-indulgent. Im really sorry

madameovary Sun 21-Jun-09 09:58:48

I dont, I dont know his address. He was not a good father. I would like him to meet DD but cant take more knockbacks tbh.

ToughDaddy Sun 21-Jun-09 10:22:12

Haven't sent one, haven't received one (yet). Will call my dad later as he is overseas at present. DCs normally make me one which I prefer to shop purchased card. I am not great at the card thing but my siblings are so I get caught out. I prefer a chat/call/firm handshake/hug as a greeting.

EccentricaGallumbits Sun 21-Jun-09 10:28:26

nope.
hasn't been part of my life for a long time.
has some more children younger than my DDs (i don't hav an issue with that) and occasionally sends them birthday/christmas presents. I thn end up feeling guilty for not reciprocating to his other children but i really don't want him in my life and do wish he wouldn't.
will possibly be interesting in the future if his cildren want to know more about us though.

bronze Sun 21-Jun-09 10:31:58

no but i'm staying with my parents at the moment so will give him a hug instead

Saltire Sun 21-Jun-09 10:34:12

I wish I could. My dad died when I was 16 - just before father's day actually.
One of the young girls at work was telling me that she wasn't sending her dad a card "because he won't drive me into Portsmouth ON Saturday night or pick me up,I hate him"sad. I said to her - "when I was your age, I didn't have a dad to argue with, treasure him while you can"
She's 18.

Saltire Sun 21-Jun-09 10:36:56

I sent to FIl though, as DH is away and usually buys and posts him one.
To those of you whose father's have died and have FILs, do you call your FIL dad?

Flower3545 Sun 21-Jun-09 11:06:16

Thanks JackBauer.

Its ok Frasermum, he's been gone most of my adult life now so it's not as raw apart from days like today of course.

Poledra Sun 21-Jun-09 11:11:07

I opened this thread ready to have a rant at the manufactured days dreamt up by the greetings card industry, and how I do not send my dad a card for this reason (he doesn't expect one). Instead, I am humbled into remembering that I am so lucky to still have a father who is loving and caring. Thank you for reminding me through your own losses sad

Kimi Sun 21-Jun-09 11:21:11

My dad died when I was 12 but I still end up spending ££££££ on fathers day,

card for DH1 from kids, and gift
card for DP from kids and small gift
card for DPs dad or he would not get one
card for my great uncle
card for DCs Godfather
card for the father of my best friend who died (he gave me away at my wedding)

Onlyjoking Sun 21-Jun-09 11:22:23

I never knew who my dad was so I never did fathers day until we had kids and then I would make sure the kids did something for fathers day, feel odd this year as it's the first time we haven't done fathers day and it seems to be advertised everywhere, the kids school have done fathers day stuff this week and my 3 were upset that their dad has died, we will be eating dads fav trifle today and may write a letter/ card to go in the memory box.

hobbgoblin Sun 21-Jun-09 11:24:27

No. We don't speak. Same for Mother's Day. Have got cards for DC's fathers though have forgotten to post so they will receive Tuesday.

Deliberating whether to send one to father of baby due to be born any day soon. He is on a bike ride and will be seeing him later. I think it may be naff but could be good for reconciliation purposes...

LadyOfWaffle Sun 21-Jun-09 11:26:01

I haven't because he won't tell me where he lives hmm

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