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I need help on dating, do men really want that which evades them? and how do i do this best?

(14 Posts)
cheekysealion Sat 20-Jun-09 20:36:43

I struggle with knowing how to date men

do men like to do the chasing? and what does that mean on my part?

do i not contact them at all? (i really have to try hard not to text but i can resist if needed)

do men really like that which evades them? and not women who seem to keen- why do they prefer women like this?

It all seems like such a big game to me and i need tips on how to play this one..


ridingjoker Sat 20-Jun-09 21:21:06

some men like games, some dont, really is your preference.

if you cant be arsed with games then dont bother. just call/text if you want.

if you do enjoy the games playing then indulge yourself.

truth is if your honest to yourself then you will meet the right guy.

if you play games you will end up with someone who likes playing games. vice versa.

you want to meet the right guy...for you!!!

so do what you want to do. not what other people/books tell you.

most of all.....have FUN.

aseriouslyblondemoment Sat 20-Jun-09 23:35:11

ime yes leave it to them!
they like to do the chasing!
and nothing wrong with being busy either!
sitting tight always works for megrin

BitOfFun Sat 20-Jun-09 23:38:26

Just don't seem needy and give them the space to show interest without prompting...don't act standoffish though, and be as natural as you can. If it's meant to be, it will happen!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 20-Jun-09 23:48:13

Just be yourself, act as you feel right. If you're going to end up in a LTR with someone, you don't want to be playing games for the rest of your life!

Or maybe you do, I don't know.

BEAUTlFUL Sun 21-Jun-09 00:30:03

If you want to know how to play hard to get, buy The Rules, the best-selling book on the subject.

Everyone else here will tell you it's awful!, but it's BRILLIANT and its premises are sound (have your own life; listen to what men tell you, not what you want to hear; don't chase men). I adore it and it changed my life, honestly. smile

BitOfFun Sun 21-Jun-09 00:35:16

Beautiful, you are probably right! (Can I just have a quick hijack here to say how much I like your posts and think you are lovely?))

As you were. Ahem.

BEAUTlFUL Sun 21-Jun-09 01:29:05


God, how nice! Thanks. It's completely mutual. grin

sparkybint Sun 21-Jun-09 12:01:47

I think you need to let a man do the running in the beginning, so that means he asks you on dates and does most of the calling. It's not playing games, it's allowing a guy to show you whether he's got strength of character and is up to it.

After a while you can initiate more, but men do need to do the conquering initially, it's just human nature. And go slow, unless you're just after a fling. I've been in long-term relationships where after the very beginning the men got lazy and left things up to me and I ended up being very unhappy because they were so weak. I know I should have got out sooner but I've lived and learnt.

Good luck and have fun!

mrsruffallo Sun 21-Jun-09 12:03:51

I don't think there any rules really. Be yourself, relax, give things time to unfold naturally and be honest.

ABetaDad Sun 21-Jun-09 12:48:59

Well it is 25 years since I did this sort of thing and we used to use landline phones and write love letters (and check our spelling) back then rather than mobile phones and text messaging but I am sure 'The Rules' have not changed that much.

Basically, I agree with mrsruffalo but perhaps add a bit more.

To be honest, sometimes a man needs a bit of a nudge to let him know you are interested. Maybe he is interested but not sure you are. Depends on the context. Stopping by his desk at work and chatting, asking him if he would like to come for coffee that kind of thing. Then wait to see if he reciprocates. If someone is interested they are interested and will show it. If not they won't.

However, always being the person who does all the calling and all the running just seems too one sided. It has to be a two way street. I do think this sort of 'Mexican Standoff' dating game of I am not calling him because I want him to do the running is sensible.

Anyway I'll shut up before I start sounding like your Grandfather.

cheekysealion Sun 21-Jun-09 15:01:12

thanks for all replies... so the basic concept is to let them do the calls and plan get togethers in the beginning? in other words they have to pursue me? and def not me pursuing them?

betadad- sure you are not old enough to be my grandpa? smile

ABetaDad Sun 21-Jun-09 15:27:08

Erm.. yes they do the obvious calling but you do the less obvious nudging.

I think if you were my Grandchild you would not be quite old enough to have boyfriends yet. grin

MirandaBailey Sun 21-Jun-09 15:37:24

Don't play games, but something that you have to work that little bit harder for always seems more appealing, no?

The middle ground IMO would be to make sure you're living your life to the full for yourself, so that you may not always be available for him, not because you're playing games but because you are with friends/doing other stuff, and ejoy it. Let them know you're interested but that you are perfectly busy and happy and fulfilled, and they will have to work quite hard to be a part of that.

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