Hi everyone,
I've namechanged for this because I don't want even a small chance of being identified. I'd love some advice about a situation I'm having to deal with atm.
So basically here's the story. I have a good friend here in London, where I live. We've been friends for 6 years, she's the godmother of our baby too. I'm very close to her & love her very much, although there were always a few signs that some things are weird about her (but the positive aspects have always far outnumbered the negative). She has been married for 4 years with a guy who she's been together with 7 years. He's a very rich super-duper City type (but a really really nice guy nonetheless) and she always has openly said that financial security was one of the main reasons she married him. She actually quit her job immediately after marrying him and it was clear (again, she was open about this) that she waited to be married to do this. They have no children (this was always a difficult subject for them, won't go into details).
About 2 months ago she very suddenly decided to leave her husband. She did this in an extremely sudden, cruel (as I see it way). She told him she's in love with someone else & basically left him. She also told him that for years she had been unhappy & listed a whole range of things she says were wrong with the relationship. None of us had any clue she would do this. She had told me about a month before that she had some feelings for someone else but that nothing had happened & she was 'dealing' with it. I was shocked, to say the least, by the quickness & brutality of the break up. She now acts as if her husband is basically completely in the past.
I've been trying to support her through this as best I can, but to be honest, I think her behaviour towards her husband is inexcusable. She shows no guilt, she's in a kind of manic mood all the time. The last straw for me (which is why I'm posting here) is that she assumes- and she's probably right- that she'll get a huge chunk of money off him. Her husband came to visit me & DP to talk a week ago & he's absolutely devastated, especially because of her ruthlessness when it comes to the money. She assumes she won't need to work again all her life, & will live happily ever after with her new man, on her husband's money.
To be honest, I'm seriously thinking of ending the friendship as I find her behaviour strange, shocking & morally unacceptable. On the other hand, I've been too chicken to be open with her about how I feel, so I just have been avoiding her a bit. The most important thing I haven't been open about is the money. I simply cannot see why she expects never to work again. I think relationships are completely destroyed & divorces get so ugly when money becomes involved, and she's perfectly capable- and fully qualified- of working again, plus her husband told us that he would be very willing to pay her living expenses for 10 years or something but he's really hurt that she wants a huge amount (e.g. 30-40% of his money).
Anyway, that's the story. Sorry it was long & rambling. I'm really upset & I seriously wonder who this person is who I felt I knew, loved & trusted so much... What would you do?
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Not sure what to do about friend who left husband... need advice please (long, sorry).
15 replies
ambivalenceismyname · 17/06/2009 14:25
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