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Please help my husband left today VERY NEWEST THREAD

(353 Posts)
Notquitegrownup Tue 16-Jun-09 15:50:11

New thread here. Hope you find it BW.

Notquitegrownup Tue 16-Jun-09 15:52:53

Link to old thread link here

BottySpottom Tue 16-Jun-09 16:11:07

PirateRoberts - I think that is a great idea - would put BW in control and give him a damn good shock.

Can't believe he hasn't even called to see how DS1 is.

Longtalljosie Tue 16-Jun-09 16:14:42

Here's a cunning thought... Send him, via his work, a Royal Mail redirection form. Once he's filled it in, Royal Mail always send a copy of the form to the old address as a security measure. With both new and old addresses in it. You'll know where he is...

<LTJ polishes fingernails on lapel at her own sneakiness>

HappyWoman Tue 16-Jun-09 16:27:48


BW the gp may want to prescribe ADs - they work for panic attacks too. You dont have to take them but if you do decide to they do work and you feel a sense of calm.

Rescue remedy is good too and acts quickly. I have also uses kalms and quiet night which takes the edge off things a bit too.

You are doing so well - i think he must be feeling very guilty for what he has done and cant face you yet - and i bet ow is busy making him feel cared for - it will soon wear off though and she will want the man she first knew him to be not this weak pathetic man he has become.

daisybaby Tue 16-Jun-09 16:29:26

Brilliant and very cunning idea LTJ.

Would need to be accompanied by BW telling him that she will not receive any of his mail anymore, otherwise I don't think he would fill one in - it would be too permanent for him.

silkcushion Tue 16-Jun-09 16:43:03

sorry yr feeling shakey BW.

I would sign dd's card just from you. I agree 17 is too old for you to be pretending everything is ok. She knows it's not.

Are you doing anything nice for her birthday?

Boilerwoman Tue 16-Jun-09 16:58:29

I am still at work and not doing very wel. I wish it was 5.30pm so I could run away home. DDs 2 and 3 are home from school now and will have seen the post and neither has texted me to say there is a card for DD2 from her dad. I can't believe it.

I will be back once DD4 and DS are in bed. I have a feeling it will be a long night. Hopefully there will be lots of you around, hopefully..

Oh when does this start not to hurt so much?

avenginggerbil Tue 16-Jun-09 17:16:46

Nearly there BW. We'll be here later.

Notquitegrownup Tue 16-Jun-09 17:16:54

He will text her, not write.

You must be exhausted. Can you pick up some rescue remedy for yourself from Boots or a health food shop, on the way home? I'd forgotten how good that is, for calming panic attacks. You can also achieve a lot, by sitting in a comfy chair, or lying under a duvet, at home, closing your eyes and breathing in slowly and deeply, counting in-2-3-4-5, out-2-3-4-5. Do it ten times over, and try to imagine yourself somewhere where you really love to be: in a deep warm bubble bath/on a beach etc Your body is producing too much adrenaline, and you need to try persuade it to switch off regularly. Try to stay off caffine/fizzy drinks too, whilst you are feeling like this.

Then do get yourself back on here. There will be lots of MNetters around to speak to later on.

Thinking of you.

copycat Tue 16-Jun-09 17:29:41

NQG you beat me to it! bw please stop and buy some Rescue Remedy or Kalms on your way home. Are you managing to eat at the moment - you need the energy whilst you are not sleeping well.

Thinking of you. I will be around later on. In the meantime play some nice music in the car and try to think about something practical that you can do. Even if it's writing a shopping list for Sainsburys or what colour to pain the bathroom or which charity shop to take H's clothes too grin

copycat Tue 16-Jun-09 17:32:10

oh dear, your poor spelling is evidently contagious hmm

Lizzylou Tue 16-Jun-09 17:35:40

Hope you have a good evening, BW.
We are all here for you and I second (third?) the Kalms/Rescue Remedy tip.

Remember that you are the strong one, you are the one looking after your DC, looking after your home and working. He is the pitiful coward who has walked away from his responsibilities.

Bin/Charity shop his clothes, I agree, make plans for some redecorating or a trip with the DC's at the weekend, plan a new border in your garden, anything that floats your boat. Something to look forward to and something nice that is your choice.

dizietsma Tue 16-Jun-09 17:41:02

BW it really does sound like you are experiencing panic attacks. The doc can give you drugs to help, but I would also recommend finding a counsellor or psychotherapist to help you through this tough time. Perhaps the GP can recommend one?

Here's an idea, if you're still getting credit card statements etc, you could probably track his movements from that. If you've had a really recent one it might tell you if he's left the country, or recently bought a holiday.

I would advise against dumping mail, and start looking through it for useful information in case you need evidence during the legal aspects of the split. If/when it gets to that point. I think I remember my (lawyer) stepmother mentioning that it is legal to open your husband's mail...

dizietsma Tue 16-Jun-09 17:42:56

This might be useful too Dealing with panic attacks.

Lizzylou Tue 16-Jun-09 17:48:40

Good point about tracking his movements through credit card/bank statements.

BTW I think we were all advising taking his mail to his place of work, not just dumping, I know that that is illegal smile

Would it be legal for BW to open stuff now seeing as he is AWOL?

HappyWoman Tue 16-Jun-09 17:58:24

I would open his mail.

The best thing for me is that my h first name begins with S so if the mail said Mr S XX i or course thought is said Mrs XXgrin.

I would also recommend the curling up under a duvet.

Hopefully will be back later but do have another busy night ahead myself.

peasoup Tue 16-Jun-09 19:37:07

Just joining the new thread grin

kalo12 Tue 16-Jun-09 19:40:29

Happy birthday to your DD

AbricotsSecs Tue 16-Jun-09 20:04:21

Message withdrawn

BottySpottom Tue 16-Jun-09 21:09:15

How are you doing BW? Have huge food order to put away and DC1 still to get to bed, but will call back later.

JRocks Tue 16-Jun-09 21:09:39

Hope you get some rest tonight, and Happy Birthday to your DD.

He really is a toad.

Boilerwoman Tue 16-Jun-09 21:16:22

well I was wrong because there is a card for DD2 from him. Stupidly, that makes it worse because I know he isn't in a ditch somewhere but instead he is halfway through two weeks off work with that thing. He came to see his children for approximately 7 hours on one of those days off. The rest of the time DS has been in nursery, when he could have been with his dad. I have been run ragged getting DS to nursery, DD4 to school, the others up and fed and watered and out the door and seeing to everything else and he presumably has been lying in bed til whatever time he chooses to get up.

I want to lie in bed. I want a holiday. It is so unfair and he is making me so unhappy. I don't know how I am getting up each morning and making it through another day, I really don't. I never did anything to deserve this. I only ever loved him and look at where it has got me.

JigglyPiggy Tue 16-Jun-09 21:26:08

oh BW I feel so cross on your behalf. In one sense it is good that he has remembered her birthday (I guess for her sake) but as you said 7 hours for his own children is terrible.

Can you tell if it was sent locally and what date it was sent?

Lizzylou Tue 16-Jun-09 21:30:03

BW, OK, so at least he has remembered your DD's birthday.
Really, stop expecting anything of him, he isn't the man who you married, it will be easier if you just start thinking of you and your DC.
You don't need him, you can lug a boiler and
hold down a job as well as keep a home lovely and look after your DC, you are amazing.
He is not worthy of you, not in the least.

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