i have a nearly 3 year old and a partner i live with, and it feels as if i'm always desperate for space! nobody else i know seems to crave so much! i'm finally realising that all my intimacy issues (eg gone off sex, don't really like kissing etc anymore) are tied up with the intensity of sharing living space. we only moved in together when i was pregnant, and we have - officially - our own bedrooms. but it feels like whatever room i'm in thats where everyone else wants to be! so my bedroom is full of everyone else's stuff, son's toys, partner's clothes etc. i generally prefer to sleep alone, whereas dp would like to have every night together. i tend to go to bed early just cos when i've got my eyes shut i have time to think and not be bothered. i work and he doesn't, so i rarely get time in the house to myself. although the bike ride to work is a quiet blessing. i've shut my door for a few minutes peace to write this and both have come bothered me to check i'm okay. i feel like i should be grateful but it makes me so prickly! dp complains that i blow hot and cold. he's someone who wants a lot of affection and attention. for me, even as a small child i've declared i would have my own bedroom when i got married. anyone else empathise with this?
I can't relate to wanting my own bedroom, I quite like sharing.....but....I do need my own space and that is without kids!
Can you agree that at certain times during the week you have your own time with no one to annoy you for any reason? Taking a long bath, having some time to fart about on the internet, read a book, go out on your bike etc.
It is absolutely not unreasonable to want some space to yourself, in fact, it is essential for your sanity!
I think the idea of having a room of my own is wonderful - just to sit and think and read and I do need a lot of time on my own, luckily I get it during the day. I think I would go mad without space and time to myself so you have my sympathy and understanding. My DH would hate to have separate bedrooms however. I do notice that I always sleep better alone if he is away and am fairly self-sufficient and independant. Can you agree that you can have time alone? Maybe put a 'do not disturb sign up'. Make your room a reading, studying space and get rid of all the junk.
My DP and I don't live together for a lot of reasons (long story) but one of them is that I feel exactly the same as you. If he doesn't go home to his house for at least 2 nights a week I find myself feeling suffocated and I end up withdrawing from him and getting wound up, just like you describe. I don't think I would ever want to live with a man again tbh.