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Husband being so unsupportive - I apparently managed to get pregnant all by myself!!!

(5 Posts)
Louby1983 Mon 15-Jun-09 16:06:04

Im 16 1/2 weeks along. I have a 20 month old son whom I adore & after I had him, couldnt wait to increase my brood. Hubby also wanted more but not until little man was atleast 2. Around xmas, hubby expressed a desire for us to start trying again, so we did. Then we started having serious problems in the marraige. Sex had practicaly stopped, so I didnt bother going back onto the pill as I fealt that the relationship was almost over & told hubby that if we did do the 'deed', he would have to use protection because I wasnt; otherwise there was a risk of me getting pregnant.
Anyway, long & short of it was we had unprotected sex (after quite a while of not using protection & not conceiving) & low & behold we are now expecting baby number 2 & have decided to try & give 'us' another go.
Im very happy about it because Im frightened to death of being a single mum & have no where to go ( we are locked into an interest only fixed rate mortgage that is presently in negative equity & have no savings - so we can't sell the house) & also because I absolutely love being a mum & am happy that my little one will soon have a baby brother or sister to play with & grow up with. I was shocked when I first found out because it was unexpected but far from dissappointed.
My hubby on the other hand, didnt give the same reaction.I hadnt hidden anything from him - he knew the score from the get go. He didnt ask me to have an abortion & when I suggested that option, he was against it (which was a releif on my part!) but still managed to make me feel like I had done this all by myself, like there was blame to be placed & that i was a major inconvenience. I was suffering from morning sickness up to 6 times a day,36 G very tender boobs, headaches, bad sleep, doing a 36 hour week (3 x 12 hour shifts) & looking after our toddler & the house. All he seemed to bothered about was the fact that sex was the very last thing on my mind & deemed my sickness as 'convenient' because I always seemed to be ill when he wanted sex ( never mind that I just constantly fealt bloody awful & exhausted!) If I just wanted a cuddle or to actually both go to bed at the same so that we could snuggle, it wasn't enough for him. I was trying to make him still feel loved, but just kept getting shot down in flames & in return was being made to feel unloved. He says that I only want him to make babies with & to go out to work & bring home the bacon & that it's always about 'me'. He rolls his eyes when I talk about my bump & says that its all that I ever talk about - its not, no matter what I talk about he doesnt seem interested & prefers the company of his online gaming buddies until atleast 4am every night. He only seems to interact with our toddler if I press him to do so & if I leave him in his care, he forgets or just plain cant be arsed to do simple things like nappy change & give him proper food ( not just packets of milk buttons for breakfast & crisps for dinner) so I never really get any 'me' time to just chill out. He does work an awful lot of hours & I kow that he's worried about how we are going to manage financially when baby arrives. We have already talked about this, but he just seems to want to argue, place blame & dig up stuff from the past rather than try to reach a resolve & move forward. Im actually starting to feel guilty for being pregnant.

ineedalifelaundry Mon 15-Jun-09 17:03:32

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

You say 'I'm very happy about {giving 'us' another go} because I'm frightened to death of being a single mum & have nowhere to go'

Is this really the basis of a happy relationship? Do you still love him? What caused the serious problem in your relationship just when you were ready to start ttc? Is his poor fathering a new thing or has he been like this since your DS was tiny?

dizietsma Mon 15-Jun-09 19:03:06

He's hiding from it all, isn't he? Make an appointment with Relate, before the baby turns up and everything hits the fan.

ErikaMaye Mon 15-Jun-09 20:17:56

I can't offer much advice but just wanted to offer some support. I'm sorry things are so tough right now, and I wish I could wave my wand and make him more in-tune to your needs!

I am slightly concerned about what you said about online gaming, though... Its actually quite dangerous becoming so addictive, and I think some of his behaviour is down to the fact that his social life is now revolving so much in a game world...

Louby1983 Fri 19-Jun-09 11:57:51

Firstly, im a mumsnet virgin, so can somebody please give me a quick rundown on what 'dd', 'dh', 'ttc' etc means?

He's been like this since my stepson was a baby (7 years ago), was also hapy to lumber me with baby. Have got the number for relate, so am going to give them a call.

Things have gone from bad to worse, Ive just lost my job, hes just lost his second job & it looks like we are probably going to loose the house, etc. I cant even sell my car cus the starter motor is being dodgy at the mo!

The serious problem at the start was partly to do with me questioning my feelings towards him to be honest. I love him, yes. But am happier when hes not around, though I do feel lonely.
Ive tried making friends with other mums in the area who have all said yes to coming round for a cuppa & a chat & nothing has ever materialised, so after a second attempt with them, i left it cus it was making me look like a mad stalker!

I guess I feel like I would be letting my children down if I made the decision to split?? Who am I to take their daddy away?

I really wouldnt know where to start or how to go about things either. I have no money for solicitors & all that stuff, We are married & hav a mortgage,I have no where to go & the majority of the furniture in the house is mine (its all second hand, so i cant even sell any of it)& I have nowhere to store it.

Breaking up isnt as simple as packing a bag & walking out - theres so much other stuff to take into consideration & its all that other stuff that is making me feel trapped.

Oh, & with regard to the online gaming. One of the ways of us saving money would be to have the phone & internet cut off, as we both have mobiles so the previous arent a 'necessity' - OMG! You should have heard him blow his top about that one! The guy has no grip on reality sometimes! Its just sad!

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