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He doesn't seem interested anymore

(8 Posts)
differentnameforthis Sat 13-Jun-09 03:50:21

Not sure how to start this...I am a namechanger & have been using this name to post about an unwanted pregnancy & termintaion earlier in the year.

I have an almost 1yr old dc & a school age dc. Since the baby was born dh & I have hardly been intimate. I had a section & didn't feel up to anything physical for a few months, the first time we did anything we had a condom failure (although didn't know at the time, dh certainly didn't say anything) and I became pregnant. For lots of reasons, we terminated it, mutual decision...no regrets. We are sure that we till not be adding anymore to our family & happy with the 2 we have.

I had a coil fitted at the time of termination, and ended up with an infection & had to have it out (March). While the coil was in place we only had sex twice. So in all, 3 times since dc2 was born (almost a yr ago. The last time being in January.

I am not on the pill so we are not protected (I do not want to go back on the pill, I have been on it for almost 20 years with breaks only for the 2 planned pregnancie) & he doesn't seem to care, or want to do anything to change this. I have tried to instigate the converstation several times about what to do on a more permanent level, but he just hmms & ahhs & changes the conversation.

Now, we have been doing 'other things' so the relationship isn't entirely lacking intimacy, but the last 2 times I did something to him, he faked his orgasm & spent longer than usual in the bathroom (no prizes for guessing why) I know he faked because there was no fluid, everything was dry, him, bed, me etc...(it was dark, so nothing to see).

Why is he doing this? OK...I know no one can answer this but I guess I am just sounding off while trying to find the right time to bring it up.

He seems so reluctant to be with me physically, which I can understand withy regards to the unwanted pregnancy, but why fake it when there is nothing to worry about?

howtotellmum Sat 13-Jun-09 09:21:33

Sad...you were posting at 3.50am!!!

Suppose the big question is, has your sex life hit the buffers only since the termination?
If so, it sounds as if he has a psycho-sexual issue- maybe guilt or fear of pregnancy.

The biggest issue to me is your inability to communciate with him; surely when he faked it, you wanted to talk about it there and then? If we are talking BJs, then it would be very obvious that he had not ejaculated!!

why is it so hard for you to ask him about all of this? It seems that verbal communication is missing from your relationship.

RumourOfAHurricane Sat 13-Jun-09 11:49:59

Message withdrawn

differentnameforthis Sat 13-Jun-09 12:05:51

Thanks for the replies.

How - I'm not in the UK & it was early here, but not that early..wink

I know I need to talk to him, but based on past experience (and recent experience of needing to talk about possible sterilization for either of us) I am just met with a wall of umms & ahhs & changing sujects.

I suppose it is just since the termination this time, we have been here before. 7 odd years ago. Once during a BJ he got up & walked away. I did ask him about that a couple of days later & he said he was bored.

So yes, past experience puts me off.

SilkyDemon Sat 13-Jun-09 12:55:44

Sorry? He got up halfway through a BJ claiming later that he was "bored"? Blimey, that's really bad manners imvho.

howtotellmum Sat 13-Jun-09 13:30:12

sounds very much as if he is in denial about something- but what?

Does he have any issues with his performance in any way?

I'm a great believer in life changing events - such as the termination- bringing out problems that have always been there, but maybe buried under the carpet.

Are you 100% sure he is heterosexual? Has sex ever been really good?

differentnameforthis Sat 13-Jun-09 14:48:10

Never had any doubt over his sexuality...sex, while not mindblowing always (usually) good. Never an adventurous lover, but knew what was needed, if that makes sense.

Dropped off after dc1, but not to desparate standards. We have had 'stale' patches but always managed to come thru them. Nothing that I woulnd't expect after a 20 yr relationship!

Not had a problem with performance either....unless drunk, of course!

I can't think of anything that could be underlying either.

differentnameforthis Sat 13-Jun-09 14:49:12

Silky, very bad manners & very hurtful!

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