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Please help.... 4 months pregnant and split with BF again.

(9 Posts)
yummymummytobe Fri 12-Jun-09 12:29:11

Can any of you help with this? I am 4 months pregnant and had a really bad time with BF over pregnancy. He keeps changing his mind about me and the baby and I have been deeply hurt by it all. Now I just want to get on with my life, but finding it hard to move on as still really love him. Anyone have any tips on how to fall out of love? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OptimistS Fri 12-Jun-09 12:50:14

Oh you poor thing. sad Getting over rejection is hard at thebest of times, but to do so with all those hormones raging around in you makes it even harder. I really feel for you and am sending you a great big virtual hug.

You've taken the first step by posting on here, as that shows you have accepted that it's over. It takes time to fall out of love but you can make it happen more quickly by looking at all the things that were wrong in the relationship and why things can be so much more positive without that. Instead of seeing yourself as let down and alone, try seeing yourself as a brave new mum taking on the world on her own on her own terms. Feel proud of yourself for doing this by yourself and remind yourself that your x is the one who is missing out.

How many friends/relatives do you have near you? Don't be afraid to talk the hind legs off them. If they love you they will listen, I promise. As a lone parent I found that help was a lot more willingly given than I was willing to ask for it (if that makes sense). Most people really are decent and like to help.

DO NOT waste time thinking about what your x wants and what if he asks you to get back together. Assume it is over for good. If he does come back, the onus is on him to make the hugest effort ever in the history of mankind to make you want to take the risk of being with him again.
You deserve better quite frankly. We can't help who we fall in love with and if your X doesn't want to eb with you that's his right. However, unless you took his sperm at gunpoint, it took 2 of you to make this baby, so he doesn't get a choice of 'changing his mind' about the baby. Baby is on way. A real man would step up and accept the challenge of fatherhood, regardless of his relationship (or not) with the mother. Keep telling yourself that every time you have a weak moment and remind yourself that by breaking up you have probably saved yourself (and your baby) a lifetime of disappointment and being let down every time the going got tough.

Good luck. Honestly, being a single parent can be great. I really enjoy it! smile

yummymummytobe Fri 12-Jun-09 16:17:33

Thanks OptimistS, some good advice there.

I do have close friends and family, but I feel I have worn them out, as they have already done so much for me already. This rollercoaster has been going on for a while, sometimes I feel like a scratched record, repeating myself and also blaming myself for being so vulnerable and allowing him to come back, only to leave again the next day. I was just sick of all the fighting and was desperate to know where I stood for me and the baby.

You're right though, pregnancy hormones have made it so much harder. We've had relationship problems before, but I always managed to get strong. It's like the hormones stop me from being strong because i'm just too emotional with it all.

He is a control freak and doesn't know how to compromise, so is willing to walk away from his child rather than compromise with me over access/maintenance arrangements. It breaks my heart, I want the best for my baby and he don't think he's up to it, he's too selfish.

Thanks for replying to me, and it is very nice to hear people saying they enjoy being single parents, doesn't sound so daunting then.

poshsinglemum Fri 12-Jun-09 18:13:44

This happened to me when I was pregnant- it's dreadful isn't it. If you were pregnant you would probably told him to fuck off by now but because he's the daddy you obviosly want him to come round and look after you both.
I still sometimes dream of my ex coming to join our family. If I were you I would assume that you will be on your own and if he does come round it will be a bonus. Please be strong and believe you will do a great job even if he isn't involved. But I know it does hurt when you are rejected when pregnant as you need the one you love more than ever at that time. If he does bugger off completely then believe it- he isn't worth it.

poshsinglemum Fri 12-Jun-09 18:14:16

Oh yes- I LOVE being a single mum! It's great!

poshsinglemum Fri 12-Jun-09 18:33:42

you don't want a man who can't compromise- it wouldn't be fun at all. best off being out of it than with a control freak.
Just keep thinking if you bring up a baby on your own you can do things your way. You can make all of teh decisiona and you will feel so proud of your achievements. Everything that your wonderful dd or ds does will be down to you.
My friends and family have been wonderful.
Hope that you feel better soon and I hope that you enjoy your baby. Hugs.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 12-Jun-09 22:07:58

Message withdrawn

yummymummytobe Sat 13-Jun-09 13:30:52

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I just don't want to be hung up on him anymore. I want to focus only on me and the baby, but sometimes feel as though i'm not in control of my own mind.

Hope it gets better with time.

RumourOfAHurricane Sat 13-Jun-09 13:48:09

Message withdrawn

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