Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Relationships

Don't feel "emotionally " comfortable being close to dh

27 replies

togoornot · 11/06/2009 21:55

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

mrsboogie · 11/06/2009 21:56

Why in hell are you even bothering?

Report

togoornot · 11/06/2009 21:58

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

mrsboogie · 11/06/2009 22:02

well, are you having any counselling or anything? doesn't sound like its working between you...

Report

togoornot · 11/06/2009 22:03

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

mrsboogie · 11/06/2009 22:07

time to cut your losses maybe?

Report

togoornot · 11/06/2009 22:16

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

mrsboogie · 11/06/2009 22:17

I'm not surprised - but if you can't get past it maybe there's no alternative but to split?

Report

togoornot · 11/06/2009 22:19

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

skramble · 11/06/2009 22:24

So he injured you 6 years ago and physically agressive again 2 years ago. What else inbetween, what happens next time?

Report

AnyFucker · 11/06/2009 22:36

go

your relationship is obviously dead

Report

GypsyMoth · 11/06/2009 22:38

what injury?

Report

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 11/06/2009 22:39

have you posted about this before?

Report

sayithowitis · 11/06/2009 22:42

my very cynical mind is screaming littlemucky/mymittens etc etc!
Sorry if you're not her, but this is so like her style1

Report

mrsboogie · 11/06/2009 22:43

oh lord, not again

Report

AnyFucker · 11/06/2009 22:44

pillock poster ??

feck it

Report

GypsyMoth · 11/06/2009 22:46

How boring!

Report

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 11/06/2009 22:51

aw come on, dont be too hasty....

op, have you posted about relationship probs before??

Report

togoornot · 12/06/2009 09:32

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

togoornot · 12/06/2009 21:23

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

togoornot · 13/06/2009 09:23

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/06/2009 11:35

i think maybe the reason there's not lots of replies on here is that only you can decide something as important as this... and you haven't given lots of information / said much about your feelings for anyone to have a lot to go on....

it's simple really in the sense that you can stay / leave / both go to counselling to try and improve things in your relationship / go to counselling on your own to sort out your feelings and make some decisions...

good luck.

Report

togoornot · 13/06/2009 13:17

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Email address

You've subscribed!

howtotellmum · 13/06/2009 14:05

Which other man- or do you mean men b4 you met DH?

There seem to be 2 issues here- should you stay with an aggressive DH or leave to be with the OM? (??)

I would have thought that a marriage to a once- violent man (still violent?) was a lot worse than losing your home - you can at least rebuild a home on your own with your DC.

This is about forgiveness- can you in your heart forgive him for what he did- is he sorry and are you able to move on?

If he has overstepped a mark, albeit 6 years ago now, and you cannot start over, then maybe you have to leave.

From what you say though the issue is being muddled because you seem to be thinking there is a chance of another relationship with another man?

Report

sayithowitis · 13/06/2009 14:39

The Op said that her injury resulted from DH retaliation for her hitting him. She has not indicated whether the injury was caused deliberately or accidentally. There is a big difference IMO. If deliberate, then there is real cause for concern. If accidental, I would feel more able to forgive and move on. However, either way, she needs to accept that she played a part herself, because the info she has given us, infers that whether deliberate or accidental, her injury would not have happened had she not hit her DH first. Or are we saying that she is allowed to hit him but he is not allowed to hit back? (I know that ideally he would not have hit back, but in the heat of the moment, we all do things we know we shouldn't)

If she feels she cannot stay with this man, for whatever reason, she owes it to all of them, to move on from the relationship. If I felt this bad about a relationship and felt that Dh and I could not do anything to make it work, I would have to end it, regardless of what would happen to my lovely home. My emotional well-being and that of my DC, would certainly be a much higher priority for me that the loveliness or otherwise of my home.

Report

Sarasue · 13/06/2009 14:53

Sounds like you love him, but just don't trust him not to hurt you again, You should not stay in a relasionship that doesn't make you happy not even for the sake of children. They will and do pick up on things. My mum and dad really didn't like each other and eventually split up. They were really good parents once they were separated. Both happy, loving and attentive to me and my brother. Your not happy, he's probably not happy, go and be happy with other people.