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Getting back together, your thoughts and musings.

(13 Posts)
krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 12:34:24

Bit of a name change as there are a few to many identifying details.

DP split up with me in April after a year together (not living together), it was getting to the commitment bit and he had other problems at work and needed time to himself etc.

After a few weeks I agreed to get together for a chat to see about gettng back to gether as he said he realised he had been stupid and did want to make a go of it. Fair enough, I was ready to give it a try as no other woman had been involved.

Then he told me that when we split up he had booked on to a holiday that some freinds are going on. I was a bit taken a back and thought it was terrible timing, that I would love to go away etc. He saw my reaction and said he was going anyway and it was a risk he was willing to take.

Thing is, once I had a chance to digest the fact he was buggering off for 10 days I was Ok about that as I would love to get away with my freinds for a break but kids and money mean I can't, I know he could do with a break from work and all that.

But what I can't deal with is the fact that he was going to go whatever I said and was willing to risk not getting back with me to go anyway. Where I think he should have risked not going on holiday to make sure he could get back with me. I just keep think ing he doesn't love me enough to put this holiday in front of me.

Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face?

OptimistS Thu 11-Jun-09 13:48:05

Taking what you've said completely at face value, I would say let him go and look for someone else.

Sounds like he does genuinely want to be with you, but the commitment problem and the holiday scenario are strongly suggestive of the fact that you are not going to ever figure at the top of his list of priorities. And if it's like that now, while you should still really be in the honeymoon period, it's not going to get better IMO.


DrunkenDaisy Thu 11-Jun-09 14:01:37

I agree. Leave it and find someone who adores you.

Doha Thu 11-Jun-09 18:31:46

Krumble--he is willling to risk loosing you so that he can go on holiday shock.

What else is he going to do and be willing to take the risk of loosing you?

I think you deserve better than that. Let him have his holiday and let him discover if he thought the risk had been worth it.

Move on and find someone who is willing to put you first.

AnyFucker Thu 11-Jun-09 19:44:59

erm, look at this way......

are you willing to lose him for the sake of him going on a holiday?

think about it......

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 20:31:36

Thats the thing anyf*%ker I am don't want to lose hime for the sake of a stupid holiday. But!!! I am willing to lose him if he thinks its Ok to risk our relationship for it.

I would have wished him a great holiday and driven him to the airport if he hadn't said "it's a risk I am willing to take and I am going anyway".

If he had turned up on my doorstep and said he wasn't going so he could try to make a go of it with me I would have taken him to the airport. If he had just said look baby I know its really bad timing what with us trying to get things back on track, would you rather I didn't go I would have told him to go.

Thing is he didn't.

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 20:33:16

He only paid for his flights so it wasn't a fortune we were talking about anyway.

I would never have said don't go, I would love a holiday with my pals.

AnyFucker Thu 11-Jun-09 20:45:35

but krumble, he isn't a mindreader is he ?

and your convoluted, "well, if he said he wan't going I would take him to the airport" and expectation that he has to second-guess you could be construed as manipulative and controlling on your part

do you want him back or not ?

forget the holiday

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 21:47:41

I suppose that is one way to look at it.

But I would want to be with him regardless of him going away.

He was going on holiday regardless of I thought or felt.

He thought I wouldn't be happy as his previous girlfreinds would have went mental. So he said fuck it I am going anyway.

Its not about the holiday, its about the disregard for my feelings and the fact he was prepared to lose me for this dam holiday.

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 21:49:49

maybe after him dumping me already I need to feel wanted and that he loves me, not to feel second place to 10 days in fecking magaluf.

AnyFucker Thu 11-Jun-09 22:51:11

but if he booked it whilst you were apart why should he cancel it?

if that makes you feel 2nd place, perhaps you are very needy of him and the relationship is not going to work out anyway?

I am not getting at you honestly, just trying to present a viewpoint that is not all about you

he has a holiday planned, if you loved him, why would you deprive him of it?

unless you think he is going to fuck around whilst he is there?

I would think in that case, he would keep you at arms length until he got back and then suggest getting back together

I think you are jealous of his ability to go away with mates, as you have mentioned more than once you are not in a position to do so

think about it...

<< thinks krumble must hate me by now >>

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 23:03:35

Message withdrawn

krumble Thu 11-Jun-09 23:05:03

Feck last line unrelated

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