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advice for a friend on infidelity bit stuck...........

(8 Posts)
wannabe10 Wed 10-Jun-09 20:33:20

Wondered if I could have some advice for a friend please.
Her Dh had an affair with a 'friend' of her's and was caught. The problem was he has repeated it again with the same woman four times in the last year!!! I want to be an objective friend and not judgey but I don't know what else to say apart from 'get rid'. He is not an unlikeable bloke just seems to be in love with two woman both who I know. Any advice for her would be great. She is the product of a poor upbringing and family is everything but really?........Is it worth it?

thisisyesterday Wed 10-Jun-09 20:37:15

my advice?
she can either turn a blind eye and live with him seeing this other woman.

or she can get rid.

it doesn't sound like he is going to change, so she needs to decide what she wants to do about it

GrapefruitMoon Wed 10-Jun-09 20:37:16

Do you think her upbringing has affected her self-esteem and that is why she hasn't kicked him out? He ought to grow a pair and make up his mind. I don't think you'll find many people here who would say give him another chance though....

wannabe10 Wed 10-Jun-09 20:44:15

I think she probably would turn a blind eye but its so ' on her doorstep' if you get what I mean.
She is the product of a really awful upbringing eg nasty divorce and its no secret so is the ow. Tbh I think they both have a warped sense of happiness. I just don't want to be gung ho with her as she needs support and friends and it looks like she will for a while. She hides things now though and I guess its because she is ashamed and worries what we will think..........

wannabe10 Thu 11-Jun-09 07:21:35

anyone else?

SoupDragon Thu 11-Jun-09 07:31:16

Have they (her and her H) made any effort to look at the reasons behind his infidelity? ie are they having other problems or is he simply a twat?

BennyAndJoon Thu 11-Jun-09 07:37:28

Firstly, can you let her know that it isn't anything for her to be ashamed of. He is the one who is behaving badly here.

I would ask her how she sees the situation in 6 months, a year, 5 years. Does she want to be living with this situation long term?

Make it clear that you won't think any less of her what ever she decides to do. And try to make her see that her happiness is important, more important than just maintaining the status quo?

wannabe10 Thu 11-Jun-09 12:37:01

Honestly to the outside work they seem happy. He works away all week but is home the weekends. They have an affluent lifestyle.
He just seems obsessed with this ow. He is a quiet bloke yet texts and emails her all the time and I know that hurts my friend a lot. The second time I know she found over a thousand texts in three weeks.
I really don't judge. We all experience things and I have tried not to judge either of them. I don't think being preachy is the right thing as she needs to feel supported.

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