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My boyfriend is like a stray cat...

(7 Posts)
SevernTrentWater Wed 10-Jun-09 19:46:19

What i used to love in my boyfriend was that he was an introverted, homely sort who doesn't go out drinking etc etc, i always thought he'd be a family man...nope. 5 years later and everything has changed. It's getting to the point where i want to have an affair really, really badly, i don't want to throw my boyfriend out, because i don't want to be totally on my own! But i'm really even sick of seeing things that belong to him, i feel used, i feel trapped by my emotions. In fact, having my boyfriend back to normal would be great, but i think when the baby arrives it will only be worse.
I'm pregnant, boyfriend doesn't want it, he's going to 'see how he copes' when it arrives. But i hardly see him now, i go to work really early, come back at 5.30 ish, he doesn't get back until about 7.30 because he works whatever hours he wants and can't be bothered to get up until about 11 in the morning, when he does get back he often goes round his friends house for hours playing video games, maybe pick us up some food (for me to cook) from the supermarket at times too late for me to want to eat anything, doesn't matter if i'm ill or whatever. If i make a fuss he rings me and apologises in this 'little boy' voice but he'll still go, but then a few days later accuse me of 'trying to steal his independance' if i don't just smile. Never used to be like this, just three months ago he used to come home about 5.30 and we'd have long conversations and i was just so so happy and he said he was very content (we've been together years). But since he went to his friends for some 'respite' with the unplanned pregnancy, he's found a kindred spirit it seems and they would rather spend time together playing games and talking about geeky things. Yes i'm jealous, should i not be? He was my best friend! Add to that, i work all day, and i'm expected to cook, to clean, and sort out all the bills etc. At the weekends all he does is ride his bikes, if we go out for a nice walk together he'll enjoy it but say 'oh, what great weather, i should be on the bike'. He goes away for weekends racing all the time, four nights at a go (like right after i found out i was pregnant and was in shock). When i ask him why he is so unempathic he says he's probably autistic or something, ha, what an excuse. I want to throw him out, i want to cheat, i just want him normal! Ack! I'm so upset about all this. Am I overreacting? How can i encourage this straying cat back to my home? Or should i give up trying and be a single mother? I've tried playing betty crocker but it's just not me, why should I? My one consolation is that in two years we'll have to move away anyway...no more friend around, and a proper job for him (he's studying an advanced degree). But will we make it together that far? lol. I can't believe i'm bringing a child into this. Two years is a long time and a lot of stress to manage a job, a house, a part time degree, and a baby and my constant nagging irritation at his childish behaviour. Suggestions?

HappyWoman Wed 10-Jun-09 19:55:50

do not cheat on him - you say you dont want to be alone but believe me if you cheat you will feel so very lonely.

When he finds out and kicks you out and he tells everyone what you have done you will be even more alone.

SevernTrentWater Wed 10-Jun-09 21:51:40

i didn't mean i was really going to cheat, i was merely explaining that he's really pissing me off. Besides, i asked him if he'd care and he said no, sex doesn't mean anything to him. Hm, 10.00pm and he's still not home...

NeedaNewName Wed 10-Jun-09 21:56:01

Hes scared!

Not really a good excuse, but my guess is he's scared shitless and this is his way of getting it out his sytem. Dont worry I realise you're probably scared too but your not acting like a childish twat so why should he.

Unfortunately you hear about it quite a lot. All I can suggest is make your own dinner if he wants his when he comes in fine, but dont wait for him to come home with what he wants.

Hopefully he'll soon realsie what a prick hes been and start being a bit more suportive.

Ronaldinhio Wed 10-Jun-09 21:57:26

get rid of him he sounds a complete twat

Noonki Wed 10-Jun-09 22:10:45

how old is he?

poshsinglemum Fri 12-Jun-09 21:27:10

My boyfriend was scared like this when I was pregnant. Mabe just assume that you will be on your own but if he comes round (and he probably will) then it's a bonus. The downside is that you will resent his behaviour for a long time but men are a bit didums and get scared easy. It's crap I know.
If you think you can go it alone- why not? It might be easier in teh long run.

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