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Has anyone ever reported their partner to the police for abuse?

(5 Posts)
BarackObamasBigEars Wed 10-Jun-09 15:11:13

A friend of mine is considering taking this step and so I'm trying to find out if anyone knows what the process is like. I've namechanged as some people on MN know me personally, and I want to avoid any possibility of anyone tracing this back to my friend.

She's been married for 3 years (no kids) and recently told me about her husband's behaviour - it's sexual abuse, not physical. She is still with him (he travels a lot so she is often home alone) but considering her options. At the moment she's not sure whether to just cut free and divorce, or whether she ought to report him to the police, with the hope of him being less likely to treat other women that way in future.

My concern is that the police route will make it an even longer, heavier and more stressful process, with a lot of things being taken out of her hands. I think it will increase the trauma, with no guarantee of a successul outcome.

At the same time obviously it would be great to be able to do something to protect his future partners.

So what exactly happens when you get the police/ lawyers involved in these situations? What got you through it (or didn't sad)?

cestlavielife Wed 10-Jun-09 15:50:08

she should speak to womens aid in first instance for advice, they will tell her what would happen if she reports to police. but i dont understand why she cannot do both at same time - report to police AND divorce?

she should also see a counsellor to talk thru her options and decide what is best for her. but if she is being abused she should cut free immediately - worry about other women later.

if she goes to speak to domestic violence unit then it would go on record that she has spoken to them but they would explain what would happen next if she wanted to take it further, make a charge. ie.e going to talk to police doesnt automatically mean a court case or them charging him with anything .

puzzled tho how sexual abuse would not be at all physical - but maybe i am missing something obvious?

BarackObamasBigEars Wed 10-Jun-09 16:00:01

Thanks cestlavielife. She has been in touch with Women's Aid, not sure how far the discussions have gone with regard to them advising her on the process.

The dilemma is whether she should just divorce him and save herself, or whether she should divorce and prosecute, in order to protect future women - she's not sure whether she feels able to put herself through the process of prosecution.

Good advice re worrying about other women later, I agree - she's been through hell and should not take on the responsibility of other women's lives right now.

I did wonder how it would be interpreted when I said 'not physical' - what I meant is that he's not been beating her up, but has sexually abused her. I was in a hurry and couldn't find a better way to phrase it. Hope that's clearer now.

juicychops Wed 10-Jun-09 16:57:49

i reported my ex for rape and other physical abuse but not until i had split up from him so it was 2 years after the last incident.

police took a statement at my house then i had to go to the police station to do a proper statement which took 4 hours. he was invited to hand himself in which he did and he was then arrested at the police station and questioned.

the investigation went on for a few months while they gavered evidence from hospital etc but there wasn't enough evidence to convict him and he wouldn't plead guilty so he got off with it.

even though it was years later it was still very stressful and worrying and after he was initially arested i was constantly terrified of what he or his family would do to me even though they knew if they do the police would be involved straight away.

he also had a assult charge against his name at that time from his girlfriend at the time as he beat her up supposedly, but that still didn't change anything for my case.

Sago Sun 14-Jun-09 09:16:34

no personal experience to share but this is what the police should be doing

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