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is it me or my friends?

(5 Posts)
sd33 Sun 07-Jun-09 21:14:34

when my daughter was 4 months old i attended baby massage where i started for form friendships with 2 mums. we all went to toddlers together once a week. at 6 months i had to return to work, my friends dont have to work and spend every day together and doing lots of lovely things but it never bothered me, they have both now has their 2nd child each. our 1st children are all now 2 years 7 months. and for the last 6 months i seemed to have spent a lot more time with them until the last month. i felt i had got 2 lovely friends, one more so that the other. but the children all played lovely together, we would all do lunch in turns on my days off etc. i went on holiday with one of them and our familys.
the last month has been awful. i invited them round for lunch and play afternoon, they stayed hour and half max and both made excuse to go. they dont invite us to anything anymore and none of them every phone anymore. they are stil arranging things together but i find it is bothering me now, i feel sorry for my daughter and feeling a bit lonely, i do have other friends but i did enjoy their company and so did my daughter. there had not been any arguments or bad words as far as i know, but its like they have just cut me and my family out of their lives.
i am 61/2 months pregnant and do have emotional days these are mainly when i am not at work as i seem to let them bother me thinking of the things we used to do together,the days at work i dont think about them. but it is getting me down. its been like this for 4 or so weeks now and i dont feel i can talk to them as they are so 'clicky'. i feel like three is a crowd.
it never bothered me before but since i have spent time with them it does bother me now.
they are continuing to do things every day and today they went shopping to the city together - no invite. i didn;t atttend the toddler group this week 1st time ever with out letting them know, not one of them called me or text to see if everything was ok or where we were. its really upsetting me.
I have other friends but i liked being with these 2.
is it me and my hornones or is it them?
my feels at present are to forget them and move on but the children are my dd friends to and i know she misses them.

traceybath Sun 07-Jun-09 21:21:25

I'd be tempted to phone the one you are most friendly with and ask her if everythings ok or has something happened/been said to upset her as you're feeling a bit like you've done something wrong.

It may be that one of them is having some type of trauma that you don't know about.

Hopefully its just a bit of a misunderstanding but i'd definitely try and clear it up a bit.

However my experience is that 3 is often a tricksy number when it comes to friendships and one person does quite often get left out.

mrsboogie Sun 07-Jun-09 22:28:04

Three is a very tricksy number with women. I don't know what it is but when you get three female friends together this seems to happen. I think the most insecure one tries to annex one friend off and keep her to herself before it happens to her (if that makes sense).

You will probably find that after a while they get sick of each other and one of them will come running back to you.It sounds like teenagers doesn't it? But that's how some people see to behave.

I am sorry you have been let down but if you are having another baby soon you will have a chance to meet some new friends. Just don't get into a threesome!

junglist1 Mon 08-Jun-09 11:41:09

It's them, and it's not nice. Develop your other friendships, make new ones, now you're not tied up with these 2. If they ask just tell them they'd stopped inviting you to things so you moved on, don't let one come crawling back if they get bored. I don't understand women that do this!

BerwickBarbara Mon 08-Jun-09 11:50:41

I really feel for you. This sort of thing happened to me at school and it badly affected my self-confidence. After a lot of therapy, I am confident to tell you this: It is THEM, not you!
Mrs Boogie is right when she says it is about low self-esteem - it's a form of social bullying. I know it is hard when you have invested in these friendships, but if your attempt at smoothing things out doesn't work, I would try really hard to form other networks (perhaps new mums) and gradually forget about the others. But it is not you. Not you!

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