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does anybody else's dh never say "thank you" ?

(5 Posts)
mummygirl Sun 07-Jun-09 19:51:27

I know that he appreciates everything I do and we both work very hard, but I always say thank you for the tiniest thing and he never does, even when I put extra effort in order to make something "special".

Even my three-year-old, when I give her her clean clothes to put in her drawers she says soemthing along the lines of "oh, these clothes smell so good, thank you for my clean clothes mummy", or "thank you for my yummy dinner".

I feel that I'm pathetic to expect him to say something, anything, because I've done something as simple as making dinner or bathed the kids, but I find it very hard being a sahm and although it's temporary it's eating me alive.

is it so difficult for men to say thank you? do i expect too much?

mariemarie Sun 07-Jun-09 20:58:14

No, you are not expecting too much. A thank you is not difficult to say and it means so much when you have put the effort into doing something.

My DH very rarely says thank you for the meals I cook or any of the other household chores that I do. And whilst I dont want to turn this into a debate about SAHM/WOHM I do think that when you are a SAHM then many men just kind of expect things such as meals, housework etc to be done as its your "job" whilst you are sat at home doing nothing all day. Obviously, you are not sat doing nothing all day (I too am a SAHM). But I think many husbands have this opinion deep down.

I once had a discussion with my DH about this and his response was to point out that I never thanked him for getting up at 5am to go to work, or to thank him for cleaning the car at the weekends or cutting the grass.

He was totally right of course.

mummygirl Sun 07-Jun-09 21:26:46

thank you,
this makes me feel a lot better, I thought I was a weirdo.

The thing that my dh does an awful lot around the house and with the children on top of his job. But I feel his behaviour as indifference.

He doesn't understand that he goes to work and there there's a reflection of his hard work, he might get a promotion, a raise, a praise. All I want is a recognition of everything I do.

If I thank him for doing the dishes or changing a nappy or hoovering he says: "what are you thanking me for, it's not like it's your job". So maybe that's just who he is, but I don't see what's wrong with good manners withing the family. I don't thank him because I feel it's my job, but because he's doing something for all of us, what's wrong with that?

Now, i don't mean I want to be constantly thanked for everything I do, but last night I stayed up until 2 am to make him his favourite desert, tonight he ate it and said nothing :-(

Miamla Sun 07-Jun-09 21:37:16

my ex-bf never said thank you, this is one of the reasons he's an ex. DP thanks me every time i put a plate in front of him or if i make him a cup of tea or if i iron a shirt etc etc so no, you're not expecting too much for a man to thank you but you are possibly expecting too much to expect him to change

sounds to me like you need to tell DH that's its upsetting you

oh, and i'm a sahm atm but that's not really relevant because the 'thank yous' haven't changed, he's always thanked me. we are currently having issues with the pil because they don't thank us for a single meal (or anything else for that matter) when they stay with us for a weekend but that, as they say, is another story!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 07-Jun-09 21:47:46

He is being rude, manners cost nothing and I would tell him as much. Its showing a lack of overall regard and is disrespectful towards you.

Your three year old has better manners than he does. He should be ashamed.

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