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The One that Got Away

(18 Posts)
hadadreamlastnight Sun 07-Jun-09 19:45:36

I just need to talk about this for a minute, and can't talk to anyone in RL.

Do most people have a One that Got Away?

I met M through work a few years ago. We worked together quite closely on a piece of work for about 18 months. I can honestly say that I have never completely clicked with someone the way I did with him. It wasn't a romantic or flirty thing, especially to start with. We just really really clicked. It was actually incredible.

We became quite close friends and that's all I wanted, anything else didn't occur to me. I just knew he was really special and the connection between us was special and I wanted him to stay in my life.

It became clear that he also felt strongly about me, and as the project came to an end we got closer and closer. I know he felt a bit more and by the end I was starting to feel a bit romantically towards him as well.

Nothing ever happened, at all. We haven't seen each other since, although have been on and off in touch occasionally. Our lives are completely different. I have one DC and another on the way. He was only 22 when I first met him, and nowhere near the same stage in life as me. I'm very happy with my DH, we have a great life, and there are no regrets.

It's really just that I wonder. It would never have worked with M, timing and all sorts of things completely wrong. But the connection was so strong and based on all the right things, not the normal stuff that a workplace flirtation or affair is based on (I know). We were great friends first and had a real basis for a strong relationship. It could just never happen.

I'm not especially sad about it, as I say I'm very happy as I am. I don't even think about him very often. It's just I am very sure that if things had been different, M and I would have had something really amazing.

I had quite a vivid dream about him last night which has just got me thinking about it.

I don't need anyone to reply necessarily, I just needed to tell someone!

ginnny Sun 07-Jun-09 19:51:42

I have one of those too. He was older than me and had already had dc from a past relationship and had been very hurt by his ex and screwed up by his childhood. I was in my 20's and at the point where I just wanted to settle down and have kids so after a very intense fling we drifted apart because we wanted different things.
I don't think I've ever felt as strongly for anyone since, and when I split with my dc's dad I used to fantasise about what would happen if we met up again, but I think its best left to the imagination now.

Ithoughtso Sun 07-Jun-09 20:27:28

A regular name-changer here.
I really thought "the one" was the boy I went out with all through school/6th form. We had all our 1sts together which of course made him special. I broke it off before we went off to university. His moods were becoming more frequent and I also thought I would regret not playing the field.
I did play the field, occasionally saw him when I went home and the old mates met in the pub. My heart always lurched when I saw him.
Then I never saw him for about 20 years, I got married, very happily been with dh for 15 years, we have 3 children...yet I often thought of my 1st love and wondered about him, if I should have stayed with him etc etc.
I saw him about a year ago. 1st time of any contact in 20 years. It was lovely to see him, to hear about his life, to reminisce etc etc...
BUT my heart did not lurch, I didn't feel attracted to him, I was just pleased to see an old mate.
For me, the ghost has been laid to rest finally. We're still in contact, I give him dating advice grin and we just natter.
Dh knows about our past. He was a very significant part of my life, of my formative years, and we can acknowledge that togther.

I'm not sure if that is helpful but it is just another experience.
All the best to you smile

ninah Sun 07-Jun-09 20:28:23

they all got away grin

hadadreamlastnight Sun 07-Jun-09 20:31:41

rofl at ninah grin

thanks all.

I think it actually helps that there's no way it could have worked, because of the difference in our ages and where we were in life when we met. It means there's nothing to regret, iyswim? No decisions I've made to question, or anything like that.

But there is a bit of me that knows it would have been amazing, and thinks it's a shame not to have that experience.

screamingabdab Sun 07-Jun-09 20:36:00

I know what you are talking about. I really clicked with someone at University. We were really good friends, had such a laugh together. I would have said that I loved him. In my case, however, I never felt romantic towards him, but it later emerged he did towards me. Maybe this is what went on here with your work friend

Or maybe not, but the way I try and see things is that if something were meant to happen with this guy then it would have.

This probably not what you wanted to hear ....

hadadreamlastnight Sun 07-Jun-09 20:43:09

Oh I agree, screamingabdab. If we'd been 'meant to be' we would have met at a different time and I would have been a good 5 years younger as well grin

I know it wasn't meant to be. I also know I could have done something about it at the time, had a fling or whatever. I chose not to because apart from being wrong for all the normal obvious reasons, it also seemed that as I was sure it would have been so special had it ever been possible to do it properly, then anything less than 'properly' for that relationship wouldn't be right and would be undervaluing what it could have been.

Better to leave it as a really special connection that couldn't go any further.

walkinthewoods Sun 07-Jun-09 20:58:41

Well a differnt kind of connection for me actually, which I still feel guilty about and have been thinking about recntly as he e-mailed me a short while ago. I thought I had laid the ghost to rest years ago.

We had a VERY intense sexual thing going, whcih wasn't a conventional relationship (NO_ONE but no-one has had that ability to just touch me on the arm and ZING). I was pretty cool with it until he said 'Has it ever occured to you that I have fallen in love with you' That's where it all went terribly wrong. He then started treating me like shit and I was hooked on this 'special' thing (It was like a bloody drug.) He then started seeing someone else and blamed it on me as I had been 'cool' to start off with.

Actually even today I felt like e-mailing him and asking if he really meant he loved me or he was just fucking around. I think that knowing this would maybe put a ghost to rest?

To put it into context, he's an absolute shit who told me that he thought two timing was exciting (obviously after all the crap). So he's one I KNOW I'm glad got away, because if he hadn't then my life would have been a misery. I have now been with my fantastic, gorgeous, loving, loyal and treasured dp for 10 years and we have 2 dc's.

Not quite the same but in the same vein (unrequieted love)

walkinthewoods Sun 07-Jun-09 20:59:59

Oh yes and the day after he e-mailed me I had the most INTENSE sexual dream about him and it REALLY fucking annoyed me.

walkinthewoods Sun 07-Jun-09 21:02:44

Oh and keep remembering things now. He used to write to me for ages after we 'split'. One phrase was 'Do you still dream, I do' The shit

walkinthewoods Sun 07-Jun-09 21:08:42

It has got me going actually....I had counselling over that shit.

ginnny Sun 07-Jun-09 21:20:59

watw BREATHE grin!!!!
You had a lucky escape - he sounds as bad as my first 'love' yuk! Although I was only 16 and very very stupid naive!

walkinthewoods Sun 07-Jun-09 21:30:43

Well I was a bit older than that....25? hmm but was sensible beofre and after that! It was just that he got me right 'there'. Bastard

Chocolatepenny Sun 07-Jun-09 21:40:40

Yes I had one, my motorcycle teacher at the time turned into my BF for a while and his best friend he used to give he rides home on his bike and make me tea (beans on toast) while I got ready for work, I thought he was a great friend but a couple of years later it hit me, my god I fancied him! and he must have liked me but did nothing out of respect for his friend (my horrid ex!) Joe I still love you my dear!.

skihorse Mon 08-Jun-09 15:34:35

Yes. Bizarrely he got in touch about 10 days ago and I put him straight right away with the current status in my life and how I had no intention of cheating on my current partner. One of the reasons we fell apart in the first place was because he believed I was texting/emailing other men. hmm

Needless to say over a period of merely 10 days he's gone from sweet to dirty to just plain fucking rude and a total dick.

I still believe that him and I are a fantastic team, but he's got a lot of growing up to do (he's 23 now and has been in the forces since 16 - so somewhat closeted!). I don't know... maybe there's room for us in the future - not in the sense of an affair, but there are no guarantees in life that your relationship will be "forever" - but right now he can't offer me what my darling OH can!

pleasehelpconfused Mon 08-Jun-09 15:36:50


SolidGoldBrass Mon 08-Jun-09 15:43:05

OP: ways of relating to people other than sexual/romantic are valid, you know. It sounds like you and this chap were friends and that's a valuable thing to have.

magnummum Mon 08-Jun-09 18:58:03

Not sure if this counts but he got away (and was away for a few years) and now we're married with 3 DCs smile

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