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Very sad now!

(182 Posts)
ChgdnoM Sun 07-Jun-09 07:33:41

I made the decision to stay with my husband and try to get our marriage to work for the sake of our children. Having been honest about all the issues ie. DH's treatment of me, and the fact that, despite being careful I developed feelings for someone else. I am no longer in any kind of contact with OM, but have been so weepy, down etc. I am very unhappy and have gone right back to the way I felt before I met OM. A few years ago we lost a baby, and I feel almost as bad now, as if there is no point going on except for the children. How can I sustain this?

HappyWoman Sun 07-Jun-09 07:49:22

is your h still treating you badly? Did he find out about om?

You sound very low and probably have depression - has something triggered these feelings recently - and why you are comparing it to the loss of your baby?

Sorry for the questions but it is hard to understand without a bit more info.

EightiesChick Sun 07-Jun-09 08:35:49

Can you go and see a counsellor to talk some of this through? It sounds like a lot has happened to you that you have not really come to terms with.

ChgdnoM Sun 07-Jun-09 15:55:09

DH knows about OM. We, well I have always been very honest, not liking deceit in relationships. I still feel really unhappy and would like to have some time out to sort out my feelings etc. I feel he's crowding me. I am willing for us to see a counsellor because I am struggling to articulate my feelings. I don't want to hurt DH but really feel as if I'm dying inside.

dittany Sun 07-Jun-09 16:04:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChgdnoM Sun 07-Jun-09 19:05:43

He's spent the last 10 years telling me I'm a bad wife and mother, running up debts which I have to sort out. Does no planning, financial or otherwise, has taken out credit card again after i paid off about 30k of debt and begged with an ultimatum for him not to. Sulks for the least thing and seems to enjoy making me cry so he can then comfort me. Has told me he sometimes regrets marrying me and that I'd better be good to him, or . . . And smacks the kids rather than discussing behaviour with them. And used to flirt with women and put me down in public, or not stick up for me if someone else did. We don't go out socially so much now. That's most of it.

drlove8 Sun 07-Jun-09 19:26:26

thats just awful sad. why dont you pack a bag and leave the miserable sod. its obvious he is making you feel so down.... you and the kids would be better rid of him TBH .Firstly get yourself a legal seperation, so any of the debt he runs up , you wont be liable for.

ChgdnoM Sun 07-Jun-09 20:43:34

Don't know where 2 go. Or I'd have gone long time ago.

dittany Sun 07-Jun-09 20:57:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl Sun 07-Jun-09 21:01:14

Please move on unless you can tell me that he does have some redeeming features?

drlove8 Sun 07-Jun-09 22:01:38

is there a womans aid you can go to?

drlove8 Sun 07-Jun-09 22:19:17

right Chgdnom ive bumped this thread for you on the one for starsandstripes.

theDreadPirateRoberts Sun 07-Jun-09 22:25:25

Why have you decided to stay with him?

ChgdnoM Mon 08-Jun-09 09:46:46

Because we have 4 kids and I don't want to disrupt their lives. And At the moment I have no means to support myself. I may contact woman's aid.

theDreadPirateRoberts Mon 08-Jun-09 10:55:55

Do talk to WA. There's loads of support out there for you, and you really don't have anything to lose.

And don't worry about upsetting your children - this kind of disruption can be the very best thing you do for them, if it means that they now grow up with a proper role model for respectful, loving behaviour smile

EightiesChick Mon 08-Jun-09 19:47:22

I would go and see a counsellor alone first, rather than with your (not so)DH. That way you address your own unhappiness and think about what you want, which I think is what you need most right now.

Agree with above advice too.

Dalrymps Tue 09-Jun-09 08:20:45

His behaviour sounds totally unacceptable. Surely staying with him is sending a bad message to your children, thats it's ok to be with someone who treats you like that?

I agree you should call WA, it's a first step and you can go from there, it's never too late to start living the life you want.

I'll be back later on, I had some very strong red wine last night and am feeling the after effects now (it was only one glass!), anyway, I don't feel like i'm making much sense so i'll come back when i'm more coherent!

Hang in there, were all here, it will get better!

drlove8 Tue 09-Jun-09 13:26:18

how are you today? grin

ChgdnoM Tue 09-Jun-09 14:07:39

Still sad. He's invited friends up to "talk" with us and I'm dreading it! But I've realised I can just get into a car and drive. I have some family.

drlove8 Tue 09-Jun-09 14:12:57

thats a good idea.... go and do something for

Hinchy Tue 09-Jun-09 14:23:31


He sounds just like my husband who I will be divorced from hopefully by Christmas, I am losing everything, but if it means for my DD & I to have a normal happy life so be it. You don't need to put up with this - life is too short I have realised there are ways and means around everything. Take Carex

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Tue 09-Jun-09 14:25:04

I have to just come and say you have my absolute sympathy, and you are not in any way alone in this. With different details I am in a similar place as you and struggling to get to a better place, because when you need to be strong, you have the least strength to make and act-on, the kind of decisions that you need to.

It is hard, and the one thing that helps me make each tiny step forward is the thought that I don't want to be in this situation, in another year or so's time.

I can even relate to the feelings for someone else , and can only offer you a ((())) on this one, if you will accept it.

Try and get all the help you need, from here, the doctors, womens aid..surround yourself with it and draw strength from other people.
Try and focus on the fact that apart form your DC's YOU deserve a better life. YOU deserve to be happy, whether on your own, or someway down the line with someone else. But surely, even better to be alone with DC.s than miserable and demoralised in your current situation.

Take care....

drlove8 Wed 10-Jun-09 12:03:29

How are you today ChdgnoM ? what happened with the "visitors" ? Did you manage to get away for a bit? hope your ok x

Dalrymps Wed 10-Jun-09 21:17:33

Just popping in to see how you're doing today ChdgnoM?

ChgdnoM Thu 11-Jun-09 22:18:09

The visitors were ok, told me marriage is full me ups and downs and to try. Offered to have the DC's so we could have time on our own. Am still here and still weepy and feel like I'm losing marbles a lot of the time. Am getting quite paranoid about unrelated stuff, and having trouble eating and sleeping. Have contacted relate. When I told DH and how much it cost he said. "How much? !" I told him it was cheaper than a divorce. He took his credit card back off me and has spent some more on it. And he expects everything to suddenly become ok, and he is blaming this on OM, who I am no longer in touch with and who I never met in a "relationship" capacity. This is really hard for me.

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