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DP lying about stupid stuff

(13 Posts)
MeMyselfandYou Sun 07-Jun-09 01:27:21

I have a real problem with liars. I think if a person lies, you can never really trust them, no matter how small the lie.

Anyway I have been with my partner around a year and have recently moved in with him. He had lied about little stuff in the past. For instance he told me his daughter didn't know we were together when he knew damn well he'd told her. He told me he'd applied for a job when he hadn't etc.

But I let it go, deciding the lies were too small to bother about. But it's continued.

For instance a massive row erupted last weekend because he'd told his ex that she could take their daughter out on the saturday. He didn't tell the daughter this however so she made other plans. I asked him outright if he knew her mother had planned to take her out and he stuttered before saying "no,I didn't know" but I know full well he didn because I saw the text messages!

Another one is that we have his ex's old bookcase here and he is supposed to be getting rid of it. He told me originally that he'd put it in the paper for £50 ... it didn't sell so he put it down to £40 ... it still didn't sell. So he said he felt guilty lowering the price anymore as it was worth alot more than £50. My argument was that he was doing more than he should anyway just by selling the bloody thing and if she was that bothered, she'd get off her arse and sell it herself. He supposedly agreed and lowered the price down to £30.

Now, a solid pine, 6ft bookcase ... still not selling at £30?? seemed odd so I checked the advert and he hadn't lowered the price at all!! he just told me he had.

He's just lying about stupid stuff all the time ... for instance his daughter said last night:

"Dad, can I stay up late tonight? because I can't tomorow night and you know why ... "

So I'm a bit hmm 'what's all this about?'

DP quickly agrees and changes the subject.

When she left the room I asked "why can't she stay up late tomorow?" and he replies "dunno"

So I said "well, she seemed to think you knew ... " and he got agitated and said "I have no idea what she's on about"

So I thought for a while and then said "is it because she watches big brother in her room?" and he said "no" (a rule was put in place to stop the kids watching it).

10 minutes later, DSD whispers to me "do you know where my remote control is? Big Brother starts soon ... " so he'd lied about that too!

Should I just let the small stuff go or is lying lying, no matter how small?

saintmaybe Sun 07-Jun-09 01:44:24

I'd find it very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who lied to me

but you do give the impression that you were ready to be 'cross' with him if he'd told the truth in each case, in a sort of parent-child way, not like a partnership of equals

it doesn't excuse lying, but it might sort of bring out a child response in him, iyswim?

I may well be talking bollox, however, if so, apologies.

jabberwocky Sun 07-Jun-09 02:52:32

I have been in a relationship like this. It doesn't get better. You have to decide if you can live with it or not. I could not. they ultimately lie about things where sometiems even the truth would be better but they cannot seem to control the impulse to lie

HappyWoman Sun 07-Jun-09 07:56:25

I couldnt put up with anymore lies and think that if he can lie so easily about such small stuff then he could about anything really.

He does seem to want to avoid any conflict and i think you posted last week about your dsd and her mother. He probably thinks telling you what you want to hear will be the best thing.

Also agree that it does seem to be a bit of a parent/child relationship and that is not good.

He needs to know how important the truth is to you as it obviously isnt to him.

Is this possibly a reason his first marriage failed - or has he maybe not told you the whole truth about that either - making up his own version of events to make him seem the good guy??

poshsinglemum Sun 07-Jun-09 08:15:14

I think that he's lying about quite big things really. Especially regarding his daughter's knowledge of you. Get rid.

TwoScrambled Sun 07-Jun-09 08:16:45

I wouldnt want to live with this.

echt Tue 09-Jun-09 10:15:07

Nah. Lies about this, will lie about anything. Bin. Really.

stripeypineapple Tue 09-Jun-09 10:41:04

That sounds really horrible. I think it would make me feel very uncomfortable in my own home.

It's also pretty awful that he's making the kids lie to you as well even though it is over something relatively small like what they watch on telly.

Why does he feel the need to lie to you over these seemingly small and unimportant things, it's very odd.

I would worry, if I were you, that these small things were just the tip of the iceberg and if he isn't lying about bigger things yet then he will do one day.

I would have it out with him and ask him why on earth he is telling you all these pointless lies?

I couldn't happily live with a liar.

Can you?

mollyroger Tue 09-Jun-09 10:45:28

My brother is a compulsive liar. He lies over pointless stuff. He cannot seem to hlp it.
The problem is he also lies about Big stuff. Important stuff. He is 50, very attractive and charming - and single. Married 3 times. Guess why....?

No-one can put up with the constant lying.

Buyer beware, as it were....

madameovary Tue 09-Jun-09 10:51:36

My ex lied all the time too.
He had the cheek to say "I never lied ever" on a text message. Sounds like he's 16 doesnt it?
He's 51.
Point is that they never grow out of it. It's a way of life, and they dont know when they have crossed a line.

NationalFlight Tue 09-Jun-09 10:55:43

no, it's rubbish and he need to grow up - sadly I don't think it's likely to happen soonish from what you say.

I think you ought to cut your losses sad

SolidGoldBrass Tue 09-Jun-09 10:58:06

Aren't you the one who had issues with your partner's XP storing her stuff at your house and using the washing machine? Because it sounds like your partner is a bit odd or at least the relationship is a bit odd.

madameovary Tue 09-Jun-09 11:30:51

I thought this too SGB

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