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How to find love again?

(17 Posts)
poshsinglemum Sat 06-Jun-09 21:07:57

I just feel so cynical about love after being dumped whilst pregnant. Even when I have had a relationship I havn't enjoyed them that much and I am worried that I will become bitter.

My dd is still very young and I am a sahm but hope to return to work when she is two.

I would love to find love in the future. I am not desperate at the moment but I would love to believe that it can happen to me and that I am a lovable, sexy woman who is worthy of a decent relationship like most other normal women.

Apart from cyber dating, how can I find love with a very small child? It's hard enough without dc (nigh impossible ime) so it just seems virtually impossible with. I have no social life atm and not too much self esteem. Would love more dc too.

I'm really jealous of all my mates who have lovely dp and are thinking about having their second babies. I feel liek a looser compared to them.

Sorry for the self - indulgent drivle, I just need some bolstering and encouragement!

lilacclaire Sat 06-Jun-09 21:42:43

Hi, I dumped my ex before I found out I was pregnant, I still would not have changed that.

I thought because a young child is so time consuming, that I would have been unable to have a relationship anyway, I was single for the first year of ds's life (2 in total).

I thoroughly enjoyed the time me and ds had and was totally happy in myself and then I met my current DP at a neighbours house.

3 and a bit years down the line, we've had our ups and downs but we're getting there.

dont give up, men that are worht their salt are not put off by you having a child.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Sat 06-Jun-09 21:48:20

Message withdrawn

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Jun-09 21:51:09

Thanks guys,

I am loving spending time with my dd and tbh a man would not even get a look in at the moment!
I just don't want to give up on love altogether.
Who knows, If I did get a boyfriend I'd probably miss the special time that I had with dd just the two of us!

I also feel that I don't need a man in order to survive but I do miss romance and love.

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Jun-09 21:52:30

And I'm just envious of my friends!

BitOfFun Sat 06-Jun-09 21:54:25

Reality is (as always) right- just focus on creating a rich happy full life, with the odd night out and making friends, and your natural fabulousness will do the rest! I met DP through going to an art show connected to contacts I had (modelling one night a week for a class)...we clicked straightaway. Nothing cyber involved!

Spero Sat 06-Jun-09 22:42:25

I know what you mean about being envious of your friends, its awful, it makes me feel awful but I'm afraid I don't have any advice on how to stop it, I just try to be aware I'm doing it and try to keep it down.

My dad's favourite phrase (he is a jolly man) is 'you never see the torn lining of another man's coat' and I try to keep that in mind - a lot of friends who look shiny and happy on the surface have later confided that they are having all sorts of problems...

so i guess all you can keep telling yourself is that it is unhealthy to compare yourself to others when you probably don't know the whole story, and just concentrate on enjoying yourself and your situation.

I hope it gets better!

lilacclaire Sat 06-Jun-09 23:11:36

I loved it being just me and ds, but i have to admit it was lonely at times, but overall I was happy on my own, as was dp when I met him (he was also a singe parent).

I think it gives you time to think what you really want and gives you time to establish yourself iykwim.

I wouldnt have missed that time for anything.

poshsinglemum Sun 07-Jun-09 08:29:24

Thanks again all.

I also think that a big issue of mine is the desire for more children. I have absolutely loved having dd and I am very envy of my close friends who are planning or expecting their next ones. If I were them I would be doing the same but I have no idea if I will have any more and that makes me sad. I'm still grieving the perfect family. I will find it hard when my two best mates have their second. I know that's a bit bitter of me and I will be happy for them too.

I really apprechiate dd and I keep telling myself that I am spared sibling rivalry etc etc by having an only child but really I do feel sad that it's not going to be easy for me to have the two point for children that my mates are finding so easy.

I don't know any other single mums in my area and I just feel that my problems are completely different from my own.

I do have hope for the future but given my track record I am beginning to wonder if it's something to do with me. Sorry for the moan.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Sun 07-Jun-09 09:09:00

Message withdrawn

poshsinglemum Sun 07-Jun-09 09:33:38

Unfortunately I live too far away otherwise I'd love to meet up!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Sun 07-Jun-09 09:38:27

Message withdrawn

poshsinglemum Sun 07-Jun-09 10:28:59

I have joined Ginger Bread but so far I havn't been to any meetings.
To be honest I have avoided it because I just want to mix with all the other mums but some of them are not being very welcome at the moment.
Most are lovely though.

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Jun-09 10:44:33

PSM I know exactly how you feel, and have been in your situation. Sometimes I dispair and think it mst be something to do with me too, other times I love my life and can't imagine having to fit a man into it lol

I don't have any other single mum friends, my friends are all eiter childless or married with kids.

I tihnk I still have hope of meeting someone who I could actually love and who would love me back, but I am also very cyricl abot it all and certainly have stopped actually 'looking' or hopeing to 'find' it, iuswim?

Sometimes I am jealous of my friends with partners, sometimes I am grateful I don't have to deal with the stresses partners sometimes entail grin

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Jun-09 10:45:53

I have not joined gingerbread so no experience of that, I always (probsbly falsely) imasgine I am not like other single mums and don't want to meet up with them all if the focus is on the fact that we ar all single mums.

poshsinglemum Sun 07-Jun-09 11:26:00

Exactly omdb. I am trying to challenge and shed the label/stereotype so I think that Gingerbread would not suit me.

xYummyxxMummyx Fri 19-Jun-09 12:48:18

Hi, do any of you single mums live near or around Bath? I am pregnant with my first due in September and it would be great if I knew someone who could emphasize to meet up with every now and then :-)

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