I have realised that for the sake of my marriage I need to lose weight

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

And I know how pathetic that sounds, and it is nothing to do with dh, he loves me and fancies wehatever I look like and always has.
I lost quite a lot of weight but have put 50% back on over the last year.
When I was slim I was content with myself asnd therefore a nice person.
I have found myself flirting with a friend that i know fancies me, just for the boost to my self esteem I tihnk, I have no intention of ever doing anything. This is not fair on dh although he knows and doesnt really mind because he knows I wouldnt do anything, but it is really not fair ion the friend who I have known for years and I think has been besotted with me the entire time.
I have over the last week getting closer and closer to lines that I wouold never cross, and I am concerned that I need to do this just to feel good about myself.
I know i should not be so shallow and that what you look like means crap all, but tbh I hate getting ready to go out and going shopping, I feel old and fat and ugly and dh is paying the price for that which is not on.
Anyway sorry about the rambling just wantred to get that out and written down to see if it makes sense iyswim.

[prettyfly1]

Ok so I guess what you need to be asked is "what are you going to do about it". Can you afford to join a gym or weightwatchers, how heavy are you, is lighterlife a consideration. Do you need to speak to someone about how heavily your weight affects how you feel about yourself. It makes sense but only if you are prepared to do something to help yourself and your marriage.

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

In have been trying to do somethng about it for a while but not very succesfully, I think now ~I have made the trigger connedction it will be different. It bothers me that my self esteem is related entirley to my weight, it is not good but idont really know what to do about that. I do loads of excercise already.

[KingCanuteIAm]

So it is more a self esteem issue than a weight one?

What do you like doing, what makes you feel good? Do you enjoy photography, painting, walking in the hills, volunteering?

The weight thing is a side issue, yes by all means deal with it, it will give you a boost for a while and that is good obviously! In the mean time though, look at things you could do to make yourself feel good. Forget the gym if you already excercise, use the time you would have put to the gym to do something that makes happy/fulfilled!

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

I already do all the things I want to, I go for walks, I have my chickens.
I am starting work ina few weeks which will definalty help. It just always doe3s seem to come down to weight with me, and it always has as lonbg as I can remember.
The problem is I dont really even think i AM that big, until I out on some clothes I want to wear and then I start looking at every angle and thinnking I look so hideous.
I enjioyed feeling like In looked good when ~I lost all ther weight and I didnt seem to need anyone elses attention to validate that. Dh is away for 4 days and I really want to use the time to work out why I feel this way.

[FatFree]

I also have an oh who loves me whatever size i am but recently i lost a shed load of weight and my confidence has soared.

As a result, i'm finding myself accepting all invitation to go out whereas before i'd stay in and look at my hideous tents.

I find myself becoming a lot more flirty when i go out and my oh is now complaining that he liked me the way i was and is always stocking the fridge with high calorie stuff hoping i will give in.

I'm finding myself resenting him for trying to get me back to the passive little sahm that i was and i am trying to include him more, but at the end of the day i'm fed up being just someones mum or oh and its not too much to ask to have a little freedom without feeling guilty!