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why is he doing this to me

(19 Posts)
confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 12:21:30

this is a rant and prob wont make much sense cos im so upset.

A while ago my dp (or not at the mo) had been texting my friend messages that he shouldnt have been we spoke about it and we left it at that he promised not to do it anymore. Then yesterday something happened that brought it all back up which again we spoke about and delt with it. i then say a message on his phone last night that said something like he would leave her alone and that he accepted the baby which i dont really get but the point it he was asked to delete her number and that would be it.

then this morning i was checking the phone bill to see how much it was gonna be and i saw £55 to premium numbers which were sex lines. i dont know what to do. why is he trying to hurt me the calls were made when i was in hosp having our baby

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 12:28:10

am i just bein over sensitive i just wander if hes hiding anything else

sweetmonkey Mon 09-May-05 12:35:06

not really sure what to say but thought id reply to you.
are you sure they were sex lines and not just premium rate numbers ie competitions etc
do you usually look at each others mobiles?

Blu Mon 09-May-05 13:19:47

Accepted the baby? What does that mean? And why is your friend having to ask him to delete her number?
As to 'why is he doing this to you?' I think this is a v good question. I think you need to talk to him, and ask him what he is playing at, and what things are important to you in your relationship. He sounds very immature. I have known of men who choose the moment their partner is having a baby to start acting out of character re things like sex lines etc to hi further? Calmly, if you can?

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 13:24:54

it was me that told him to delete her number as she was sending messages back which also hurt and yeah i know thats the kind of lines he was calling as i phoned 1 to see. he is now begging me not to leave and says hes been an arsehole i just dont know what to believe.

Katemum Mon 09-May-05 13:26:47

Sounds like you need to find out what has been going on before you can make any sort of decision.

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 13:31:36

i just dont want him to think its all ok (we were talking about engagement rings this morning) and then it to happen again i dont want to put dd through what i went through when i was young. i have told him in the past if he cheated on me that would be it but this situation is a bit hazy as he hasnt slept with or kissed some1 else but i still feel totally let down and betrayed. hes taken the afternoon off work and is feeding dd at the mo as i think me being upset was getting passed on to her

elsmommy Mon 09-May-05 13:34:28

How old are you both?

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 13:35:34

im 24 and hes 25

elsmommy Mon 09-May-05 13:38:55

I thought you were going to say he was quite young cos blokes usually grow out of sex lines and stuff IMO.
Were they all on the night that you had the baby or on different days?

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 13:41:48

there was a few that night and basicaly when im not in stayed away for a couple of nights this week and there was more then

elsmommy Mon 09-May-05 13:47:11

Maybe hes feeling a bit left out since you had your baby. I've heard alot of men do. He might just be doing it for attention...
Have you spoken to him abou it?
How old is your baby?

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 13:51:51

shes 2 weeks old but the thing with my x friend was going on from before i was pg

elsmommy Mon 09-May-05 14:00:41

With the sex lines I think you should tell him how you feel and hopefully he'll respect your wishes and stop.
I'm not sure what to say about the thing with your ex mate.
Did he think he might not be the dad?
Maybe something was going on with them and hes finished it, but you might never know?
Could you talk to this ex friend?
Sorry, I've got to go and bath a very sticky baby - shouldn't have given her that jam dohnut!!
I'll check back in a little while

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 14:03:42

cant see how he would think she wasnt his he is totally besotted with her. i just dont know if its me he wants or just thinks he cant have her without me. he says he needs me and her but he clearly didnt when he was phoning the lines. things havent been the same since i came home it felt like there was something he wasnt telling me and now i know what it was

confusedandhurt Mon 09-May-05 14:52:30

he keeps saying sorry which makes me worse im just sitting here numb i dont want to go through cos im scared ill say something and that will be it

elsmommy Mon 09-May-05 15:05:10

And you couldn't have a word with this friend and ask her whats been going on?
What did the text messages he was sending before say?

confusedandhurt Mon 16-May-05 08:35:26

a week has gone by and were talking but i cant seem to trust him. i keep checking his phone even though he has taken the number out. he keeps trying to cuddle me and stuff but it doesnt feel the same anymore. i try and stay up late with dd and even try and feed her as late as pos so hes asleep when i get to bed. i keep finding reasons not to cuddle up on the couch and i dont want to kiss him. will it get better with time i still feel hurt but we said that we wouldnt talk about it anymore and it was done but it doesnt feel done i just keep thinking about it.

i know it isnt the worst thing as it was just messages and he didnt actually cheat but it still hurts

leanne23 Mon 16-May-05 11:47:56

could he have got your friend pregnant (maybe not showing yet?) could this be what he means in his text to her by accepting the baby - hers, not yours?

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