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'I should enjoy it more' says DH

(13 Posts)
Sago Wed 03-Jun-09 13:47:55

hmm...Dh had a day with the DC recently (I was not feeling 100% and took the chance to rest and he was going away for a week).
At the end of the day, I got a whole little lecture about how wonderful the DC were, how relaxing the day had been and that he did not know what I was complaining about. I tried to explain that it was not always like that...

The cheek of it! The DC are always better behaved when he is around cos 2 adults to share attention etc. Plus I cooked dinner and cleaned the house on that day and he does not get that they behave differently with me, that we have errands to run, times where we have to be places, that I have to clean, cook, sort out finances,shop for food and do laundry as well...But did not go in...I should enjoy it more, he said.

Plus a bit isolated as we moved abroad a few months ago, don't know many people, don't speak language and about to move again- though this time more permanent and I do speak the language.

Aaargh, do other people get this? How is it possible to explain this to someone else? I have been a WOHM and now a SAHM and though both are hard, my character is best suited to the WOHM. I'm jobhunting, but in the meantime I have 8 weeks of full time SAHM with a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old as it is the summer hols here..

Will I lose my sanity or will I learn to enjoy it?!?!?!? [wink}

Meglet Wed 03-Jun-09 13:51:19

He wouldn't think it was such fun if he had to do it day in and day out, plus all the household crap and errands. Your DC's probably behaved better for him as it was a novelty for him to be there.

He's looking at it through rose tinted specs I reckon.

fleacircus Wed 03-Jun-09 13:54:47

Pah - one day is nothing, especially as it sounds like you did more than half the work anyway. When I went back to work after my maternity leave DP took four weeks' parental leave so he could have a turn at being 'primary carer' - it was an eye-opener for both of us and I really recommend it to anyone that can afford it (parental leave is unpaid so we spent savings to make up the difference).

poshsinglemum Wed 03-Jun-09 14:25:53

Mabe you should leave him to deal with it totally alone. Then see if he finds it so hard.

screamingabdab Wed 03-Jun-09 16:53:26

Sago
Aaargh is the word. One day is not the same as looking after them all the time ! Impossible to explain - he'd have to be in your shoes.

It's the relentlessness of childcare, the same things every day, and the fact of trying to do several things at once, which makes it hard.

I was a SAHM for 8 years, and whilst I do not really regret it,( and wonder if my perfectionism (and tiredness) would have meant I would have felt I was doing 2 things badly), I do feel happier and more pleased to see my DSs now there's something else in my life (I work very part-time).

To get through the Summer holidays, I'd recommend making plans. Write a big list of things you can do, split into 2 columns, good weather and bad weather. Write down anything you can think of, not just trips to museums etc but things like cleaning the car. Then plan a week. I put a calendar on the wall, because I HATE the "what are we doing today" question. MAKE SURE you plan to do nothing some days. Good luck!

screamingabdab Wed 03-Jun-09 16:58:23

I have also had times of questioning whether DH would be better at this than me, but came to the conclusion that that was utter self-destructive bollocks grin wink

bronze Wed 03-Jun-09 17:01:39

arrgghhh I'm off on my own (with baby) for 10 days next week and I'm terrified I'm going to come home to spotless house and perfectly behaved children and him saying I don't know what you complain about.

Think of the holidays as a special time to spend with them before you go back to work.(and find things to do)

SuperWasher Wed 03-Jun-09 17:05:18

But you'll have the baby bronze? That's 75% of the work right there surely

screamingabdab Wed 03-Jun-09 17:11:14

bronze If he's anything like my DH, he'll recruit help in the form of parents ......

Where are you going, can I come ? wink

bronze Wed 03-Jun-09 17:11:59

hehe mil is going away. We [mil] had a little giggle about this as he doesnt know

screamingabdab Wed 03-Jun-09 17:15:48

Machiavelian !!

On the rare occasion I have been away for the weekend, DH has gone to visit my parents, or they've come to our house.

Don't get me wrong, he is a brilliant dad, but it just galls a bit ......

(lovely family by the way, bronze)

Sago Wed 03-Jun-09 18:15:04

ah bronze, well done for co-ordinating that one....thanks for your replies and tips...most of the time I know he has no idea what he is talking about when he makes these comments, but every now and then i go down the self-destructive mode. I haven't been away ever or go out much in the evenings so always here. Well, I did go away for 2 nights for work once and had to leave food ready and came back to face mountains of dirty clothes etc but DH felt he had coped well - bless him! gotta laugh!

bronze Wed 03-Jun-09 21:26:18

It's taken me 6 years. I have left all the children before but never with him except to go to meetings after they are in bed but this time it was the kind of thing he couldn't say no to so that was it I was going.
You need to get yourself invited to a wedding or something where he would just have no good reason to say no (not that theres ever a good reason but we don't live in that perfect world). Even a week looking after them would be like a holidat for him compared to for you as he is a novelty so theywill behave differently.
Good luck I hope you find an escape soon.

Thank you screaming. I think so but I'm biased smile

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