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Complete lack of sex drive.. feel like im pushing dp away.

(5 Posts)
mum2b09 Tue 02-Jun-09 09:47:58

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago and ever since i found out i was pregnant i havnt wanted to have sex at all..

During my pregnancy we must have had sex a couple of times and dp has been really understanding and supportive. I thought after i had dd my sex drive would retun but it hasnt atall if anything i want it less.

IIts gotton to the point now where i dont even wnt to cuddle in bed i just want my own space. I do love my dp with all my heart but i just feel so exhausted and unattractive at the moment i just cant bring myself to be intimate.

Im breastfeeding dd too which obv doesnt help when im al leaky lol.

Is it normal to lose sex drive? Will it return? how can i get it back??

abedelia Tue 02-Jun-09 10:15:17

It can take ages, but breastfeeding does sometimes make you feel a bit 'touched out', ie, there's always someone attached to you so you do want to have your own space without anyone clinging to you... 10 weeks is very ambitious for wanting to go back to totally normal imho. Don't push yourself, and either keep a stack of breast pads by the bed or keep your bra on!

However, it can be that you do get out of practice and you may find that although you don't have the drive to actually initiate sex, once he gets going you can find yourself getting into it and glad you have done it. He sounds very understanding so have a chat about it and let him know it isn't about not finding him attractive. Also - why don't you try having the afternoon off one weekend - he takes dd to the park and lets you have a nap, then both of you cook dinner and try to get dd settled so you can have an evening at home together and early night before you get exhausted again? How you are feeling is so common, don't panic!

AccioPinotGrigio Tue 02-Jun-09 10:28:06

Oh bless you. It is difficult to feel sexy/horny when you are breastfeeding. Abdelia is spot on with the "touched out" thing. I never wanted dh to touch my boobs at all after a long day feeding.

I would say lots of people feel like this after the birth of a child and you are not unusual. I don't have anything to add to what Abdelia has said really, all very good advice.

There are lots of other threads on this subject out there, I am not sure how to link to them but there was one yesterday which I and others posted on with some "top tips" to get things moving in the bedroom department after the birth of a child/loss of libido.

abedelia Tue 02-Jun-09 11:01:22

Meant to add (and don't have evidence - I am just guessing) that it is probably nature's way of giving your body a break - if you don't want sex then you are unlikely to get pregnant again straight after a birth... So it's probably hormonal.

Just make sure you keep the communications open with your H so he doesn't think he's being left out in favour of the baby (men can be very childish about this) and you'll be fine.

mum2b09 Tue 02-Jun-09 11:01:54

thanx girls ill have a look for threads x

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