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Husband doesn't want me anymore

(6 Posts)
Charl75 Mon 01-Jun-09 21:49:13

My husband and I have been together about 8 years and married for 3. We have a lovely baby who's just turned one. Since he was born our relationship has changed (and when DS was first born I had PND. Things have been slowly going downhill and we almost split up a few weeks ago. Tonight he says that he is confused but wants to split. He sees me as a mum and not sexually anymore (we don't have sex - twice since DS was born. I haven't wanted to and now neither does he)He says we have both changed. I know that I can be horrible and he has issues too.
I feel broken.
The worst thing is that he wants DS half of the time. I don't know how I'll cope not seeing my baby some days. I work full time.
Not sure why I am posting. Feel numb.

gingerteam Mon 01-Jun-09 22:07:49

Poor thing, what a horrid situation. What do you want to happen? How good were the good times? My only advice is talk,talk,talk. You will both have changed - parenthood does that to the strongest of couples.

Spero Mon 01-Jun-09 22:11:19

Sorry to hear this. i think it is definitely worth trying to explore counselling before making a final decision to split; having a child can have a huge impact on a relationship and this might be a question of having to ride out the rough times, rather than giving up.

MaggieBee Mon 01-Jun-09 22:18:27

You poor thing. What a shock.

Don't agree to 50:50 co-parenting right now. (Maybe you'll want that later, but don't just meekly agree to it right now).

Your baby is still young. Your (x)h wouldn't definitely be awarded fify:fifty residency. It's not a fait accomplit by any means. I think a judge would think that a baby should spend more time with his primary carer and have a main home instead of two homes.

You may be ready to share residency more equally further down the line, but your (x)h is extremely insensitive to throw both of these 'assaults' at you in one weekend.

He rips the rug from under you by ending the marriage AND then tells you that he wants to co-parent in the next breath.

In time, you and the baby may be ready for him to have the baby at weekends. This would actually leave you freeer to get on with your own life. And I don't mean meeting another man. I've been single for ages and it's quite an even keel if you know what I mean. When you're happy you're happy and nobody can change that just by walking in the door. Look after yourself. Talk to a solicitor as soon as you can. I'm sure you'd be reassured.

LaDiDaDi Mon 01-Jun-09 22:18:38

Please please try to get some relationship counselling and spend some time working on things before you split.

I know that this may be easier said than done if your DH doesn't want to engage but this first year is an enormous upheaval and a massive shift in the dynamic of your relationship. You both now love someone else more than each other and that's a bit weird at first. It was very hard on our relationship when we first became parents, especially as I don't think we had discussed how we thought our relationship would change but each of us had probably held our own views and just not shared them iyswim.

Explain to your dh that he owes it to his son to try to make your relationship work.

skramble Mon 01-Jun-09 22:20:02

I would suggest some sort of counseling for this, it is all so different for both of you.

It is possible to imporve things if what hes says is the problem and not an excuse.

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