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Whats the difference between an amotional affair and a close friendship?

(17 Posts)
thesockmonsterofdoom Mon 01-Jun-09 19:37:24

Just wondered really, people on here are often talking of emotional affairs, what does this actually consist of, I have a few close male friends that I flirt with etc, what is the difference. Dh also has lots of female friends, same deal.

FabulousBakerGirl Mon 01-Jun-09 19:38:21

First one - want to get into their pants
Second one - can tell them anything but the thought of sex with them is hmm

CurryMaid Mon 01-Jun-09 19:39:15

Yep, you don't want to sleep with someone when it's a close friendship.

Emotional affair is when you so would.

BCNS Mon 01-Jun-09 19:40:21

first one..yes the pants thing.. but also.. telling that person more than you would your partner, relying on that person for you emotional needs etc.

second.. tell them everything.. they are like a brother / sister.. with a bit of flirting.. but you'd never want to sleep with them.

thesockmonsterofdoom Mon 01-Jun-09 19:40:46

so it's just the intention of an affair then? that makes a bit more sense.

CurryMaid Mon 01-Jun-09 19:45:30

Be careful though because I once had what I thought was a close friendship with a married man who it turns out was treating it as an emotional affair.

BCNS Mon 01-Jun-09 19:56:05

it's a very fine line..

cherryblossoms Mon 01-Jun-09 20:47:32


I once lost a very good, very close male friend after he married. I'm pretty sure it was because his dw decided she didn't like it.

I am still narked about it.

No, I would never have slept with him. In fact, she broke up with him while they were still at the "seeing each other" stage and I worked out what the problem was (he wasn't being involved enough with her ds from a previous relationship) and told him to go fix it. I practically got them married! And that's how they repaid me!!

I think she just didn't like him having a close female friend. I still miss him.

cherryblossoms Mon 01-Jun-09 20:57:26


Just had to offload. Not really what OP was asking. blush

Except that maybe, for some people, the difference doesn't really matter ... .

[Wow. I sound so bitter ... .]

fourkids Mon 01-Jun-09 22:14:41

hmm... i don't wish to court other people's anger...but a close friendship where you flirt is IMO very possibly an emotional affair.

I do not flirt with any of my friends - I am married to, and love my husband! And I do not expect my DH to flirt with anyone either. IMO if there is flirting going on, it's a step too far. Flirting with someone who isn't your DH/DW is disrespectful (if you have a DP obviously - ok if you don't!! grin), not to mention getting into dangerous territory.

I have one or two good male friends, and DH has some female 'mates' but neither of us has someone else, especially of the opposite sex, that we confide in more than each other.

Also, I think that an emotional affair might not involve 'wanting to get into their pants.' But it might involve seeing them as your support, your rock, a wonderful man, someone to hold you and make you feel good, a feeling of posessiveness...something more subtle than sex.

HappyWoman Mon 01-Jun-09 22:31:31

friends you would tell your partner about and not feel bothered that they knew you were with them.

Emotional affair is when you know you have crossed a line that you would not be happy if your partner had a similar relationship.

Secrets and lies also come into it.

I think a lot of men tell their partner when they are found out that because there was no sex it was just an emotional affiar - and that is supposed to be betterhmm.

I think you can flirt with friends though - but again only if you feel you could in front of your partner, as long as it is all friendly and everyone feels comfortable.

I do think friends of opposite sexes though can be a recipie for disaster as once that line is crossed it is a mess.

SerendipitousHarlot Mon 01-Jun-09 23:19:48

*Emotional affair is when you know you have crossed a line that you would not be happy if your partner had a similar relationship.*

Spot on [nods] That's how I conduct myself as well - I think how I would feel if it were the other way around, and judge the situation like that.

If I don't want to tell dh I'm meeting with a particular friend, clearly I fancy them a bit.

StirlingTheStrong Mon 01-Jun-09 23:22:34

I would say that it is an Emotional Affair when...

A - You wouldn't be happy with your partner hearing the conversations you have.

B - If you are telling the other person things that you would normally only tell your partner

C - If the relationship makes you feel guilty

That's how I would sum it up.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 01-Jun-09 23:27:00

I think there isn't a fixed definition that would apply to everyone, because different people have different couple-boundaries. Some people are obsessively monogamous to the extent that they can't abide their partners having any kind of friendly interaction with anyone else, some people are into swinging/open realtionships.

jaydulwich Mon 01-Jun-09 23:46:46

Message withdrawn

jaydulwich Mon 01-Jun-09 23:49:46

Sorry bad spelling im so tired , lol

HappyWoman Tue 02-Jun-09 06:20:07

solid you are right there are different rules for everyone but the word 'affair' implies there is some sort of secrecy to it.

I have no problem with people having a more open relationship - its not for me - but equally i would not want my h to say i couldnt have male friends.

I do think you can have friendships between males and females but it is not so common.

Just look in the school playground - all the typical stereotypes happen there. The girls and boys tend to stick with friends of the same sex and only really start to interact when the hormones kick in.

Also when i look at my dd (5) she behaves very differently with men and woman - she seems to 'flirt' with males and i dont think she would benifit from a male teacher at the moment.

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