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Have I done the right thing or have I just set myself up for single parenthood again?

(3 Posts)
mamanut Mon 01-Jun-09 17:07:45

Hi, I am almost 7 weeks pregnant, the pregnancy was semi planned, one of those just see how it goes with no pressure things. The thing is even though we were had discussed it and both knew it would happen eventually, my partner is now freaking out and is avoiding me which is driving me mad as he was really happy when we first found out.

Our situation is a bit complicated, he's in the military and is going on tour for 6 months when I will be 12 weeks and he will be back just before its due, he said he can't get his head round going away when I'm not even showing then coming back and having a baby. He's also worried about the financial side/too young etc and other usual excuses.

The sensible part of me wanted to wait til he got back before we started this, but I was easily persuaded, wish I had have stuck to it!

Just to give a bit more info, he is younger than me and I already have a son from a previous relationship. My son is 4 and has never met his bi father. My partner and I got engaged just before we found out about the baby and my son was really excited that he was going to get a daddy and now a little brother or sister. My son loves my partner to bits and the feeling is mutual.

But now my partner doesn't want to know. I understand he is probably scared as he will be going through 2 life changing experiences in the next year (first tour, first baby).

As he is based away from home we only usually get to see each other at weekends but he didn't come back this weekend and won't talk to me, he's not a big talker about feelings. So I sent an email explaining I understand how he must be feeling and that I was going to give him some space and I will wait for him to contact me, although I would really like him to come to the scan.

Do you think I am right to give him the time to think or have I just given him a get out?

I feel worse for my son who loves him to bits and I have to keep making excuses for why he didn't come home. It would break his heart if we split up.

Really sorry about the length of this, but this is the condensed version of events!

ridingjoker Mon 01-Jun-09 17:28:27

i think you've done the right thing. the really is nothing else you can do. if you hound him he's just going to run further in opposite diection i think. give him some space and in a few days or week or so get in contact if he hasn't with you already.

motherlovebone Mon 01-Jun-09 23:01:35

would you consider a termination?
you know how hard it is being a single mum, are you prepared to go through that again?
could you give him an ultimatum? tell him, you do it together or not at all?
he sounds unsuitable really. what will happen a few months/years down the line when other biggies crop up, as they do.
i wouldnt really rely on someone to 'come round' rather i would make decisions for me and my existing child now.

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