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please help, i need some input on arranging access with out going to court

(7 Posts)
javontae Mon 01-Jun-09 10:34:30

hi there,

i am 22 and i have a 3 year old son. His father is 23.. we were together for 5 years and split on bad terms, however i let my son go to his dads EVERY weekend fri-sun even though i work 37.5 hours a week. He was also giving me £30 a week maintaence.

However, his father will have no contact with me, for example willnot answer the phone to me etc, (i have not done anything to him). Things came to a head recently where he hadnt given me any maintenance for 3 weeks and he swore he only needed to give me 2 weeks, amongst other issues i went round there to discuss and he became very rude to me calling me every name under the son and threatened to slap me while i had our son in my arms.

i really dont want to go throught the courts but i just dont know what to do.. i do want my son to have access but his dad will not speak to me and when he does it is just abusive...

does anybody have any suggestions what i can do?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 01-Jun-09 12:13:58

Why don't you want to use the court system?. You may have no option but to use the court system now particularly as your ex is acting abusively.

Do you also have any formal arrangement in place re maintenance for your son; this also is something I would look into now.

bethoo Mon 01-Jun-09 12:17:22

go to CSA and family mediation for arranging access though you cannot force a man to talk to you when he is willingly having your son every weekend.

Hinchy Mon 01-Jun-09 14:29:46

Hi I am going through something similar, we have agreed every other weekend fri- sun and alternate thurs night which I am not happy about, I moved out nearly 5 weeks ago and he has paid me £220 in dribs and drabs he is claiming now that CSA say he only has to pay £80.00. He is also wanting joint custody which will not be happening and for our daughter to stay with him and his floozy's house when he moves in in 3 months time, which I don't want to happen going to a solicitor today, did not want it to come to this but it is a case of having to.

Good luckx

SolidGoldBrass Mon 01-Jun-09 14:33:57

Sorry but you need to go to court. THis man is abusive and may get worse, and you need his abusive behaviour on record. If he does get worse you might want to insist on supervised contact only.

2rebecca Mon 01-Jun-09 15:44:44

I think you're going to need to change the access anyway. When your son is at school you'll be wanting to see him at weekends, maybe his dad could see him 1 or 2 evenings during week and every other weekend. If he's not paying you enough ask the CSA to assess it. The CSA will inform both of you how much he has to pay.
Informal arrangements are good, but not if the adults can't communicate.
Hinchy's arrangement sounds fine, not sure why you consider it unfair. If your daughter's father moves in with his partner then it is natural that that is where she'll go on weekends. I think you'd be selfish to try and stop her staying with her dad. If you decided to move in with your partner you wouldn't expect to lose contact with your daughter. The partners are irrrelevent (although upsetting), it's the long term relationship with the parents that's important for children.

mamas12 Mon 01-Jun-09 22:25:04

Agree with 2rebecca
Access EVERY weekend as you put it sounds unfair re: catch up fun time with your dc. Why not every two out three or every other weekend.
Do you have anyone who could do the handover for you, your father or someone who he wouldn't be so abusive towards?
sounds like you will be at the csa i'm afraid.

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