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Question re Domestic Violence.

(9 Posts)
Nahui Mon 01-Jun-09 10:06:40

Message withdrawn

dizietsma Mon 01-Jun-09 12:21:10

The echoing silence says it all I suppose.

It's never "Just the one time."

mumoverseas Mon 01-Jun-09 12:25:16

I experienced a 'one off' approximately 2 years ago. DH doesn't normally drink and we met up with some of his old friends from school who he hadn't seen for years and of course boys being boys, they had more than a few pints. We then had a row and he punched me. It was just the once but I made it clear if it ever happened again, it was over, no going back. We have never again spoken of it.

I know he is not normally a violent persona although god knows I must push him at times and I really think it was the drink as he is just not used to it. He is forgiven, but it won't be forgotten and god help him if he does it again.

Alambil Mon 01-Jun-09 12:28:39

I think that the majority of physical violence is coupled with another area of DV - whether it be emotional, verbal, sexual or financial, so that when the punch (or whatever) comes and the victim analyses their relationship, they realise the other issues that may have been hard to pinpoint and discover that the punch really wasn't a "one off".

Does that make sense?

sometimes it is a one-off, but I fear that mostly, it is not.

Jazzicatz Mon 01-Jun-09 12:38:10

DV is not just about violence but rather a set of behaviours used to gain power and control over another. There may not ever be a physically violent episode but the behaviours are still regarded as dv - for example financial control, controlling where someone goes or what they wear.

BCNS Mon 01-Jun-09 12:43:30

agree with lewis.

junglist1 Mon 01-Jun-09 18:38:09

Yep my twat is violent very iregularly and that is slaps and shoves, but there's a lot of emotional crap that goes with it. Lewis and Jazzicatz are spot on.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 01-Jun-09 22:49:50

I have known one or two couples where the occasional slap or push or throwing of crockery has taken place and the relationship has survived it but in these cases the partners have been sort of evenly matched, both a bit volatile and, crucially, neither one was intimidated by the other and the slapping etc would be on both sides: they'd row, it would get unpleasant, but then they would make up and I think the key factor was huge amounts of mutual respect and just a slightly excessive way of settling differences. Because DV is all about one partner wanting to control the other.

JonAndHate Mon 01-Jun-09 23:15:27

SGB I think that's called 'common couple violence'.

Has happened with us a couple of times when we were under a lot of stress but we sorted the things that were making us stressed/triggered this type of behaviour through Relate and never again smile

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