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Feel completely sh*t, am I living a lie ?

(7 Posts)
1toomany Sat 07-May-05 23:37:09

I'll make this brief, been married 14 years, not sure I ever loved dh like other people love each other.
We're usually polite to each other, have sex now and again and it's ok, but recently he's complaining it's not often enougth, he's always been very selfish and quite cruel (verbally) at times.
The other night a friend was very very drunk, and told me I was gorgeous,he wanted a good night kiss, but I said no, I know it was the drink talking , but I can't stop thinking about it, please tell me I'm stupid and to get on with my ok life.

AnnaInManchester Sat 07-May-05 23:43:53

What a hard situation to be in 1toomany.....
you're husband sounds like he treats u like crap by being selfish and verbally abusive. Like u said it was the drink talking and u might go make a fol of yourself if you try and pursue things with this friend, but if you're even thinking about kissing another bloke, consider whether u even want to be with DH anymore, and if u dont, get out.

Trinab75 Sun 08-May-05 08:22:14

I think when you are lacking attention in your relationship, it is bound to make you feel receptive to any other attention you may get. I dont blame you for not stopping thinking about it.

Could you talk to your husband and let him know how unhappy you are?

noddyholder Sun 08-May-05 08:52:36

In your situation i would probably have kissed him to be truthful but if you are trying to sort things out with your husband not a good idea Are you sure you never felt passionately about him even at the very start?

basketcase Sun 08-May-05 09:03:21

Don’t make a difficult situation any worse by complicating matters. Whilst anyone would understand why you probably feel the need for a little distraction and attention, ultimately this will be a very short term solution with potentially all sorts of backlash.
You know the answer - you need to face up to your relationship with DH first and make some decisions together. Sure, it might be best for you to do some long hard thinking about what you want first, or it might be worth trying a neutral third party to mediate, confrontation and open discussion may be the way forward. Only you know what would be the most constructive way. The only thing for sure is that now you have accepted there is a problem, just getting on with your life and avoiding dealing with it will leave you feeling dissatisfied and as if you are living in a vacuum. Start living for the future and be brave - stop being polite and start being honest.
Good luck - my heart goes out to you, living honestly can be so hard at times xx

1toomany Sun 08-May-05 12:12:23

Hi.
I think our relationship was very good, until we got married (3 years in), I think I probably have'nt coped with his attitude since a big bust up 2 years ago, which turned physically nasty.Just a few cuts and bruises but every time he says something horrible now I still think about that night,(alcohol does make him verbally nastier) usually its only little comments or lack of communication that I'm upset about, sorry if I'm rambling,but it helps to have found somewhere to get some of this out.
I've tried talking to dh over the years, but he will only see his side of things,and turns everything into my fault because we don't have sex often enough.
I saw the other man yesterday and tried to behave normally, I don't know that he even remembers.

elsmommy Sun 08-May-05 12:38:40


Leave him and find real love with someone else!

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