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Ar*ehole dp.........I hate him!!!

(25 Posts)
AnnaInManchester Fri 06-May-05 20:00:30

Well I met my DP over 3 years ago. We fell in love with each other, then after a few months he decided to tell me he actually had a long-term partner, who he lived with, and her 3 kids (one 20, one 18 and one school-aged) from a previous marriage. I was furious and asked why he hadnt told me at beginning. He said because he didnt want to lose me.

He then told me he was going to leave her, that I just had to hang in there for the right time. I waited 3 whole years, dumping him frequently, but then he always begged me to get back with him and I relented.

Now, this guy, a few weeks back told me he'd moved out into a hotel because he was sick of her (his live-in partner) and we could now be together. I then found out I may be pregnant, but too early to get a test. I asked him to come stay at mine instead of his friends because I needed him. But no, he went to his friends. We had a massive argument and ended it there. We have since been in touch about the pregnancy, and I have been so up and down, because I have had 2 m/c's already and was so worried about even being pregnant. Anyway he told me he had a new job in a new borough, about 1 hrs drive away, and they had put him up in a hotel. I called him today to tell him about the negative preg result and he was like really edgy on the phone, like he couldnt say much. Then I heard her (his supposedly ex girlfriend) say 'who's that' to him. It was definately her. How can he be like this? He said he was moving out for me and now hes back there. I felt like texting him about how he is a lier and stuff in the hope she would read it, but that would just cause problems for me too. How can I get over this? Why do guys always lie?

Drizzle Fri 06-May-05 20:10:55

Did, you honestly expect him to change after 3 years?

How old are you both?

Catbert Fri 06-May-05 20:16:38

To answer your two specific questions:

You will get over it. Seriously - move on. And by it I mean him, and he honestly doesn't sound like he gave you much of a relationship to get over.

They don't always lie. The ones who do should be put back onto a dusty shelf to rot.

Nemo1977 Fri 06-May-05 20:18:12

aww hun what an arse but unfortunately it sounds like hes been having his cake and eating it. I know it doesnt help and its hard to move on but you need to put yourself first s he definetly isnt doing that.

hugs to u hun

AnnaInManchester Fri 06-May-05 20:29:43

I'm 21, he's 28 and his ex-partner (or whatever she is now) is in her late 30s.

Drizzle Fri 06-May-05 20:37:26

so you are very young still. He sounds like a rat. Get out there, have some fun and meet some of the nice guys.

lilsmum Fri 06-May-05 21:02:31

no offence, but

you can do sooo much better, and why you would wanna get pregnant to him is also

aloha Fri 06-May-05 21:06:57

Well, hate to sound harsh, but you knew he was a liar three years ago, when you realised he was cheating on his partner. That was really the time to dump him - after all, he had children.
He hasn't changed. If he could deceive the mother of his children and betray his family then, why would be be any different with his mistress?
You do deserve better, and so does his partner, frankly.
You are very, very young. You have years and years ahead of you to meet someone who is really free to be with you and to have children in a committed relationship. Treat this as a lesson. Men don't always lie.

sansouci Fri 06-May-05 21:14:18

Avoid being a single mum at 21, if you can. Go out & have fun. Fall in love, party, travel, laugh & be thankful that the idiot is out of your life, even though it must hurt like hell now. Hugs xx

Drizzle Fri 06-May-05 21:17:31

sansouci - couldn't agree more.

Being a single mum is both great and terrible but when your 21 and all your friends are going out having fun and you are 'grounded' every night indefinately. It's not easy. You have years ahead of you to settle with an honest guy.

sansouci Fri 06-May-05 21:35:26

Believe me, from the dizzying heights of 42 & mum to dd 5 yrs & ds 21 mos, I am SO GLAD I had fun in my teens, 20s & 30s. I was such an idiot emotionally at 21; I couldn't even take proper care of myself, let alone a baby!

Drizzle Fri 06-May-05 21:43:07

I had dd at 24 - too young for me personlly. Hard listening to all your friends talking about the weekend and being in everynigth from 7. It's like a prison!

AngelCakeUmm Fri 06-May-05 21:55:43

I had my ds at 20 and yes i was young but i am in a stable relationship with his father and i adore y ds to bits hes my world.....but believe me its hard hard work and yes you litterally have to give up your life but i was ready for this and as i said i was and still am in a very stable relationship i could not have done this on my own

sansouci Fri 06-May-05 22:16:02

That's lovely, Angelcake. I didn't mean to say that having kiddies young is necessarily bad! At least you can have fun in your 30s & 40s... and your lie-ins, when you need them most!

wordsmith Fri 06-May-05 22:42:53

Anna, sorry, he's not your dp. he's someone else's. And by the sound of it you're better off without him.

AnnaInManchester Fri 06-May-05 22:48:06

Thanks for all your replies...they are so much appreciated. I am just going to go and have fun in the following weeks. I can quite easily live without him, I have done before and can do again, but I am so hurt he lied to me, but like some of u have said, he lied to his partner, so why shouldnt he lie to me.

To those who thought he is the father of those children, he is not, otherwise he would have had the oldest when he was 8, because the oldest boy is aged 20! They're all her kids from a previous marriage.

AnnaInManchester Fri 06-May-05 22:52:15

I just cant believe for 3 yrs he's been saying he would leave and now he says he has done, but really he probably stayed a night in a hotel and fooled me into thinking he left her for good. How stupid am i? I cant belive I even wasted my time on this man. Is revenge really sweet?

colditz Fri 06-May-05 23:33:59

What a knob.

Put prawns down the back of his radiators.

Sent him a parcel without enough postage on it, put a mixture of prawns, eggs and maggots in the box (old lunchbox with a clingfilm lid), then by the time he gets hold of it to open it, it will be truly rancid!

AnnaInManchester Fri 06-May-05 23:49:28

Ha ha!!! Thats funny! So tempted!!!

What makes me think youve done this before Colditz? Do tell....

marthamoo Fri 06-May-05 23:59:04

Not all guys lie. This one does because he is a a bastard and not worth your time. Go and find a decent one and you will wonder why you wasted 3 years on this tosser. I feel most sorry for his dp.

colditz Sat 07-May-05 00:28:02

No Anna, I haven't, but I have a fervid imagination when crossed!

AnnaInManchester Sat 07-May-05 10:18:08

he called me this morning. I was just asking him where he was last night. He said at the accomodation in Stoke, but I said I heard Jackies (HIS EX-DP - OR WHATEVER SHE IS) voice asking 'who's that?!?!' He wouldnt confess tho. This woman drives the local buses. U think it would be nasty to tell her of all the times he has lied to her and been with me she knows what a real dog he is?

aloha Sat 07-May-05 10:26:48

Yes, I think that would be nasty. She's done nothing to hurt you and it's not her fault he's a cheat. maybe she knows and maybe she doesn't but it is really not your place to tell her. Because, face it, you won't really be doing it for her benefit, would you? And it would hurt her more than it would hurt him by the sound of it.
Just put all this behind you. He's a liar and he's no good. He's cheating on her, and if he had left her, he would have cheated on you.
Make a better life for yourself. He's only a bloke!

AnnaInManchester Sat 07-May-05 23:08:58

Well tonight I am getting over him! I have just been to tesco's, got a pasta dish thing, a box of dunkin' doughnuts, a creamy peach melba and a pot noodle lol. Gonna stuff myself silly!!!

Louise1980 Sun 08-May-05 11:29:49

Colditz thats like a cat food pie! Some1 I know did that and her ex ate it all!!!

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