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My Dh Dad wont visit his new grandson

(10 Posts)
mumfor1sttime Mon 02-May-05 09:17:09

Im not sure where to begin...my hubbys mum died 3 yrs ago and it has been a struggle to get over this as she died so suddenly. His dad remarried and this has been hard to deal with too, even tho we both attended wedding, I was so proud of him. We had a baby boy in Jan this year and I had very bad labour- had emergency c section and dh thought he was going to lose me too. Since ds was born we have had no visits from dh dad, and I dont know what to do, I find it hard to approach the subject......

LGJ Mon 02-May-05 09:51:03

Why don't you invite them over for Sunday lunch ??

stitch Mon 02-May-05 10:24:15

i dont think its your problem as such.its something your dh has to deal with. after all its his dad.

MeerkatsUnite Mon 02-May-05 10:31:26

A lot has gone on in DH's Dad's life; the bereavement of his wife and a subsequent remarriage (perhaps though of by some as marrying "too soon" after she died).

I feel both of you need to put on a united front and speak to them. Show no rancour towards them. Your DH must feel very hurt as well that his Dad has as yet not seen his grandson.

How does your DH get on with his new step-mum, d'you think she is somehow behind this decision to keep away?.

coppertop Mon 02-May-05 10:32:03

I agree with Stitch. It's a subject for your dh to discuss with his dad. Maybe he could invite them to visit you?

FWIW my dh's dad has never seen his grandchildren either. Ds1 is now nearly 5yrs old. My own dad had never seen them either (despite visiting this country several times) and died suddenly last year. I don't understand why some grandparents act this way either.

Catbert Mon 02-May-05 10:43:37

Why hasn't he visited? Did you call him after the birth? Did he congratulate? Send a card? What about new wife? Sorry to be nosey - it does just seem odd because you don't state there's been falling out or anything - just difficulties? Perhaps he fears that the new GS will remind him of your DH when he was born, and those special times with his departed wife and thinks he couldn't cope well?

Perhaps (as is often the case of some of that generation) he needs an official invitation to feel like he can visit, and not want to ask?

Tortington Mon 02-May-05 22:34:31

some people are just a bit rubbish. its hard to imagine someone not loving your children like you do. but it happens.

i am one of those rubbish people. i forget birthays and such and i have been straight up with my kids as far as telling them amnot doing any traditional granny stuff if they have kids. its the way i am - but in you situation iw ould have phoned you at least.

sometimes people are just a bit rubbish - its how they are . and he may think hes interfering in a close loving family, and he has his own life and problems to deal witha s well

mumfor1sttime Tue 03-May-05 09:14:59

Thanks for replies.There has never been ay arguments between us, he just wont visit. I wouldnt mind so much if he lived miles away but he only lives up the road to us. W e have not recieved a card or present or offers of help. My dh sees his dad every tues evening for a drink in local pub and he often asks how ds is. I wonder if he doesnt visit because he feels the spotlight will be on him somehow.

weesaidie Tue 03-May-05 12:55:44

Hey Mumdforthe1sttime

I feel for you.

My exP's parent's have never met our daughter (who is now 1). This was due to them being very unhappy I didn't want an abortion! At the time my Ex wasn't happy too (hence the break up) but he has been a great father and sees her at least twice a week.

I think (from comments he has made) his mum asks about her but his dad is the one 'in charge' and so that is as far as it goes! My parents just can't understand it and neither can I.

They are just cutting off their noses to spite their faces in my opinion and I know it annoys my ExP and the older dd gets the more it will hurt him.... are they willing to lose hime too??

Hopefully your situation can be worked out more easily but I agree that your dh needs to be the one to talk, does his dad know this hurts him?

mumfor1sttime Tue 03-May-05 22:12:38

Thanks w s. My dh wont talk to me properly about it when I try to bring it up he avoids subject, I feel that it does hurt him. He was so close to his mum and not so close to his dad, so finds it difficult to talk to him about it I think. I asked dh if we should go and visit them but he said no as he wanted dhd to make first move. I feel it will get worse before it gets better. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this..just wanted to get it off my chest. It makes me so mad and I Feel sad for ds and dh...

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