Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So many threads like this around.... H left me and the kids today.

(147 Posts)
Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:12:05

He came home from work, we had an argument about the dishes! He went mental (as is the norm these days). Cut a long story short, he said some disgusting and horrible things to me (in front of the kids). He told me to fuck off into another room and leave him alone.... I politely pointed out that as it was my house..... and everything in it was in my name then he should fuck off. Which he did. He asked me for the bankcard before he left (bank account is in my name only) I said NO WAY as we are going on holiday next week and didn't want him drinking our money. He said "Fine, I'll just borrow it from *** (his friend) and then we'll just ahve to pay him back". I followed him out to the driveway saying he better not go get pissed. He told me to Fuck off again, stuck his fingers up then got in the car. He locked all the doors and continues to shout and stick his fingers up as the neighbours watched on. I was so embarassed I went in the house. He drove off sticking his fingers up at the house as he went. That was at 3.30pm and I've heard nothing. He has DDs pram in the car too.

I've had enough, I want out.

He has had sexual problems recently (putting it mildly) and I shouted something about that its hard to respect someone when they can't get it up..... I know I know its a cheap shot. But her replied "No wonder, look at the thing I've got to shag!". And he means it. Bastard.

The car is even in my name!!! I thought about reporting it stoplen, but I don't have a licence and it's obvious it's a domestic issue. What do I do????

compo Sat 30-Apr-05 20:14:27

Poor you I don't think there is much you can do apart from wait until he comes back and has calmed down which presumably he will if he has one of the kids' prams in the car. Do you want him to come back though?

hunkermunker Sat 30-Apr-05 20:15:11

Oh, TOothace, how horrible. I'm sorry, I have no advice, but didn't want to leave without saying something. I'm sure you'll get good advice here though, hun. xxxxxxx

emmatmg Sat 30-Apr-05 20:16:16

OMG Toothache, don't know what to say but couldn't ignore this.

I know you've been having troubles for a while so I hope this, whatever it brings, ends all the worry and heartache.

darlingbud Sat 30-Apr-05 20:16:43

sorry to hear that toothache. We went through a stage like that a while back in that we argued over minor things then it escalated into minor things - the number of times one of us left. Not sure what t say but give it time. He will come back - where else can he go for any length of time?

soapbox Sat 30-Apr-05 20:17:08

God Toothache! So sorry

What an arse

Sounds like he'll be out on a bender for tonight at least - gives you some time to think about what you want to do. Change the locks if needs be!

Poor you!

Heathcliffscathy Sat 30-Apr-05 20:17:15

LGJ Sat 30-Apr-05 20:17:36

Is he under some sort of pressure ??

I got the impression recently that you were all loved up ???

Wait for him to calm down and they try to talk to him.

Why is everything in his name ?

tillykins Sat 30-Apr-05 20:18:13

I'm so sorry to hear this Toothache, it must be bloody horrid for you

bossykate Sat 30-Apr-05 20:19:02

oh no toothache

i'm aware things have not been going well for some time.

get some legal advice pronto and decide whether you want him to move out or not. then i would think about whether relate or equivalent is worth trying, either for both of you or for you on your own to come to terms with it.

so sorry.

sweetkitty Sat 30-Apr-05 20:20:01

toothache - must be something in the water today me and my DP have had a huge row and I've told him to F* off back to Scotland which he is doing tomorrow.

I know you are having problems right now as well I don't know what to suggest maybe he'll be seeing things a bit clearer when he comes back (if he doesn't end up in a pub while you sit at home with the kids as my DP does)

MEN !!!

ks Sat 30-Apr-05 20:20:09

Message withdrawn

tortoiseshell Sat 30-Apr-05 20:21:35

OMG Toothace - really sorry to read this. Definitely get some legal advice. Hope you're ok. Sounds a tosser.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:22:44

Thanks folks. I don't know if I want him back though.

One of the major issues at the moment is that I have always been the main breadwinner. DH has such a bad credit rating that he could never have gotten a mortgage etc etc. He currently earns 7k less than me. I returned part time after dd. He has been doing management training and is now at the end. He announced 2 weeks ago that he could pick up the kids from childcare anymore! I was shocked as he'd never mentioned that it could be a problem when he finished training. I don't drive, we paid for DH to get through his driving test and I bought a car from him and the family. That was all so that he could drop off and pick up from Nursery and also to be more flexible in his new role (so as not tied to trains).

The kids are only in childcare 2 days a week ffs! Anyway, he has told me that unless I drop another day at my work or give up my job completely.... and pick the kids up by bus again... he can't become a Manager!

I said I'm not jacking in my whole career just coz he's decided after 5years to find some ambition!!!!!! He's told me now that its my fault he can't earn more money.

Apparently I'm not supportive enough a wife. WHAT???? I've supported the whole fucking family for 5 years!

SO thats what the real issue is behind all this.

baka Sat 30-Apr-05 20:24:21

ahh a bruised male ego. tricky one.

LGJ Sat 30-Apr-05 20:26:19


Just re read my post and it isn't very sympathetic, wasn't meant to sound that way

I know there has some aggravation recently, but I thought I saw a post from you recently that suggested things were on the up.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:26:25

Everything is in my name LGJ.

Must add that even in his Managers role... he'll still only be earning the same as me when I'm working part time. And since he can't get a mortgage.... and we want to move house very soon.... how could I possibly give up work??

He is an arse. he's trying to act like the man of house and in reality he hasn't ever been the man of the house. He needs to take a good hard look at himself. He's pathetic. He has nothing in his name. I could sell the car tomorrow.

Yes he will be down the pub drnking using borrowed money that apparently I've to pay back out of my account! HA!

ja9 Sat 30-Apr-05 20:28:54

Oooh toothache.

I am so sorry to read that this thread is about you...


hope you are ok.

i'm afraid to say that i find it hard to believe your dh isn't the business after meeting your wee boy! i really hope you guys can come through this hard time.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:28:58

I'd love to sell the car tomorrow and when he came back for his stuff... just tell him to hand the car keys over to that guy standing in the driveway!! Love to see his face when he realises the guy isn't going to give it a service.

bossykate Sat 30-Apr-05 20:29:26

fwiw, i wouldn't take kindly to the situation you are in either, toothache.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:29:57

Thanks Ja9 - lets hope he doesn't turn out like his Father! .... or his Mother come to think of it.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:34:01

Sweetkitty - He can go drown his sorrows with my DH and all the money he's borrowing that he thinks I'm going to pay back.

Seriously though.... sorry about that SK... D'you think they have Postnatal Depression?? Or is it just Arse Fever?

LGJ Sat 30-Apr-05 20:34:59

I agree bruised male ego.....

I know you can't realy on your mum (ykwim)

Well if you have to arrange for the children to be picked up early and minded at a CM, you will need to sell the car to finance the CM, he can not in all reality have it all his own way. That might get his attention.

Toothache Sat 30-Apr-05 20:38:15

15 million of my own posts are going to be on this thread!! lol... Also must add that we went to the Scottish version of Relate on March 1st. Have been waiting since then for an appointment. Chased them up last week but the appointment they offerd us meant we had to bring the kids along!!! So perhaps it's beyond counselling now anyway. Something I can't forgive and him going out in OUR car... with the babies pram in it... to get pissed.... whilst I have to stay here and deal with the mess he's left behind and to answer Ds's questions about why Daddy is shouting at me and saying bad words.... DH always takes him to bed and sits with him so tonight Ds was upset that his Dad wasn't here. I just told him Daddy has to work late.

I would NEVER be so selfish as to do this. And I know I can't forgive.

beansprout Sat 30-Apr-05 20:38:47

Sorry things are so crap at the moment Toothache. Not sure what to say other than I hope things improve, one way or another and we are all here

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: