Where has uhuru's thread gone???

[pinkroses]

Has it been deleted?? What has happened?? There was nothing bad in it, was there???

[beachyhead]

she asked for it to be deleted. No, nothing bad - just mentioned dh's company name, so thought it best to delete.

[Lizzylou]

Oh good, I was worried!
Hope she is OK...

[AngelCakeUmm]

Bit of s shame to delete the whole thread cause i think there was a lot to look back on and read, also think there was some very very good advice on there from fellow mumsnetters! hope she is ok i really do feel for her.

[FLUM]

don't suppose anyone worked there did they???

[Uhuru]

Hi everyone I am here - a huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post and thank you for all of your support - cannot even begin to tell you how much it has helped. Thank you to all of you who have sent CAT messages - all really appreciated.

Looking at both threads I felt that it had all got a bit to the surface and I was starting to feel overwhelmed and realised that I'd acted stupidly in naming the firm - other people work there and don't need the firm's name to be dragged in to disrepute.

Sorry to be a cow but I don't care whether it hurts her marriage or not - she was seeing my husband behind my (and her husband's) back and she lied to me. Re my dh - not that concerned at the moment if it caused him grief either but others in the firm don't need to suffer.

Dh and i are out tonight on our own so hopefully will be able to talk but must admit feel all a bit talked out and don't know what else to say to him now. Will keep you posted and once again thanks for all of your support. xxx

[Socci]

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[Socci]

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[Uhuru]

Right - off out shortly - hope we can start to work things out. Thank you Socci

[munz]

uhur - hope u managed to read my DH's thoughts on it, his basic view = benifit of the doubt once for your DH.

[Marina]

How did you get on Uhuru, have been thinking of you a lot. Glad you are still finding the support on here helpful. X

[Uhuru]

Munz - I did see your post - please thank your DH for his time. Don't know if I am giving him the benefit if the doubt but I am trying to stay calm and trying to be normal. Spoke to a friend (male) who has given me some good advice as well. Don't know what else to say but I am trying to keep myself and my family together.

Thank you all for your continued support. xx

[Uhuru]

Marina - it was ok but we ended up bumping in to some friends and they joined us so no time on our own - it was nice to have a night off it though. However I have just called him to see if he is going to take some time off over the next couple of weeks so that we can have some time together - this is far from being resolved but we have to think about our dd and what effect a constantly heavy atmosphere will have on her - that's why we need some time on our own to talk - not at the end of the day when we are both feeling tired and fractious

And if he is telling the truth and nothing sexual has happenend between them - then perhaps we can rebuild and we need to have nice times together so that he doesn't feel the need to talk to somebody else. I am NOT saying that what he has done is all right and I am devastated by the emotional betrayal and the lies but there is a possibility that we can come through this - I still hurt ALOT but perhaps we can get through this.

What I do believe is that if I hadn't stumbled on this it was an affair waiting to happen - and that does unsettle me. Would i be so lucky next time? I pray that there will not be a next time.

I know that lots of the people who have given advice (for which I am very grateful - I need to see this from all points of view) believe that he is having an affair - and you know what if somebody described the situation to me I would probably say the same - but I have been thinking and thinking and have spoken to a couple of friends in RL and one male friend on email and I might be able to make room for the possibility that they are not/ have not had a sexual relationship - that he has just been stupid but that this has given him a huge shock and he has seen what he has the potential to lose.

Sorry just rambling.

Please keep posting - even of you don't agree with me - I need to keep an open mind.

Sorry about getting the other threads deleted but I think it was for the best.
x

[koalabear]

Uhuru - firstly, good luck - am thinking of you

Just wanted to say that, from my reading of the threads, the biggest issue here (that is evidentat least) is emotional infidelity - but, this can be worked through - IMO, men (particuarly my DH) don't get the idea of emotional infidelity (until I practically had to explain it with crayons )

Also wanted to say that my best friend's husband had an affair - its a long story - but they went to counselling, and they are still together, and now have three beautiful children and a happy marriage (and their marriage is much STRONGER and happier for the counselling that they went through)

Sometimes, these things really do make us stronger, and we come out of it happier

[robin3]

Here here Koala....!
You're through the worst now Uhuru and I think you're managing brilliantly. Good luck.

[Bugsy2]

Uhuru, you are doing so well. Time away together would be so wonderful for both of you.
Big hugs & keep posting. It is really good to be able to download on here.

[HappyDaddy]

Koala, men DO get the idea of emotional infidelity. A lot deny it, though.

Good luck Uhuru.

[koalabear]

good point HD - i shouldn't generalise

[FLUM]

yep, my dad had an affair and left my mum. but they got back together and really cleared the air. i think it was the 'flush' out their 32 year old marriage needed.

[Marina]

I think you are doing brilliantly Uhuru - I've not had experience of this myself but am a "benefit of the doubt person" on the whole, and would hope to react as generously as you have to all this. You both need that time away and I hope you get it.
I'm also really glad that Mumsnetters in a position to help were able to CAT you and take it from there.
He is so lucky to have you, let's hope the message is really sinking in.

[Uhuru]

I don't feel very generous - believe me - but at the end of the day as an adult I am going to take responsibility for my own happiness/unhappiness. I do however take responsibility for my DD's happiness and if there is anything I can do to heal this (assuming that he has told me everything) then I will do it. If it turns out that there are more lies and more deception I will take responsibility again and take action. On the other thread somebody made a comment about the Supernanny way - say what you are going to do - if the action continues don't plead, don't threat, no warnings just do it - hope DH realises this - if he doesn't then he must be stupid and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a stupid man - I deserve better!

[MarsLady]

Good for you honey. Glad to see that you are thinking more clearly. You have my thoughts and prayers.

[Marina]

He is such a fool if he messes this up, you sound so wise and sensible. Sorry that sounds faintly creepy, but I hope you know what I mean

[Blu]

Good for you, Uhuru.
Have been thinking about you, and wanted to say (having entered the discussion rather vehemently yesterday) that of course there is no right or wrong way to handle this sort of thing, and whatever is right for you, you will be supported. You are being brilliant, and my hopes are that your DH recognises the opportunity he has to repair the damage, and matches your strength with some of his own. XXXXX

[Lizzylou]

I am so pleased that you and your DH are working through things, you sound like a very strong and intelligent woman, good for you!

[ggglimpopo]

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