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grandparents rights

(26 Posts)
kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 14:36:09

we have had to stop our childrens grandmother seeing the children,we have lots of welfare and relationship reasons,it is a year on now and she is trying to gain visitation through the courts,has anyone been through this and if so please give us as much imformation as possible, my husband is waking up with nightmares regularly and i not to put a finer point on it am shitting myself!!!

MorrisZapp Mon 27-Apr-09 14:45:04

To my knowlege, grandparents have no legal rights to visit their grandchildren.

Somebody may know more about this than I do.

purepurple Mon 27-Apr-09 14:47:30

I thought exactly the same as morris
go and see someone who can give you some proper advice, this situation is obviously getting to both of you
maybe the citizen's advice or a solicitor

KingCanuteIAm Mon 27-Apr-09 14:55:28

THey don't but they can force it through a court if they can show it would be in the childrens interest to have contact. Courts do like to see extended family contact so I would suggest you get a good Sol and start to back catalouge the reasons for which you first suspended contact. Your sol should be able to guide you through what the court will find reasonable. Good luck smile

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 15:02:10

have seen a solicitor and in short if she chooses to go all the way a judge could allow it and the only way we could stop it is by refusing to comply with the agreement and that would mean we could be imprisoned for this and thats when a judge may not enforce the ruling because it would split the children away from the parents,in some cases children are used as weapons against grandparents when theres been an argument but in this case there are alot of concerns for the wellbeing of the children in her care and thats why i'm shitting it cos it could go either way its a matter of her word against ours ,thanks both of you x

MorrisZapp Mon 27-Apr-09 15:08:05

I've never heard of anybody going to prison for denying access to a parent, never mind a grandparent.

Especially one where there are genuine questions about her ability to look after them.

I can't see there being any legal enforcement, this isn't a criminal case.

saggyjuju Mon 27-Apr-09 15:11:50

its a matter of proving the granparents abilities sometimes they can be very cunning!!!have read on the family law page the same but think its more of what could happen and am not sure if it ever has

StercusAccidit Mon 27-Apr-09 15:12:20

MZ is right.

But it may well be a civil one.
If the child doesn't want contact with her, or you can prove she is dangerous ect..she could get granted a contact order.

Counter with an application for a no contact order stating your reasons for doing so.

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 16:06:10

thats the sad part we know the grandmother loves the grandchildren and vice versa but the weight against their wellbeing in her care is too great we have reached a point where we can no longer be in her company on any level and the children are not safe with her alone ,shes way too intimidating for any of her family to ever stand up to her so they couldnt supervise the meets where we would be happy for their safety,shes threatened kidnap,its a lose lose situation for everyone

StercusAccidit Mon 27-Apr-09 17:17:15

How about supervised contact?

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 17:30:18

this is what i wanted for the older child particularly who still remembers her,the younger one doesnt,but the older one was very unsettled,not all times,but alot of times after the grandmothers visits,waking in the nights and generally unnerved by some of her antics,she could get a little ott the grandmother,but we've now been approached by our older childs school nursery who are assessing our child for special needs,they think it could be autism or adhd both of which i know needs routine and stability as much as possible to help with their dissability.neither of these could be offered by the grandmother regardless of her love for the children.

Shoshe Mon 27-Apr-09 17:43:06

We have had custody of our DGD,when her mother had difficulties, but after she went back to her Mother, mother stopped access, we couldnt get anywhere with the courts.

There is not much chance she will.

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 17:50:21

shose,am truly sorry to hear that,i never had a close family and i take no pleasure in stopping the grandmother. it will be a very sad hollow victory if things do go the way we would like

Shoshe Mon 27-Apr-09 17:58:18

Kenty, we have access again now, but only because the Mother lets us, without that we wouldn't have any chance, (although she is now a teenager and Mother I think would have a problem stopping her)

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 20:07:01

my chidren have been told that as they become older if they wish to have contact that would be their rights,they will recieve a 100% non biased account of whats happened,all letters txts good and really scary nasty ones have been saved along with all birthday xmas cards,they have been told that they havent done anything wrong that their grandma does love them but have also been told age appropriate the reasons as to why we dont see her anymore

undervalued Mon 27-Apr-09 20:43:10

We have parental responsibilty and residency for our DGS for a few years now. We have had to go through courts and cafcass, even though the parents wanted us to have him!
If you go on grandparent rights websites you will see the misery some Grandparents go through as they cannot get any access at all. Now, I'm not saying that their misery should make you feel better grin but I am saying that the process is long and not always successful.
You sound like you have handled the feelings of your children very well.You're right to think that TMI is damaging.
It is a very good idea to write down the reasons why you do not want your children to see their grandmother - and a list of previous odd and potentially damaging behaviour, from a variety of sources if you can. Best of luck.

kenty Mon 27-Apr-09 22:06:26

thankyou so much for this advice,especially as you are the other side ,sort of,we thought long and hard about this decision and it started within six months of our first child being born.we kept putting it to the back of our minds,hiding really or hoping things would change,all we keep thinking is will the children hate us,we couldnt imagine not being allowed to see our future grandchildren and struggle that the grandmother wont see hers,thankyou again

furbie Thu 07-May-09 13:46:59

Hi kenty, i like you are having issues with the paternal grandparents - and extended family. My childrens father passed away last August aged just 32, however i had left him in April 2007 as he was violent and controlling along with his mother. The day that i left him she came round and attacked me in front of my 2 children who were absolutley distraught, i had to phone the police and they told her to leave and i stayed with my parents. She then phoned my parents house over 80 times and screamed down the phone at my dad ! the threats and abuse continued until Jan 08. My children did have contact with them while my ex had access every thursday. When he died they said they still wanted to see them, which i have not denied, even though ive had huge resavations about it. In November 08 the childrens aunt on paternal side started shouting at my neighbours telling them i was pregnant and we were moving away to stop them seeing the children (which was a lie) i spoke to my ex mother in-law and she denied any knowledge. Then the children came home after seeing them saying my partner is not their dad and he cant tell them off ! and that i shouldnt of bought a new car i should buy them new clothes "thats what nanny said" the latest crime is that because the grand mother hates me so much she has bad mouthed me to the rest of the extended family and we have been reported to social service for abusing my children, we have now been cleared but it was incredibly embarressing and stressful. I have now stopped contact as i believe they dont have my childrens best interest at heart. Of course the threats have started via texts again and im waiting for a solicitors letter to arrive. I dont want my children to go through any more heartache than they already have - can anyone tell me if i have a good enough case against them to not allow access ? What is the matter with some grandparents !!

kenty Fri 15-May-09 13:59:42

i have spoken to someone involved in these situations,she has told me that the evidence i have pretty much the same as yours should be more than enough to stop the grandparents,however you need to make sure you come across as positive as possible and it not seem to be a grudge or revenge action you are taking,the social workers who are there to build a case are still very mother orientated and even if there are reasons for the grandparents to have concerns the workers still seem to side with the mother even against the birth father! as much as this is a relief i still look at my children and wonder what they have done to deserve not having a NORMAL loving grandparental relationship,also be warned if you do go down this route a solicitor will work for you but there is still obviously the bottom line and costs are a factor ,this imformation i have given you didnt come from my solicitor but the very very reliable involved and experienced source i have had the luck and pleasure to help me.save absolutely every text,letter and never budge from fact and always keep things in context x

macadoo Mon 08-Jun-09 14:30:29

hi
my mother was very violent to me and now she is stalking me, even though I have had nothing to do with her for 10 years. My solictor is going to write to her and then if she does anything else then they are going for a court injunction, but I was shocked and horrified to find they can apply to the court for access to my son. I know with her background she hasn't got a leg to stand on but it is the fear of there is a maybe
upset mum

mrsjammi Mon 08-Jun-09 14:33:20

Message withdrawn

kenty Mon 08-Jun-09 22:33:45

thats the other thing,shes claiming legal aid,quite funny in a sad way,she thinks shes proving how much she cares and for a whole year made no attempt when she would have to foot the bill.i mean she had to have her money for fags booze and dope,priorities and all that!! the solicitors lookin into it because shes probably claiming fraudulantly,ie forget to mention the partener living with her whose in full time employment,and the 25yr old son whose in full time employment. its just us who are paying,but i tell you what worth every penny to draw the line under it all,then like you macadoo (that rhyms grin )go for the court injunction

Sakura Tue 09-Jun-09 00:49:36

So sorry you are going throught this. My mother is violent. Luckily I live abroad (perhaps that was a subconscious pre-emptive strike on my part!) so my mother would have a lot of trouble gaining any access. She has threatened to use the courts to have access to my daughter. What saddens me more than anything is that she would want to do this, rather than try to meet me half-way. My mother would do anything rather than compromise with me in an adult way, for example by meeting my DD in a public place with me there. She needs the control more than she needs to see my child, which told me that she ultimately can't really love my child.

seeingclearly Wed 10-Jun-09 11:23:24

Sadly by my own personal experience and what I've read in the posts similar to these, grandparents can be extremely vitriolic and retributive post divorce, I don't think its a positive influence for seeing too much "Grannie". Its usually these sort of grannies that contribut towards the divorce in the first place.

Just don't get married guys...

kenty Thu 11-Jun-09 13:01:38

my husband has felt the need to get counselling,he had a full on character assassination from a family member i know he always considered his rock,who now has moved teams so to speek,we have both read or are reading the book toxic parents and things seem to be following the pattern that is in this book of siblings who take the rescuer roll when they are from a toxic family,and we because we are taking the stand and upsetting the balance of the toxic family are being totally destroyed by it allsad

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