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Need Help Fast - Am becoming a golf widow!!!(4 Posts)
I have two children aged 7 and 1 and am a SAHM. DH has his own business and finacially we are doing well. However last year DH took up golf and is starting to play it more and more. He began by just playing on a Friday and he was home about 7.00. It has now increased to Thursdays from tea-time onwards for the summer. However just got home today to find him now going out for a round with one of his business colleagues - apparently they are going to sort some business out at the same time! Am now starting to get a bit fed up with this.
When he first started playing, we had major rows and he said that I lived my life totally around my children (which I do!) and that he needed more to his life and wanted a hobby which I suppose I now understand.
He is quite a good dad, especially with my elder son and does go out in the garden and play football etc. with him most nights, but I have always been the hands-on mum, doing most of the everyday cares for the kids. We do quite a lot as a family, going out somewhere every Sunday and also having 2 or 3 family holidays or breaks every year.
I suppose I am feeling a bit left out of his new life but tbh cannot stand the whole golf scene and would not want to be included in it. Also, not having to work can be quite lonely at times. I do a lot with both children and go to all mother and toddler groups etc. as well as seeing friends in the week for coffee. I think what I really need is some sort of hobby or interest, so I am not always at home or on hand for him and the children. I do go out with my friends occasionally but always end up putting the young ds to bed before I go. Have thought about joining a gym but do not know if I would keep it up - has anyone got any other ideas!
Also, do you think dh is being selfish and taking the pi**. I am quite a laid back person and sometimes do not realise when people are walking over me.
Please help - any advice would be much appreciated.
I don't think its unreasonable that he plays golf once or twice a week and getting home at 7 isn't really late, my dh never gets home earlier than that from work. You should definitley have a fixed night out doing something for yourself, it will help you feel less taken for granted. If you start at the gym it doesn't matter if you keep it up or not, it may help you find something else you like doing.
Have you thought about doing a course, could be anything, sports, language, gardening.... if you do a course you and your dh will be making a commitment for you to go every week.
Its always good to find someone to do something with if its something that you don't have to make a commitment to such as going to the gym.
Cheddar: The problem with golf is that once they start getting into it, it DOES become easy to play a round of golf instead of having meetings...
It doesn't sound unreasonable to me, but it sounds like you could do with getting out a bit yourself.
Have a look through your local college evening class prospectus, see if there's anything you fancy. My town has a volunteer board where you can go and find out what volunteer work needs doing.
You could become a school governor or volunteer in some way that helps with your future job propspects?
I have recently joined a steering group for a start up project which is really interesting but also looks good on my CV.
I would say that is fairly reasonable - for eg my dh has a season ticket at Arsenal so goes to every home game (though he is not so dogmatic as to miss one if we have something important on). Additionally he is probably out on work Client dos once or twice a week, sometimes getting home by 8 or 9 but sometimes not til late. I think tbh that you have to expect some work-related schmoozing and if that can be combined with something your dh enjoys like golf (my dh takes clients to footie/cricket etc), then all the better.
Personally I feel happier that dh has a hobby that he can indulge himself in and get a bit of "me" time, I don't think it's healthy to live in each other's pockets and certainly once you have children if you want any sort of social life you have to go out without each other.
I agree with your re golf, there would be NO WAY on EARTH that I would get involved in anything to do with it as it does tend to take over your life IME. Fortunately dh is not into it. I do go to the footie fairly often though.
Agree also with Groggy that you should do something similar.
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